Without A Memory
by lifeOFillusions
Summary: Set after NM: What if Laurent Bit Bella before the werewolves of LaPush saved her? 10 years had past after she was changed that left Bella Swan without a memory of her past--her human memories. Would this bronze hair boy help her gain her memory? R&R,BxE.
1. Preface

Preface

a/n i do not own Twilight...

**Preface**

Waking up with no memory hurts a lot more than ignoring the burning on my throat. The only thing I remembered was someone telling me never to come back to Forks. Telling me all these stories about how I can survive without feeding on humans—why should I feast on humans?

I woke up a Vampire. I can never sleep again—dream about what I wanted to have in my life. But what is the point to all of this I don't even remember my name, it feels like the back of my brain is heavy, like my brain is trying to protect me from something… when I woke up, I felt empty. The kind of emptiness that makes my chest feels hollow, where my heart used to beat.

The emptiness made me realize that my brain is hiding these human memories for a reason. Because before I opened my eyes I saw his face… bronze haired boy trying to walk away from me running towards the woods never turning back—that was the only memory I remembered as human.

I do not understand this memory; I'd see this memory when I would close my eyes, then I would feel an emotion that I do not understand—heartbreak.

Another memory slipped from my protective brain, "Isabella Swan."


	2. Chapter 1: My New Eternity

Chapter One

a/n: Disclaimer i do not own Twilight... Smeyer does.. :)) r&r please?

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**Chapter One**

**My New Eternity…**

_He walked away from me, never turning back. I wanted to run after him, but he just ran towards the woods. _

_I just stumbled down trying to follow him. My hands started to bleed when I tried to help myself up, the tree branch pierced into my palm. But the pain didn't bother me. I was too numb to even feel anything. _

Don't go…_ my heart begged for him to come back, my face was already soaked with tears and raindrops that started to fall. That's right; the sky is crying with me, the sky should cry as much as I would. _

_I wanted to cry for his name but I wasn't able to speak. There was a huge lump on my throat that made it hard to speak. I tried to swallow the lump but it was still stuck there._

_I fell again, my face landed on a puddle of water that the rain had made. I just surrendered crying there. I didn't want to move anymore, I was too numb to move. _

_If I die here I do not care anymore… I'm already dead inside._

I fluttered my eyes open, when I felt my chair being kicked my lab partner. I glared Freya Turner annoyed at her for trying to disturb my dream.

She glared back at me then tilted her head slightly to gesture that our Biology professor was glaring at me waiting for an answer for a question he asked me when my eyes were closed.

"We are waiting Miss Swan." Professor Smith said tying to sound patient even though he was too excited to try to embarrass me.

"A Gram Negative streptococcus was the agar plate that you asked us to make." I answered him, when I finally straitened up to look at him.

I saw his eyebrows touch together frustrated that I knew exactly what the answer to his question was then he continued with the lecture.

My lab partner and I just grinned at each other. We hated our Biology teacher so much that just seeing him annoyed and frustrated just gives us delight.

"I can't believe you knew what he had asked… you must not have been asleep then." She whispered in disbelief, since she was so sure that she saw me with my eyes closed and not moving.

I just shrugged, and then looked at the professor pretending to listen to him. I could still feel her gaze on me, but she ignored me too and started writing on her notebook for her notes.

Of course I wasn't asleep. I could never sleep—I haven't slept in ten years. Ten years have I been damned to be this monster that is always thirsty for blood. But I always been able to control my thirst, I don't know how I have this much self-control. That I can stay in my college classes without trying to attack my classmates—to be roommates with a human without killing her when she's vulnerable at night when she slept.

When I woke up in the woods ten years ago, I never remembered anything… not even my name. All I remember was I was in a lot of pain, like burning—like being left to die at a burning house. I did not understand all this.

I knew I wasn't alone; someone was there with me he was talking to me while I was in pain. He was telling me what I was becoming; that he knew other Vampires that didn't have to feast on human blood. He was telling me this I felt like I knew what he's talking about, the people with yellow eyes… but I don't know why. I tried to ask him why I knew this, why he knew this. He kept ignoring my questions, he told me to stop talking so the pain would go away. He didn't give me many details, only that if I go back to Forks my life is going to be endangered.

Finally, before my heart beat stopped, he whispered that he loved me and that his name is Jacob. Then I never saw or heard of him ever again. I was a vampire and alone.

Another kick on my desk told me that the class was over and woke me up from my day dreaming. I just sighed and started to gather my books shoving him inside my backpack. Well there can be other times that I can daydream or try to remember my memories.

"No wonder Professor Smith doesn't like you, Bella." Freya Turner teased when she and I finally walked out of the lab. "Day dreaming or sleeping in class is very rude."

I smirked, "Speak for yourself." I answered. Freya and I take turns sleeping or day dreaming in class when it's our microbiology class. He is such a boring teacher that everyone can understand that you can fall asleep. But there is no way our teacher would complain much about it though when it comes to me and Freya, we both are his A+ students.

"Yeah that's true." She breathed realizing that I am right; we both are very mean students. She opened the door and saw that it was raining, she groaned—she hated the rain. "This sucks!" she complained, she grabbed her umbrella and opened it making sure I was under the umbrella with her.

"Yeah," I lied. I tried to hide my smile when she noticed the enthusiasm in my voice. I liked the rain, I mean the fact that it rains means that I do not have to hide under the shade so that I will not glow. I can enjoy walking on the sidewalk like normal people and not make up excuses to walk by myself and hide in the woods to run.

"You know Bella; I think the next semester would be more fun! I can feel it." She just muttered to me then she linked her arm to mine.

I just laughed at her enthusiasm; obviously she always hopes each semester would be fun here at Binghamton University. But so far, our overly strict science teacher always gets in the way of enjoy our pre-med classes. "I highly doubt it."

"I don't understand why you're always so cold Bella." She said as she shivered under my arm. "I mean I had a friend who is cold too, but you're too cold." She added

I tried not to laugh at her again, I was so tempted to say that I'm cold because I died 10 years ago and not supposed to be walking here with her. But of course I do not want to freak her out so I just muttered some gibberish stuff and then called her crazy. She usually blushes when I say that and drops her inquiries—I don't know why it works that way.

"Well, I'm just glad classes are over next week. I can't wait for the fall sessions to start." She said quietly that if I wasn't a vampire I wouldn't hear it. I knew the excitement in her voice. She was going away for a week with her boyfriend, Mark Davidson before the new semester would start.

I hummed loudly, as loud as I could. "Someone is going to get laid next week." I sang along with my wonderful humming. I laughed when I heard her heartbeat go a faster then felt a rush of blood from her arm to her cheeks.

"Shut up!" she said pulling her arm away from mine trying to stay away from me as much as she could even though she's still holding me under her umbrella. "That's not even funny." She mumbled.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered in her ear tying to be sincere, but she could hear the humor in my voice. But she just shrugged this dropped it before I tease her some more.

We finally arrived at our apartment which was only a 2 blocks away from campus, she immediately ran inside leaving the umbrella with me so she can go in and enjoy indoors and away from the rain. I'm pretty sure that she is going to run to her room and take a quick shower.

I just pursed my lips together trying not to burst into laughter—I know this girl too well. Freya and I have known each other for about 4 years now. As a pretense I went to high school in Beckley, West Virginia. I physically look eighteen, but I pretended to be fifteen and people accepted it.

I was a new student in Woodrow Wilson High School at the same time she was. Though we didn't really become friends that quick, but she had always been the nicest person I've met—in my new lifetime of course.

The 2 high schools I attended, I only had a few acquaintances but never close friends. Humans usually keep a distance from me just because I'm different, I didn't mind at all. But Freya was always different, she never had an obvious distance from me when she talks or be around me on the cafeteria. The main reason she and I became close friends was something that happened three years ago.

I was hunting in the woods one weekend, I'm always careful that no humans would be around when I hunt because it's always so hard to resist temptation. I can do it—it's just a hassle that I want to avoid. Even though how much your careful you'd always come across a mistake—in the middle of my hunting, I came across with the most beautiful, tempting and delicious scent I had ever came across in a while. A scent that beautiful only comes from humans.

I remembered tying to battle I endured during that hunt, my protecting the human race as much as possible side and my thirst that craved for human blood that I've never tried. But my thirst of course lost the battle—when I saw her, laying there on the woods as helpless as ever it made me forget my thirst another emotion rushed through me, I empathized with her. She laid there broken, her boyfriend just broke up with her and she didn't know what to feel. She just ran until her body couldn't take it anymore. She just let herself cry not wanting to move a muscle like moving hurts a lot more.

I just stayed there with her, sitting beside her listening to her sobs. I've never seen a happy person like her become so broken and sad.

But that night, I gained a friend. I trustful friend, she is the reason why its easy to deny myself with human blood—cause I see her face when she was laying that night heart broken. She is the kind of friend that would make me sad to leave when the time come. When I have to start over—cause my physical age.

At least in my new eternity I had a friend with me. In other ways she saved me too, I gained another memory from my overprotective brain, the memory I see every time I close my eyes—_him. _The bronzed hair boy walking away from me with certain grace that shattered my heart.


	3. Chapter 2: Impulse

Chapter Two a/n: Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I am listening to Decode—Paramore. Its' awesome!! Whoa, I just saw the twilight preview it's awesome!! The kiss is so hyperventilating!! Please add comments after you read. 3s

References:

Pg. _28 New Moon…_

Pg_. 41-42 Twilight…_

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**Chapter Two**

**Impulse…**

I looked at my calendar and sighed. It's almost time for the new semester to start. The month just flew by really fast. I haven't heard from Freya for two weeks now, so I'm sure she's having a bunch of fun—enjoying every moment before school starts again.

As for me, I just stayed in my condominium in Buffalo, New York. Of course I came out at least twice a week to avoid people from poking their heads in my condo seeing if I'm not getting depressed or something—I got like 4 calls a day from Freya a month ago from her usual once a week calls.

A month ago was the year anniversary of the death of my adoptive human father, Zyphr Cole. He died in a car accident a week after my high school graduation.

I mourned for his death horribly that I decided to not go to college at all and just stay in the condominium that I bought after I got the money from his will. To lie still on my bed and wallow—to come out when I needed to hunt.

But of course people were talking, that they never saw me come out of my place for a month that people thought I have killed myself or tying to kill myself.

When I come out to hunt, I would jump out my 5 story window and I would run. I felt so alone, he had been there for me. He loved me like his own daughter. I was his daughter—a mythical creature!

He was a crazy man I knew that, that fact that he had me in his life for eight years was a proof to that. He was a wealthy man, his father owned one of the huge business in the Europe, and he was a doctor—one of the best doctors in the country. He was an English man in his early 50s who had an interesting hobby, more like an obsession with mythical creatures—especially vampires.

I met him or more like he stalked me when I was hunting in Michigan about a year and a half after I became a vampire—so I wasn't as careful.

Meeting him that day was the most interesting day I had in my new lifetime. It was because he was just standing there for about five minutes watching me hunt before I noticed him there. The look on his face made me curious enough to not attack him. He wasn't scared, he looked amazed, excited—all the wrong expressions a human would have in their face if they had found me. His heart beat was so steady that showed that he was calm.

Of course, I also had really good self control. I never tried human blood ever. I was so afraid that I might hurt someone from my past. But that doesn't mean he should test my self control by standing there with a friendly smile on his face.

I never attacked him, he was intriguing to me. Though the monster inside of me wanted to at least try what human blood tasted, I just listened to him assume that I wouldn't hurt him. The calmness and the reassurance of his voice did help with resisting my temptation for blood.

He offered something that made me realize that he was insane. He offered to take care of me, give me my needs—like a shelter, clothes, anything I wanted. But how can I deny that, I do need clothes and a shelter—I was too tired hiding in the woods and stealing clothes from humans. Worse that can happen he'd betray me then I can kill him.

He mentioned he had met a vampire before. A blonde vampire with yellow eyes that saved his life, he wanted to repay the favor by helping me. And he added something that would always make me laugh when I remember it, "The only way to cure my obsession is for you to stay with me and that would keep me out of danger too."

His assumption was proven right. I was not a danger to my crazy father. I loved him too much, to even try to be tempted to hurt him was torture for me—he was the only family I had. I was the only family he had too, he wasn't married or even had children and his parents had already passed away. He was the greatest father a vampire could have—I was spoiled rotten by how much I always get what I want.

So when he died of course I was broken. It was the same feeling I felt when I first opened my eyes as a vampire. I wanted to start over to go back to high school to just force my brain to release my memories from its protective hold. To go back to that place where I woke up and not cared if I would die.

But Freya was there for me, helping me heal. Telling me—_threatening_ me that if I wasn't going to college with her she was going to drop out with me and I had to take care of her. That was her way of telling me that she's not going anywhere.

So I decided to live my life, I'm sure dad would want me to do that too. I'll just start over when I need to. When I would be in high school I gain new memories which I find hilarious, I found out that in my human life I was very clumsy. I always fell, trip on my foot or on air.

But if I do have to start over, I might try to find the vampires up in the north western of the country that I had heard about from my father and also other vampires.

In my lifetime I had met a few vampires, but not someone like me—yet. About five years ago, I met a couple of vampires—nomads they called themselves. Peter and Charlotte told me about their friend who had the same diet as I do—the family with golden eyes, in Alaska and Oregon. They suggested that I should join the Denali clan in Alaska since the clan is dominated by females. But if I wanted to join a clan that had about the same physical age as I have I should join the Cullens in Oregon.

That time I had Zyphr, so I told them I didn't need a family. I had thanked them though, they had no idea that when they mentioned Cullens a memory had slipped from my brain—my last human birthday.

_I took a little package, rolling my eyes at the beautiful bronzed hair boy, while I stuck my little finger under the edge of the paper and jerked it under the tape._

"_Shoot," I muttered when the paper sliced my finger. A single dropped oozed from the tiny cut._

_It all had happened very quickly._

"_No!" the beautiful boy roared, his voice was mad but it was a velvety and beautiful musical voice._

_He threw himself at me, flinging me back across the table. It fell, as I did, scattering the cake and the presents, the flowers and the plates. I landed in the mess of shattered crystals._

_A tall boy with honey blonde hair slammed into him, and the sound was like the crash of boulders in a rock slide._

_A lot of noises was produced gnarling noises and snarling, I didn't know where it came from I was too distracted by my own pain—searing and stinging pain that ran from my wrist to the crease inside my elbow. I realized that tumbled down on the floor landing into the jagged shards of glass. _

_Dazed and disoriented, my eyes were locked on the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm._

I absentmindedly touched my right arm where the scar would have been. But I only felt my smooth skin under my finger tips. A smile escaped my lips—boy was I a clutz.

My cell phone rang four times before I finally noticed it was ringing. I ignored it as it rang a few more times—I was scanning my phone calls.

"Bella?" Freya's voice echoed in the living room, "Pick up." She added. I heard her sigh on the answering machine, "Fine, be that way—"

"What?" I said softly before she would babble about stuff that I do not really care about until I answer.

She groaned, "You do realize what today's date right?"

I sighed, of course I knew. "Sunday."

"Yes, school starts tomorrow." She said firmly.

I laughed at her, "Ill get there in time." I sounded smug but I made sure that she didn't read the smugness in my tone so I yawned.

"Bella," she insisted

I groaned this time and clenched my teeth together. "Fine, I'm leaving now." I stood up and dashed to get my car keys.

She giggled on the other line, "I'll see you later." She was happy now, that she won.

"Sure, sure." I replied then hung up.

The next morning, Freya and I walked to our first class of the day. Anatomy lab with Professor Michael Smith—great!

"It's going to rain isn't it?" Freya complained as she looked at the dark cloudy sky, she was glowering at it.

I looked at the sky and smiled, the sun was hidden behind the thick dark clouds. I took a deep breath, "Doesn't look like it."

Freya and I were one of the few people that came in a bit earlier to class. She led me to the farthest seat in the room. We avoided the front area of the lab because that's usually the slave area—being asked to get materials for the lab, especially Smith.

The class was almost full now, and the class became louder and louder since people started talking to each other talking about their summer vacation.

"Thank godness, I'm not late!" Marie Charistia sighed in relief. She sat down on the seat in front of us. She flipped her ebony hair so she can look at us.

I tensed up, her scent wafting my nose. I cleared my throat trying to ignore the ache in my throat and the excess venom in my mouth. I should have hunted before I left from Buffalo yesterday. I'll need to hunt tonight then.

"I _did _wake you up." Freya reminded Marie then showed her phone showing Marie that she had called three times after Marie finally answered.

Marie rolled her eyes, "Well, I answered, but that doesn't mean I'm _awake._"

Freya laughed, "I'll try harder then," she seemed more determined and she also sounded excited. I would be very curious about how she's going to wake up Marie.

The room started to be a lot louder, mostly gasped or quick squeals from females in the room. Then I heard Marie, "Man, I knew I should have sat _there._"

I saw what she had meant. Two students entered the room together. The other one was someone all three of us knew, David Keith. So I was sure that she was talking about the guy with reddish-brown hair that sat in the front by the teacher's desk.

"Good luck" I heard Freya muttered darkly referring to the fact that the guy sat there.

"He's gorgeous." Marie whispered. I could barely hear her through her raced heart beat.

I couldn't deny the fact that he is good looking. He is tall, lanky and interestingly pale. I only had a quick glimpse of his face but his facial features perfect and angular - high cheekbones, strong jawline, a straight nose, and beautiful—too beautiful.

I was curious about the boy—where have I seen him before?

Before I could answer my own question I became distracted when another man came in the room. He was one of the professors in the science department, Professor Joseph Landau.

"Well I know all of you are expecting, Professor Michael Smith to teach this class. But due to an unfortunate event," he cleared his throat. I noticed the bitterness he had towards the name. "I am going to teach this class for this semester."

Freya and I looked at each other. She had a huge smile on her face. I was able to see my own reflection in her eye and I was smiling as much as she was. Professor Landau is a really good Professor. He is my favorite professor in the department.

"Yes!" she and I gave each other a low high five so the professor wouldn't see it.

At that exact moment, the reddish-brown hair guy turned his head around and his golden eyes landed on mine. He's a vampire.

I felt myself shake internally, my hands started to shake. The way he is looking at me confused me. He's staring at me like he hasn't seen me for awhile—like he was longing for me. But the thing that confused me even more was what I was feeling, that my heartbeat would have quickened—if that was possible. It felt like I finally found my heart that had been missing for ten years.

"_Bella, what are you staring at?" a girl with curly dark hair asked me._

_At that precise moment his eyes flickered to mine to meet mine._

_I dropped my head letting my hair fall to conceal my face. His gaze merely looked like he was curious._

"_Edward Cullen is staring at you," the girl giggled in my ear._

"_He doesn't look angry, does he?" I couldn't help asking._

"_No," she said, sounding confused by my question. "Why should he be?"_

"_I don't think he likes me," I confided. I still felt queasy so I put my head down on my arm._

"_The Cullens don't like anybody… well, they don't notice anybody enough to like them. But he's still staring at you."_

"_Stop looking at him." I hissed._

"Why is he staring at you?" Freya whispered at me worriedly. Her voice distracted me from my new memory, I saw her frowning towards his direction before I finally met her gaze.

I hesitated to answer, but I just leaned in really close to her ear. . "I don't know Freya… but I think I've seen him somewhere." I whispered so softly that the vampire couldn't hear a word I just had said.

"Like a memory?" she whispered back, her sweet breath blowing into my lips. She slowly reached to hold my hand. I just looked at our hands tying to distract myself.

I swallowed my saliva full of venom—I really need to hunt tonight. I slowly nodded answering her question.

She held my hand tightly. She gave me a weak smile. She moved slightly and looked at the professor Landau since he started the lecture. But the look on her face shows that she's still worried about me and not really paying attention to him.

I did the same thing too, but I was looked at the boy's back. _Edward Cullen_'s back. He wasn't looking at me anymore. He was listening to the professor or trying too—he was shaking slightly. Human eyes can't notice it but I do. His hands had clenched into a fist.

My eyes flickered to the door—I had a sudden impulse to run out the door. My hand landed to my chest, I wanted my heart to beat so badly. But being dead and damned that would never happen. I slightly turned my head towards Freya who was now writing her notes.

I wanted to tell her that I was leaving, but I couldn't—she would just stop me. I don't want to hurt her, she is my best friend. But I had to go—leave. All my insides are screaming to dash towards the door. To escape—it was because of this _Edward._ I did not know why I wanted to run, but I think it makes sense to listen to my over protective brain.

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a/n: hehe… what you think? Read and Review please.  Thanks. 3s


	4. Chapter 3: Lost and Found

a/n: Yeah I know I messed up the sequence in the book

a/n: Yeah I know I messed up the timeline in the book. Laurent's attack was before the scene when Jacob was in Bella's room. Read and review please.

P.S I do not own Twilight. I am a disclaimer. And yeah I know 2 chapters in a few hours… I already wrote this chapter on paper like 3 days ago… chapter 2 was based on this. So yeah I'm going to say it now, there are going to be a few chapters on Edwards POV. When the chapter has no name after the chapter, its Bella's point of view.

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**Chapter Three**

**Lost and Found…**

_Edward Cullen_

"_It will be as if I'd never existed." _ Those were one of the few words I had said to the person that I love—only going to love in my lifetime—forever.

The words are what I hear every time I close my eyes, when I wallow in my loneliness. For the past decade I've been trying to live everyday—tying to be normal. But how can I be normal when I had left my heart somewhere else—in Forks.

Even though my heart had stopped beating for over a century, now I could feel the hollowness in chest where my heart would have been. My heart doesn't exist anymore, Bella Swan has it. She doesn't really need it, since I know she's happy now with Jacob Black.

How do I know this? Even though I promised that I was not going to come back, I lost the battle with my noble side. I came back to Forks about six months after I left. I was ready to beg for Bella to take me, to forgive me for hurting her, and to tell her how my life was without her.

But when I climbed up to her window, I saw her… her wonderful smile flashed on her beautiful face that made my insides jump to rejoice, at the same time my heart broke into a million pieces when I realized that the smile that she had on her face wasn't even for me.

There was a boy in there with her, I recognized him—Billy Black's son Jacob. He was that boy who danced with Bella at prom giving her warning and threats from The Quileutes. I wasn't really listening to any of them. I was too distracted by my own pain. I fought the urge of bursting into her window to beg her to take me back.

So I jumped off her window and ran as far as my feet could take me. I was ready to breakdown, yell, to destroy things. When I finally couldn't take the pain I just fell on the ground—I still could taste the dirt on my lips.

I reminded myself that was my plan, for her to be happy—without me. I just wanted her to be happy. Ill just disappear from her life completely. Now that she's happy, I should be happy for her too.

That's a lie. I've been living a lie for the past decade. I'm just living for my family now. Being broken and useless hurt my family very much, I did not want them to suffer with me—especially my parents. So I tried to live my life, reminding myself every second of everyday that Bella is happy.

Maybe I'll go back to Forks or track her down fifty or sixty years from now—just to see her happy again. And if when I find her and she had passed away then that's when I'm going to end my existence, to end my suffering for not being with her.

A smile escaped my lips. That's the only thing I'm looking forward for—to end my lies and suffering.

_Oh my god, did he smile at me?_ I heard a voice yell in my head. At that moment the buzzing noises that I tried to tune out were suddenly yelling in my head.

_He is so cute—_

_Stop staring at him!_

_I hope he's single—he's intimidating though…_

_Anatomy for my next class—_

Oh, there is a classmate right there, so I walked a bit faster to follow a guy with dark hair about an inch taller than me. He's a good person to hide from giggling girls.

When we entered the lab, I immediately sat on the first seat in front of the room. I knew that people usually avoided the front or anything near the teacher desks because Professors usually ask the people beside them ask the favors to distribute the lab materials.

I just stared at the door waiting for Professor Smith. I tried to keep the noises in my head into buzzing noises. It's easier for me now since all I had to do is close my eyes. Imagine her face, her smile and her chocolate brown eyes melting into my gaze—blushing before I would lean in to kiss her.

Besides college students usually think about hormones during classes that include the human body parts—it's hilarious to think about so I was really glad to tune them all out.

I decided to go back to school last year. And I hated it every minute I had in high school. It made me miserable because it reminded me of her the entire time I was there. I just went to high school to get my diploma so I can go back to college. I would have gotten the paper works for it, but I really wanted to distract myself—to be away from the house at least.

I do have enough science classes that I can immediately go in my residency. I also decided that I wanted to be a doctor—it's a very good distraction. But I wanted to start over college and of course my family was very happy about it. I heard them thinking that I should live my life again.

My siblings was inspired by my all of a sudden impulse for education and wanted to go to college too. Emmett and Rosalie are attending Harvard University.

Alice and Jasper are attending Cornell University. Of course I knew why Alice and Jasper chose a school that is only about 2 hours away. She's worried about me and is taking a close look at me with her _sight._ She's making sure I will not be planning to do anything stupid. She saw my death once when I realized that I couldn't live a world with out Bella existing in it.

As for me I'm attending college in Binghamton University. Rosalie thought I was insane that I wasn't going to an Ivy League school. I told her that it was none of her business.

My attention got caught back to bring me back in reality, when the professor came in.

I was as confused as the other students who had Professor Smith before, because another man entered the room. This isn't the man I saw in some of the students' memory.

_Stupid Michael why did he have to sleep with a student. Now I have to teach 5 subjects this semester._ I heard him complain as he started to prepare for his class.

"Well I know all of you are expecting, Professor Michael Smith to teach this class. But due to an unfortunate event," he cleared his throat. He tried not to roll his eyes—disapproving, angry at his old colleague. "I am going to teach this class for this semester."

The class had gone wild, some of the confused and curious about the _unfortunate event_, most of them were excited that Professor Joseph Landau was teaching the class instead of _this _Michael. Only a few percentage of the class knows the real reason why, they didn't seem to talk to their neighbors about it.

Then at the same moment I heard a familiar voice. "Yes!"

In an instant I turned my head to the direction of the voice. Even though it was just a whisper I heard it clearly. My eyes had landed on golden eyes—it was more a darker shade of gold though. A Vampire. But she looked familiar, unusual pale as a skin color, her hair was darker shade, perfect arch for a jaw line. Beautiful—more beautiful that she had been.

My insides started to shake, _Bella?_

I just froze in place my eyes still locked into her confused gazed. The beautiful creature I am seeing is Bella. But it's impossible—I know she's in Forks a happy human—right?

But _if _it is Bella, then she shouldn't look at me like that like she's confused or this plain blank expression on her face. She should look at me with certain determination that I felt that I deserved—anger, disgust anything but the confused look.

The vampire who can't look away from my locked gaze—is Bella, I was positive now after I inhaled a strong scent of freesias in the room. Finally the silence where she's sitting at—her mental muteness was also a proof to that.

I noticed Bella's lab partner was exchanging glances between me and Bella. _Why is he looking at her like that?_ The way she had thought that sounded protective. The mental images of her wanting to cover her friends face with a notebook or wanting to throw something on me to break the gaze between me and Bella, made me realize that she's Bella's trusted friend.

So its 100 positive that that's Bella right there, the human girl said called her Bella and I also saw a glimpse on the Professor Landau's mind. He was looking at the two girls on the back of the room. _Ah, Miss Turner and Miss Swan are in my class. Good._

"Why is he staring at you?" I heard the girl ask Bella in a whisper. Her voice sounded shaky, she was so worried about her friend. She frowned at me before Bella finally met her gaze.

Bella paused as she bit her bottom lip, then she leaned in closer to her friend's ear. Her voice was so low that I wouldn't be able to hear anything. But of course with my talent I heard her loud and clear through her friend's head.

"I don't know Freya, but I think I've seen him somewhere…" her voice gave my insides a good shiver. Even though I didn't hear the sound of her voice through my ears it somehow started to mend my broken heart.

"Like… a memory?" Freya whispered back. She reached for Bella's hand and held it.

My eyes flickered at both their hands. Freya didn't even flinch at Bella's cold hands. I scanned Freya's mind thoroughly, the girl didn't know Bella is a vampire. And the fact that they had been friends for awhile gave a proof that she's used to how unusually low Bella's temperature is.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bella nod.

I turned around to face the board. The lecture had started but I wasn't even paying attention to the professor. My attention was on Freya's thoughts—she answered my question about what _'like a memory'_ had meant.

_Poor Bella, ever since that car accident she had years ago, she had lost her memories._

I clenched my hands into fists. _Accident? _I'm sure that the car accident that on that human girl's mind is a pretense. I'm positive that the accident is Bella turning into a vampire.

But how? When? Who? She became a vampire and then lost her memory?

A lot of questions came rushing in my mind. Questions I can't even ask Bella myself because she might not even remember it or because it was none of my business. Bella physically looks like she's eighteen, nineteen maybe twenty. What age had she frozen into?

All these unanswered questions made me angrier, I could taste the bitter taste of it on the tip of my tongue. Who ever turned her is going to be destroyed—be killed for damning my Bella.

I smirked at my _possessive_ hold on Bella. She isn't my Bella. I had no right to call her that. I lost my privilege to even say that when I left her in the woods that night—telling her that I do not love her. Leaving her for her own good… trying to prevent Alice's vision about Bella being one of us.

I hated myself even more than I had been. Fury had totally washed all over me, fury all flung towards myself. What if I never left Bella? Would I have prevented her being damned like me—never changing? What if I busted through that window and begged for her to take me back? What if—

I smiled darkly to myself, _What Ifs_… that's the only think I can think of now. I can't ever change the past—what is done is done.

But if she had lost her memory, would she know who I am? Guessing from the look from her face, I think not.

Should I talk to her? Would she talk to me? The fact that she whispered to her friend like that, I know she knows that I am a vampire too.

I remembered Jasper telling me about a yellow eyed vampire that Peter and Charlotte had come across in Michigan—it was Bella. I wished I was there in Oregon when they had visited, I would have seen in their mind—I would have known.

I finally realized how old Bella is physically and mentally. She was eighteen when she was turned. _Ten years without a memory_, I cringed at that thought that would have been hard on her. Probably a lot harder than Alice had felt because she doesn't have the visions like Alice has.

I was able to stop myself from shaking too much. I was still shaking a bit, but not for human eyes to see.

If I was human right now I would have shed a tear from my eye. Of all the places I would have gone, I chose to go where she is at. Where she peacefully stayed without me--probably not remembering me at all. Not remembering the fact that I love her so much that I couldn't do anything without her. Loving her so much that I was able to leave her to be a _normal_ human.

But all that fight is left in vain. Now that she's the same kind as me—would she still love me the same way? Or would she despise me of what she had become. I know it's not my fault that she became a vampire, but it is my fault for exposing her to a world that never stops, that freezes.

In spite of my hatred that I had felt towards myself, I despised myself even more. I feel selfish right now. I _had_ lost my heart 10 years ago. Now my heart has found its way back to me—more like I found a way back to my heart.

I am stupid excuse of a lover.

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a/n: So? What do you think? Read and review please… Give me inspiration to write please!


	5. Chapter 4: Escaped Memories

A/N: I do not own twilight… Please read and review—tell me what you think! Hehe that would really be able to help me write!! And thank you for the all the reviews also! The second memory I tweaked it a bit—we wouldn't really want her to remember that she _loved_ Edward—yet.

Reference:

_Twilight 392_

_Twilight 491-492(edited a bit)_

_Twilight 56-57_

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**Chapter Four**

**Escaped Memories**

The entire hour felt like an eternity for me. _Its never going to end is it? Am I being punished for something?_ Those were the question I've been asking for the past hour. I just want this class to end. I would gladly trade anything that I own just for this to end.

We only had twenty five more minutes till class is over, so I had to distract myself a lot more now. As the seconds ticks by I become more anxious that I might not be able to control myself and just run. I also stopped breathing all together, I was actually getting too thirsty and Freya smells too tempting—I can only do so much, control my thirst or my instincts to run.

My face was really close to my notebook that my nose was almost touching the paper. I was writing everything that Professor Landau had said, lecture stuff and his random stories—it was a good distraction. I didn't want to look up. My eyes always betrayed me and take a glance at him.

Not all bad things had happened for the past hour, I gained two new memories too. The first one to the fact that I knew him when I was human, I went to high school with him. Question is where? I mean not in Phoenix, Arizona because that's just plain crazy right there.

For ten years that I had lost my memory, I have gained a few memories in when I was human. That my biological parents are Renee' Dwyer and Charlie Swan, I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona. And lastly the most interesting thing was when I was human I hated the rain so much that I told my father that I did not want to visit him in Forks, Washington ever—as far as I can remember.

"_Go away, Edward!" I yelled at him, running inside and slamming the door shut in his still-shocked face._

"_Bella?" Charlie had been hovering in the living room and he was already on his feet._

"_Leave me alone!" I screamed at him through my tears, which were flowing relentlessly now. I ran up stairs to my room throwing the door shut locking it. I ran to my bed, flinging myself on the floor to retrieve my duffel bag. I reached swiftly between the mattress and box spring to grab the knotted old sock that contained my secret cash board._

_Charlie was pounding on my door. "Bella are you okay? What's going on?" his voice was frightened._

"_I'm going _home_," I shouted, my voice breaking in the perfect spot._

I blinked as the memory faded from my eyes. That's the third memory in the hour. Wow, this Edward is causing my brain to go on an overload for slipping like that. And my instinct doesn't want this to happen at all. Am I not ready to know the truth yet—what ever is.

So I had lived in Forks, but I went back to Phoenix because of _him_? But if I had gone back to Phoenix how the heck did I end up on the in del Norte, California when I was changed?

I lifted my head and involuntarily my eyes had landed on him again. Did I ever know he's a vampire when I was human? Did I leave because I found out he was a vampire?

I must have known he was a vampire. Because when I was slowly but painfully changing into a vampire I knew there was a vampire that didn't have to feast human blood. When Jacob was telling about alternative lifestyle of vampires I knew what he was talking about—even though it confused me. But that doesn't really mean him or his coven. I might have met the Denali's.

Speaking of Jacob, my second memory played in my mind again.

_Jacob was standing in front of me, he had a smug smile on his face when I lifted my head a bit to meet his gaze—he's so much taller now._

"_So how did you end up here tonight?" I tried to talk a bit louder the music blaring up in the gym was too loud for me to be able to hear myself._

"_Can you believe my dad paid me twenty bucks to come to your prom?" he admitted, slightly ashamed._

"_I think I can." I answered. He finally met my gaze.._

"_Don't get mad alright?" he looked away, ashamed._

"_There is no way I'll be mad at you, Jacob—or your dad. Just tell me."_

_He sighed, "This is so stupid—I'm sorry Bella. He told me to tell you _'Please stay away from him'."

I bit my lip, _Don't worry Jacob… I'm trying my best to get away as fast as I can. _I do not really care for the reason why I have to stay away from him. And I don't want to stick around that long to even figure it out.

I was one of the first students that got up from their seats when Professor Landau dismissed the class. I think I was a little too fast because I noticed that Freya jump from her seat.

On the corner of my eye I notice Freya staring at me worriedly. I tried to ignore her—my attentions were still at the boy in the front of the lab. What is he thinking now? Is he going to look at me and stare at me again?

He was still seated there as still as possible, as if moving would be a bother to him. I was taking this to my advantage, if I was going to leave now he wouldn't be able to notice. He was preoccupied with something else.

"Are you alright?" Freya looked at me warily then handed my lab book that dropped on the ground. I was never this reckless before—I never dropped my stuff. I was anxious and she was sensing that too.

"Yeah," I whispered. The faint noise that the book had made caught the boy's attention and he's staring at me again, but not as intensely as he had been an hour ago.

Freya was looking at him now, she had this look on her face. "I can punch him for you if you want." Freya growled softly.

I shook my head, "Violence isn't necessary, Freya." I warned her. I was sure that when we get out of class today she might _accidentally _bump into him. But she's more breakable than him, that act my bruise her instead.

I heard her sigh. This made me laugh. Freya maybe the sweetest person I know, but she always had a short temper. She's the nicest friend you can find—just don't get on her bad side. And she had always been over protective with her friends—especially me, she always looking out for me. It's going to be harder for me to leave now.

I saw Marie walk towards the boy and started talking to him. I grinned. I should thank Marie someday for distracting him. Marie was always the kind of girl that would always try to get what she wants. Even though the person she is approaching is probably someone she doesn't want to be alone with, her survival instincts is probably overruled by her hormones now—silly humans.

"Come on." Freya insisted as she grabbed my arm dragging me out of the room.

We finally exited the building before Freya finally let go of me. I didn't really notice we were outside until Freya brushed her hand on my forehead. "Are you sure you're alright?"

I swallowed hard, I had to lie and make her buy it. But before I could answer Marie and _Edward _exited the building too, Marie looked at me briefly then she winked at me.

"Hey guys." Marie stopped in front of us. "Edward here, is a new student—he's a pre-med student too!" she added then she gestured towards Edward. She just ignored the fact that Freya was glaring at her. She was just smiling from ear to ear.

Edward looked at me briefly and smiled. He was more interested with looking everywhere else but other than me and Freya. "I'm still a freshman though." He said. His voice was a beautiful velvet musical tone—it pierced through my hallow chest. This gesture would me left me breathless if I was human.

"Our next class is in an hour, and I need to eat breakfast." Marie suddenly said breaking the silence between the four of us shared.

"You better not…" Freya hissed through her teeth. She probably realized what Marie was going to go at. She had said it just to Marie though. But being a vampire I heard ever word that Freya had said as if she was yelling it me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him purse his lips together hiding a smile. Then for that quick second our eyes met his lips formed a beautiful crooked smile—I couldn't help but smile at him too.

Marie and Freya were just glaring at each other. Marie gave Freya a dark smile, and then she looked at Edward—more like leapt to face him. "So I was wondering if you wanted to join us for breakfast."

"Sure," Edward just smiled at Marie—dazzling her. I tried not to laugh when I heard Marie's heart beat skip a beat or two. Her cheek turned into bright pink as she tried to catch her breath again.

"Hey baby." A voice called from behind us. All four heads turned towards where the voice is at. Mark Davidson was walking to us. He ran his hands through his brown hair, his eyes locked into his girlfriend's light brown eyes.

I smirked. Freya's heart beat was skipped a beat or two then started to race at the same time. She had a bright smile on her face. The foul mood that she had felt earlier had just disappeared.

Freya and Mark looked at each other for a few seconds when he was finally in front of her, both of them ignoring the three of us—they were in their own private bubble. "Hey," she finally said as she stood on her toes to give Mark a quick peck on the lips.

"Hey, you yourself." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Then he gave me and Marie a nod as a greeting. He noticed Edward standing beside Marie. "I'm Mark Davidson." He introduced himself, and then he raised his arm to shake Edward's hand.

"Edward Cullen." I noticed Edward hesitate before he finally took Mark's hand to shake it.

I watched Mark's expression for a second to see if he would flinch from Edward's cold grip. But nothing, well Mark is a hockey player… so he probably is used to the cold to even notice.

"I guess we go the Union?" Mark asked us, curiosity flared in his voice he's probably wondering why we are still standing in front of the science building, he usually just meets us in the cafeteria.

This is my time to go. Edward had said yes for _breakfast _with them, so I'd doubt he'd back out on his word so he can follow me and probably talk to me. I really had no plans to stay a bit longer now. "Not for me… I think I need to take a nap." I said trying to sound tired, I gave a loud yawn. "I didn't sleep well last night" it is _true_—I didn't sleep last night.

Freya eyed me curiously, "Are you sure? I mean maybe you do need to eat. You are kind of paler."

I shook my head, _Trust me I need to go before I go nuts. _"Yeah, I think sleep would do me good." I lied smoothly.

Freya's frown disappeared on her face, which means that she believed me. Freya shrugged, "Alright ill see you in Biology II then."

I nodded and waved at them when they simply started walking the opposite side they did. I wasn't able to see Edward's expression because I immediately turned around walking away from them.

_Good bye,_ I wanted to call after Freya and then give her a hug. But if I did that she would be suspicious, that's what I did when my father had died—she knew I would run by then.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, checking if there are any humans anywhere. It's easier to check for them now that I was thirsty. But my throat ached even more when no one was around. I walked behind a parked Hummer then I ran into the woods.

When I arrived our apartment, there were students getting out of the building—so I had to slow my pace to avoid curiosity if I would run.

I grabbed my keys to my Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder. And just drove out hitting the speedometer at 70 miles an hour.

I was just going to drive until I feel like stopping. But I should go to Buffalo first before I leave, I need to get all my stuff—my paper works, my passport. I'm going to Canada that's a good place to start over no one knows me there yet.

Dad did a few researches once and found out that St. John's is one of the cloudiest cities in Canada, even though the drive is about a day and half I did not care, the drive might do me good. Dad already bought a house for us there too just incase we wanted to start over in Canada.

I was already on my third stop for my gas that I realized that I was already fifty miles away from Canada. I had to drive a bit slower now, I'm pretty sure there would be more cops around now since I'm almost there in Canada.

I groaned, driving 70 miles an hour is annoying—especially if I was driving a good 115 miles per hour for the past eight hours.

About three things had happened in a fraction of a second. There was a blue van on the other lane whose tires blew out—was spinning towards me. But I knew this was coming so I immediately swerved off the road and the van hit a red truck that was a mile behind me. Then I blanked out staring at the destruction behind me but none of that disturbed me as much as the memory that escaped.

_Edward Cullen was standing four cars down from me, staring at me in horror. His face stood out from a sea of faces, all my frozen in the same mask of shock. But more immediate importance was a dark blue van that skidding, tires locked and squealing against the brakes, spinning wildly across the ice of the parking lot. It was going to hit the back of my truck, and I was standing between them. _

_Just before I heard the shattering crunch of a can folding around the truck bed, something hit me, hard, but not from the direction I was expecting. I was all of a sudden lying on the pavement beside the tan car that I parked beside into. But I didn't care for it as much—the van was still coming at me, it was going to collide at me._

_A low oath made me realize someone else was there with me. Two long, white hands shot our protectively in front of me, and the van shuddered at a stop a foot from my face. The hands fitting providentially into a deep dent in the side of the van's body. With a loud metallic thud, the van stopped where I had been a few seconds ago._

_Besides the yelling, there was a low sigh on my ear. Edward Cullen's low, frantic voice brought me back to reality._

"_Bella? Are you alright?" _

"_Yeah I'm fine…" my eyes landed into his soft golden colored eyes._

I was stalled on the side of the road, I got out of my car ready to help who ever was in the truck and van that collided each other. But my throat started to burn when I smelt blood coming from the destruction. I would not be able to help them, not when I'm thirsty like this. Besides there are five cars that had stalled on the side of the road now getting out of their cars to help the victims of the accident. And with my vampire senses I could hear the paramedics coming.

I sat back in my car. I stopped breathing when the strong scent of blood was getting stronger now. But it didn't bother me as much because my thoughts are preoccupied with something else. I just realized where I had met Edward… he had saved my life from a van once when ever that was.

I started shaking, I didn't want to leave anymore… I wanted to go back. I was more curious than ever. I was ready—I was ready to know who I really was, who Edward Cullen is. Even though my brain is yelling me not to do it, I started my car again and turned around avoiding the paramedics. Maybe I don't need to rush those memories… if Edward is causing my brain to overload and slip memories like that who knows how fast all my memories would come back to me. My past that my brain is trying to protect from me.

But before I go back to Binghamton I need to hunt. The burning on my throat is truly bothering me now. Besides I was ready for a good mouthful that Freya is going to give me when i noticed that my phone had fifteen missed calls for the past hour.

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a/n: tell me what you think please... :) thanks!

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	6. Chapter 5: Pretenses

A/N: I do not own twilight

A/N: I do not own twilight… smeyer does  Please read and review… it does help a lot with the inspiration you guys! And thanks for the reviews, alerts and favorites too! It gives me the gitters… Thanks for dazzling me!

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**Chapter Five**

**Pretenses…**

As I suspected, Freya was upset with me when I got back to the apartment. I got back around midnight and she was waiting up for me—and was trying her best not to yell at me since obviously people are already asleep. And it seemed like she was going to go all night too with her energy.

She was going on and on about how she was so worried about me. I tried to tune her out because she was being repetitive and high pitched that my ears would have blown up any minute.

But I couldn't tune her out completely. I was just sad that I made her worry. I knew she would be upset but I didn't know she would react this much. She loves me too much and that scared me. I know someday I have to leave her and start over, by the time me and her graduate med-school no on is going to believe that Ill be twenty five by then.

Listening to her, I made a promise to myself. I would give her a proper goodbye—I will not just disappear like that. Even though, I really can't explain why the real reason behind the goodbye. I'll just give her the perfect goodbye. I owed her that much.

The week passed flawlessly, but Freya and I haven't really spoken to each other much—she didn't speak to me. She was giving me the silent treatment, until I would realize how much I made her worry. Of course I already know how she felt, she just wanted to punish me.

I also discovered that Edward was in most classes that Freya, Marie and I are in. For a freshman he is taking sophomore level classes. He mentioned that he took college level classes in high school so he wouldn't need to take prerequisites for it.

I'm sure that's his pretense. However old he is I'm sure he's been in a lot of colleges. Besides, not all Freya's and mine's classes aren't all sciences. We have Algebra 2 and Introduction to Speech. So Edward is in my Anatomy lab and Lecture and Biology II. So, I do see him everyday. Plus the fact that Marie likes Edward he's always there when she is.

"Come' on!" I heard someone moan when they started to dissect their cat for the lab today.

Anatomy lab is the last class that I have for the day, On Fridays the class is at two in the afternoon instead of eight in the morning on Mondays and Wednesdays. In the lab today we dissected our cats to see the muscles in the back region. People who are taking this class that are undecided for their majors are the ones that are complaining about the activity and of course the cat-lovers too.

Marie, Freya and Edward are my lab group mates. I was trying to distract myself because Freya was arguing with Edward on who should dissect that cat. This wasn't new to me at all, Freya always argued with Edward so he will not be distracted or be tempted to talk to me—my overprotective friend as usual.

"Look Edward, give me the damn scalpel!" Freya hissed at him. She was trying to get the scalpel from Edward's side.

Edward just smiled at her, "No, Landau gave it to me."

Freya glared at Edward, "That doesn't mean you'd do all the work,"

Edward just shrugged, "Sure it does," He insisted.

Freya groaned. If Edward was trying to annoy Freya, it was working. Her ears are turning to bright red now. She is going to blow up any minute.

"Freya, just let the man do it. We already dissected a cat in Biology once." I said trying to calm her down. I know the reason why she wanted to do the dissection. She had already done it once and having a freshman do it—she was afraid he would mess up.

Her head cocked to my direction, she was glaring at me now. And then she sighed in defeat "Fine."

Marie came back from the ladies room and she stood between me and Edward. "What did I miss?"

"Edward winning round one." I teased. I pointed toward Edward's direction who was already dissecting the Latissimus Dorsi perfectly.

Freya scowled at me, after she saw Edward's perfect handiwork. "Stop teasing me alright, I'm not talking to you still." She crossed her arms against her chest and looked away from me.

I laughed, "Your talking to me now." I emphasized.

Freya remained as still as possible. "Hmph,"

Edward lifted his head a bit and was looking at Freya his lips formed into that beautiful crooked smile.

"Are you two fighting still?" Marie asked. She pursed her lips together trying not to laugh at Freya.

"I'm not talking to her." She corrected. "She ran away Monday—"

I widen my eyes. I cleared my throat interrupting her. I noticed that Edward's eyes were on me. "I didn't run away." I muttered since Professor Landau was now two tables away from ours.

Freya smirked, "Oh really? Then why was there a gasoline receipt on the desk that was in Maine?" her voice sounded soft and high pitched again. That's why she's so mad at me.

_Oops, reckless of me—why did I leave that there?_ I clenched my fist. I had to think of something fast. I channeled all my sad emotions when I realized what to think about.

I lowered my head and started to breathe unevenly—humans do that when they are sad. I closed my eyes then took a deep breath. "It was Zyphr's birthday that day…" a low sob escaped my chest, it was making me sad—I did forget it was his birthday too… I need to go visit him this weekend.

Freya just blinked, her face looked so guilty and sad. "I'm so sorry… I forgot." She muttered under her breath then she came up to me and gave me a hug.

Edward and Marie had the same look on their face—confusion. But it was Marie that asked, "Zyphr?"

"Its Bella's dad," Freya answered as she finally let go of me.

I watched Edward's expression after Freya's response. He had this blank expression on his face tying not to give anything away. If he knew who I am he would know that Zyphr isn't my father.

"He's my adoptive father." I added "He adopted me eight years ago." I said as I tried to keep the emotions controlled. Talking about Zyphr makes me sad sometimes.

"Oh," Marie said with a smile. "How old is he now?"

"He is supposed to be sixty-one this year." I replied. "He died last year." I answered the questioned look on Marie's face.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Marie breathed. She gave me a small smile then she looked away.

My little talk about my adoptive father had caused a weird vibe around us. We didn't really talk at all. It was an awkward silence that we had shared. Edward and Freya didn't even try to argue, they just peacefully shared the scalpel as they started to cut deep into the cat's muscles.

"Alright, let's see," Professor Landau stopped at our table observing our dissected cat. "Good job, Did you let the other's dissect Freya?" he looked at Freya with humor on his face when he saw her blush.

Freya dropped the scalpel on the table and looked at Edward, "He did most of it,"

Professor Landau looked at Edward curiously—I know that look. He's impressed with Edward's excellent handiwork with the muscles perfectly cut from its insertion. "Good job, Edward." He complimented Edward with a quick pat on his shoulder. Then he stalked off to another group while muttering, "I guess that group is perfect then."

Edward and I looked at each other smiling. Obviously we heard what the Professor said.

Marie and Freya offered to put away the cat while Edward and I cleaned our desks. I'm sure Marie and Freya was probably gossiping and showing off Edward's perfect handy work.

Edward and I cleaned our table in silence. The same awkward silence that the four of us had shared. I did not care though; silence is good enough for me.

I started to hum the melody that my brain started to play, a lovely tune that I have known for awhile now.

Edward froze, and his eyes were boring into mine when I met his gaze. He had a bright smile on his face. He looked happy, excited—joy.

I smiled back at him and tilted my head a bit; behind my smile I was eyeing him curiously. "What?"

He hesitated for a second, "The melody you're humming…" he paused he seemed too excited to even continue his own sentence.

I laughed, "Oh, well its something that has been stuck in my head for a while now." _It's the first thing I heard when my heart stopped beating. _

"That's interesting, it's a lullaby right?" He asked, but his tone seemed like he already knew the answer to that question.

Huh, a lullaby? Come to think of it, the song that has been stuck in my head does sound like a lullaby. That's interesting that my brain remembered a lullaby, knowing that id never be able to sleep again. Well maybe because deep inside of me wants to fall asleep and be able to dream again. "Yes it does seem like it." I agreed. "Have you heard of it?" I asked hopefully.

"Once in a while, but not as much before," He replied. But there was something in his tone of voice that made me even more curious—he sounded a bit smug.

"That awesome," I muttered, "I have been looking for that song for awhile now… humming it to people so they can tell me where I can find it—well it wasn't successful. They thought I was crazy."

He laughed. I felt my stomach lurch a bit. This was the first time I actually heard him laugh like that, it sounded nice—it sounded right for him to laugh beautifully like that.

"Well if you want I can help you look for it."

I just stared at him my mouth went agape, "Really?"

He just shrugged, "Yeah, I'm sure I can probably find it," he added. He grinned his eyes seems like its glowing with happiness. Then he started humming too, a song that seemed familiar also.

_Whatever makes him happy I guess._ Deep inside of me that is probably hidden, wants to see him smile like that. This was actually the first time I've talked to Edward other than school stuff. And the interesting thing is the urge to run away had faded for now. It seemed like I was getting used to Edward being around. Maybe getting to know him wouldn't be that bad.

"Hey wait for me outside I need to talk to Professor Landau real quick." Marie told when she saw that Freya, Edward and I were ready to leave class. And start the weekend.

The three of us walked silently out of the building, I heart Freya's heart race when she saw Mark standing outside the building waiting for her. "Breathe," I suggested to her when she started hyperventilating. Mark and Freya's relationship impresses me so much. Even though they have been going out for almost a year now, their love is still strong for each other like it just hit them—maybe stronger.

"Oh, incoming…" Freya muttered to me.

She didn't have to warn me to know who was coming towards us. The fact that my throat is tickling me was a proof to that. I took a deep breath and inhaled the beautiful scent that's coming towards me—teasing myself control. I turned around to see where the scent came from. A blonde hair boy with piecing baby blue eyes was locked into an intense gaze into my eyes. He had a bright smile on his pretty face showing his left cheek dimple that would have made my heart beat gone faster if I was human.

The beautiful boy stopped about an inch in front of me, his warm hands interlocked into mine. "Hey Bella," he said softly, he leaned down and pressed his warm lips into my cool forehead.

"Hey Luke," I breathed. I was seeing if I was controlled enough to be even this close to him since I haven't seen him for awhile. But I was so I started to breathe evenly getting used to his scent and burying the monster deep inside of me. I smiled at him and I tried not to laugh when I heard his heart race.

Luke Hart is Freya's step-brother. He is also my human boyfriend. Well, not really boyfriend, but more like someone really close to that. This is another example of human hormones overruled by its survival instincts. Not that I mind, Luke is the probably the nicest guy you can even meet. Besides he's a good pretense, dating the team captain of the hockey team who maybe the nicest guy in the world but has friends who can beat you into a pulp, is a nice way to keep Boys that are in heat.

"Aww, you guys are so cute together… when are you going to officially get back together?" Marie giggled, he voice sounded like a high school girl wanting gossips.

Alright, we he was my boyfriend last semester. But we drifted apart when he left for Toronto last summer for his Hockey training scholarship. It doesn't really mean we broke up, we were still physically close. We weren't exclusive to each other but we weren't single either. It's confusing but if we had to talk and sit down we might be officially "_Human boyfriend and Vampire girlfriend"_ but he doesn't know I'm a vampire though, he just knows that I'm different and he doesn't care.

Luke looked at Edward and then at Matt who nodded. He smiled a bit then he reached his hand out to Edward's direction for a hand shake, "I'm Luke Hart," he said, "So you're Edward Cullen—Freya wants to kill you." He was looked at Freya knowingly.

"I so do not!" Freya defended, her face turned into a bright crimson color, but she was ignored by the laughter the group had shared.

Edward grinned as he took Luke's hand, "Well, I'll try my best to stay away from her then,"

Luke wrapped his arm around my waist then he leaned to whisper in my ear, "See I told you, you're not the only one that's cold-blooded." He said knowingly, "See you're not a freak," he added as he kissed my cheek.

I laughed, "I guess not." I whispered back. I tried my best not to look towards Edward's direction, I'm sure he would try his best not to laugh too. Luke has no idea how much of a _freak _Edward and I are_._

Freya was eyeing me then she gasped and pointed at her step-brother, "You told her about the party didn't you!" her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her eyes.

I smirked. Of course I already knew about the party, my _nineteenth _birthday is on Monday, so my best friend is planning a surprise party for me. But planning it in our place when I'm in my room _sleeping_ with some of our friends, now that's just sloppy. And also the fact that she left some of the invitations on the desk.

I grabbed a yellow colored paper that has bold letters written on it, the paper smelt pretty good. And I'm pretty sure that Marie made the invitation because of the fancy papers Marie always had in her dorm room. September 6th is when the party is going to be at. My human birthday is September 13th, but I celebrate it on September 8th because that was when I met Zyphr.

Freya glared at Marie who just shrugged, "I'm sorry, I thought you wanted an invitation," Marie told Freya.

"You're coming right?" Marie was now looking at Edward, she fluttered her lashes. That's Marie's trade mark right there for boys to drool over her. But I'm sure that will not work on Edward, from what I've learned from Edward so far, is that he is a gentleman so I'm sure he will not say no.

"Yes, expect me there." He flashed Marie a smile.

I laid on my bed when Freya ordered me to go to my room since she still had final arrangements for the party tomorrow. But she doesn't know the fact that I can still hear her loud and clear, it doesn't matter though. I'm tuning her out.

I closed my eyes, and I saw _his_ face again. But this time his face was blurred. It's not as clear as it had been. As a vampire I should have sharp memories, but the memory that is playing in my mind is a human memory so it should be blurry. A sharp pain came shooting from my hallow chest. Every time I close my eyes I always feel this emotion—alone, heartbreak and numbness. But recently the boy's face is slowly fading away, once I saw Edward's on that boy's face. I didn't understand it at all, something inside of me wanted that faceless boy in my memory to be Edward.

Then another memory played in my mind, it's a clear memory it was Edward's crooked smile on his face when he heard me hum. His smile gave me an electric shock down my spine. I didn't care if my brain is yelling for my to stop thinking about his smile, but it's a better emotion. Remembering his smile made me a bit whole—happy.

I'm going to regret it, but it's a better feeling than heart broken and numb.

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a/n: so what you think.. review please!! what about the her hum huh? any comments about that?


	7. Chapter 6: Unexpected Visit

A/n: I'm sad that only a few people mentioned the lullaby that Bella hummed in the previous chapter… Oh well. Thanks for the reviews guys! And don't forget to review again on this chapter… it makes me feel special and loved! Hehe…

To **twilightfan09**: That's funny when you mentioned to do An Epov.. coz I was working on this chapter midway through it when I read your review! Thanks for mentioning the hum, its makes me feel special!

To **I-luv-Edward-Cullen18**: I hope the first paragraph answers your question.. 

To **Medicatingperfection: **I'm also excited to see what's going to happen to them too! I still don't know what they would do.. –winks-

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**Chapter Six**

**Unexpected Visit…**

_Edward Cullen_

The entire week had passed by with out a mistake from my part. I have been trying really hard to not talk to Bella alone. I had been battling with myself, to whether or not I should confront Bella and tell her everything I know about her. As much as I wanted to do that, I respected her space. If she wanted to know about her past she would have talked to me and asked me questions about it. So I decided to wait, to wait for her to come up to me.

But still I can't keep my distance from her. I felt selfish I just wanted to be around her, just her presences completes me—fills the emptiness in my heart. So I hang out with Marie as much as possible. Marie and I are just friends though, she's just using me to get her ex-boyfriend jealous. So, I'm taking as much of an advantage to that too. Two can play that game.

I distract myself by annoying Freya. She doing the same thing too, she's keeping me busy so I will not be able to speak to Bella. She argues with me when Bella and I are in the same room. The overprotective friend as usual, but I don't mind at all its funny listening or seeing to Freya's hidden death threats or anything to injure me.

"Look Edward, give me the damn scalpel!" Freya hissed through her teeth. Finally speaking after a minute of the glaring at me.

It's always hard trying to keep a straight face when I start to test her temper, how her sweet thoughts all of a sudden becomes hilariously violent, always entertains me. But a smile escaped my lips, "No, Professor Landau gave it to me," I said softly.

She glared at me, "That doesn't mean you'd do all the work!"

I shrugged. I heard Landau's mind when he handed me the scalpel he figured that if he would give the scalpel to Freya, she would do all the work and _I_ wouldn't be able to even to learn anything. What the professor doesn't know is that I have probably opened up a cadaver my first year in med-school so I probably learned a lot—would hurt him. "Sure it does." I argued.

She groaned, her mind clouded with fury. She was planning to grab the scalpel from my tight grip. The way she's planning to take it from me was dangerous. It would result into injury towards her and I don't think she should test my self control right now. I haven't hunted for a week so I'm a bit thirsty.

"Freya, just let the man do it. We already dissected a cat in Biology once." Bella finally spoke. She could tell that I was already hitting Freya's last nerves.

Her fury was thrown towards Bella now, and then she sighed in defeat realizing that Bella is right. "Fine,"

With Freya giving me a watchful eye—ready to interrupt me at any moment. I opened the lab book to the proper page for the back muscle region of the cat—my prop. To be at least human I have to look at the book, it would create problems if I would just cut at the right spot without even looking at the book. I stared at the book for a good amount of time. Then took the scalpel and slowly cut the Latissimus Dorsi.

I noticed that Marie was standing between me and Bella. She asked Bella something, but I couldn't hear what she had said because Freya was yelling in my head—panicking and impressed at my handiwork at the same time.

"Edward winning round one," I heard Bella tease Freya.

I had to bite my lip so I wouldn't burst into laughter with what Freya was thinking; when I looked at the book again my face was really close to the book that the tip of my nose was almost touching the page.

"Hmph," Freya had her arms crossed across her chest and she was looking at Landau who's starting to do his rounds now.

I lifted my head a bit looking at Freya, her expression is amusing. I just smiled instead of laughing at her. Freya was giving Bella the silent treatment because of what happened earlier this week. I didn't really know what happened because Freya was avoiding thinking about it.

Marie asked Freya if she and Freya are still fighting, and the reason why she is so upset at Bella slipped from her mind. Freya found a gasoline receipt from Maine at their desk. She was upset because Bella tried to leave without saying goodbye. But I didn't really dwell on Freya's thoughts as much, I was preoccupied about what Bella was doing in Maine—was she going to run to Canada.

Involuntarily my head turned towards her direction, I was looking at her warily. I noticed her clench her fist together, her eyes moving frantically. She lowered her head and started to breath unevenly—is she trying to be emotional? Humans do that when they are sad or upset.

I saw her close her eyes, a low sob rising from her chest. "It was Zyphr's birthday," she said in a low sad voice.

The sadness in her voice pierced my heart, but I was confused. Marie and I had the same question on who Zyphr was.

"Zyphr?" Marie asked for me.

Freya answered the question saying that it was Bella's father.

Bella was looking at me now, her face as if she was searching for a certain expression from my face to see if I actually would know that Zyphr wasn't her father. I just looked at her trying to keep my emotions to myself. I've had over a century of practice I'm sure I wont give anything away.

_No mistakes, _I reminded myself.

"He's my adoptive father," Bella paused, "He adopted me eight years ago," I could hear the sadness in her voice. Clearly talking about him is making her sad.

I had to look away from her face so I looked at the book again, Freya was remembering Bella's dad's funeral that was a year ago. She knew that Bella loved him so much, she played the funeral in her head.

The look on Bella's face when the casket was being brought down into the ground was heart breaking, her face was torn, but she couldn't cry because of what we are. So she just stood there watching trying to be strong even though I know that she was broken inside and out when she saw her _father_ being buried. She had that same look on her face when I told her that I didn't love her. I cringed at the memory. I can never forgive myself for hurting Bella.

The four of us didn't talk anymore after that, we shared an awkward silence after Bella mentioned her adoptive father. Freya didn't even try to argue with me anymore. And as a peace offering I shared the scalpel with her as we started to cut into the Trapezius muscle.

My thoughts were filled by excitement from Professor Landau had when he approached our table, "Alright let's see," He looked at our cat, then to Freya when he saw her holding the scalpel, "Good job, Did you let the other's dissect Freya?"

Freya's face turned into bright pink with embarrassment. She dropped the scalpel and looked at me, "Edward did most of it,"

_Wow, _Professor Landau thought when he looked at me. He looked impressed and jealous at the same time, _I can't even cut that neatly through the External Oblique_. "Good job Edward," he complimented then he patted my shoulder. "I guess that group is perfect then," he muttered so low no one would be able to hear it, before stalking off to another group

Bella and I looked at each other and smiling. Of course vampires could hear it.

Marie and Freya offered to put the cat away, suggesting that Bella and I should clean the tables. Marie just wanted to show off my handiwork to her ex-boyfriend, David Keith. Freya wanted to leave the table because she was just too guilty for staying mad at Bella all that time and she didn't even know the reason behind Bella's sudden decision. She also felt bad for planning a party forgetting that Zyphr and Bella's birthday is a week apart. She had to recollect her thoughts.

This is the first time that Freya had left me alone with Bella. She figured that after what Bella had said about Zyphr, I wouldn't have the guts to speak to Bella since the awkward silence was still there. And she was right. I was trying my best not to say anything—afraid I might give something away.

Bella started humming when she and I started to clean the table. It was a familiar tune.

I froze, my insides started to jump and I almost thought my heart would have jumped out of my heart—if that was possible. Bella is humming my lullaby—no _her _lullaby. The lullaby I sing to her every night that I was with her. She does remember me in a way.

Bella noticed my sudden burst of emotions, she met my gaze. She tilted her head a bit and eyed me curiously. She had a beautiful smile on her face but it was a cautious smile, "What?"

_No mistakes_, I reminded myself again. "The melody you're humming…" I couldn't even finish my own sentence I was just too happy.

She laughed, "Oh, well its something that has been stuck in my head for a while now."

I wanted to ask how long she knew the Lullaby, but I don't think she even knows what that is, "That's interesting, it's a lullaby right?" I tried to say so it would be a question, but it came out more as a statement.

I saw her expression change, "Yes it does seem like it." She agreed. "Have you heard of it?" She asked hopeful.

So I was right she didn't know what she was humming. It's alright to me the fact that she has something of me makes me happy. _You have no idea—when you were human I used to sing that lullaby to you while you're asleep in my arms. And also when I want to wallow and think about only you, I play that on the piano. _I wanted to tell her that but I know I couldn't._ Keep it light._ "Once in a while, but not as much before," I heard what I sounded like, I sounded proud. But she didn't notice it.

"That awesome," she muttered, "I have been looking for that song for awhile now… humming it to people so they can tell me where I can buy it—well it wasn't successful. They thought I was crazy."

I laughed, _Of course no one would know what it is Bella, that lullaby is just for you. _"Well if you want I can help you look for it." I added.

She looked at me her mouth opened slightly in surprise, "Really?"

I shrugged, "Yeah, I'm sure I can probably find it," I said. _I guess it is time for me to visit forks and see if the CD I made for her birthday 10 years ago is still under the floor boards in her room. _The thought made me smile. Then I started humming Esme's Song, I watched her in the corner of my eye her expression changed which means she finds this familiar too.

Bella, Freya and I walked out of the building after Marie told us to wait for her outside. Her excuse was to talk to Professor Landau. She was really going to invite David to the _surprise _party for Bella tomorrow.

I smiled when I heard Bella tell Freya to breathe when she saw Mark walking towards us.

But that didn't catch my attention, another boy was walking with Mark. A blonde hair boy with blue eyes that's locked into Bella's gaze. His thoughts were surrounded with intense feelings towards Bella—lust, love, and admiration. He interlocked his fingers with Bella's hands and kissed her forehead.

A monster within me wanted to break the boy apart. But I was able to control him before the monster even could do anything rash such as growling. I haven't felt this emotion for awhile. Last time I felt this was when Mike Newton would try to make his moves towards Bella before Bella knew I love her. Jealousy was slowly creeping into my spine.

But there was nothing for me to want to hurt the boy, no bad thoughts had surrounded him. He's a nice guy that is overruled by his hormones.

He looked at me, _Ah, this is the guy that gets to Freya's nerves. _He didn't even know me yet, but he liked me—just because I tease his step-sister. , "I'm Luke Hart," he said as he lifted his hand for me to shake, "So you're Edward Cullen—Freya wants to kill you." He glanced towards Freya's direction and gave her a dark smile.

"I so do not!" Freya defended. _I don't want to kill him. I just want him to keep his thoughts to himself and not scare Bella. _

I grinned and took his hand and shook it briefly, "Well, I'll try my best to stay away from her then,"

I notice him flinch because of my cold hands, the proper reaction. Mark didn't react like this when he shook my hand.

_Ah, he's as cold as Bella. _He then wrapped his arm around Bella's waist and whispered in her ear, "See I told you, you're not the only one that's cold-blooded." He said and then he glanced towards my direction, "See you're not a freak," he added and he kissed her cheek.

I grinned, he has no idea how much of a _freak_ Bella and I are.

I am really impressed by how Bella is so close to humans like this. To be able to have a boy that close to her—the way I was with her. And she's only a decade old. If she had lost her memory, how did she know that there is another way of life other than killing humans? _My _way of life. Did she just think about it when she had lost her memory? That she couldn't hurt humans because she might hurt someone from her past? These questions are killing me alive. If I go back to Forks would I find her grave there? When she died?

"You're coming right?" Marie had brought me from my slow demise with her question, she was fluttering her eyes knowing that it would work. _Please come, David said he was going to be there. And he's going to want to get back with me if he sees me with you._

I smiled, "Yes, expect me to be there," at least if I take advantage of her friendship with Bella I'll might as well let her use me as a guinea pig.

When I parked my car in my usual parking spot in my apartment, a voice had entered my mind—someone singing in Japanese. I grinned, Alice has given me a surprise visit. She's hiding something from me too.

I opened my door, and there she is sitting as still as possible the living room. Even though she was singing a happy Japanese song, she looked furious. She was also ready to pounce at me any minute now if I say the wrong words. "Hello Alice," I said formally.

She hissed at me. She showed me all her ultra white teeth, probably tying to scare me. _Is there anything you want to tell me Edward?_

I stared at her confusedly, "I don't know…" I grinned, "Is there anything _you _want to tell me,"

She growled again, "Don't play dumb Edward!" she said angrily.

I just shrugged, "I really don't know what you talking about," I didn't really know what she's talking about. Why is she here anyway, I wanted to ask but I'm sure she'll get to that when she calms down a bit.

She smirked, "Oh really Edward?" she challenged.

"Yes," then it slipped, her vision. She saw me in front of our house in Forks.

She was now in front of me and she poked my chest, it sounded like a low thud on a wall. "You can't just all of a sudden decide to go to Forks!" she yelled at me, "Don't you think it's too late for you to come back!? She's twenty eight by now…"

I just tuned her out she was going on and on about how it's too late for me to go back, and how she wanted to go see Bella but she can't because I told her not to. I was just too stunned to even try to keep up with her. She doesn't know what happened to Bella. I had to give her credit though, when I ordered her not to look at Bella's future she never did. Cause if she had seen Bella turning into a vampire I would I tried to save her—to be with her.

"Edward, answer me!" Alice took my shoulder and shook me wildly, "I know you're much smarter than that! You can't just barge into her life like that Edward! You just can't!" she sobbing now tearless cries. She loves Bella so much. I knew when I left Bella I was going to be broken hearted but I didn't realize that my entire family was going to be as broken as I was—maybe worst because they had to deal with Bella gone and me broken.

"You have no idea do you?" I breathed, I was suddenly mad that she could think that id just disrupt Bella's life like that if she was still human. I was angry that my sister that didn't know me that at all. I was angry that she didn't know what Bella had become.

She looked at me, her brows furrowed. Her beautiful face contorted. Confusion and anger filled her face. "What do you mean?"

"You really don't know?" I hissed at her and I looked in her mind but she doesn't know at all.

"What are you talking about Edward?" she sounded annoyed now.

I just stared at her. So to be able to help her see and understand. I decided to bring her to Bella's birthday party tomorrow. At that exact moment I saw what she was seeing. Alice and I walking to a crowded place with a lot of birthday presents by a table near the cake. Then Alice spots Bella in the crowd, her golden eyes met Bella's.

Alice was stunned and she fell on the ground her knees weak, "Edward? Is that…" she sobbed. _I should have seen… I should have…_

I knelt in front of her grabbed her face and kissed her forehead, "It's not your fault Alice, It is all mine…" I hugged her and she sobbed on my chest.

_Edward, how did this happen? _She hugged me tightly that I if I was human I would have broke into pieces. Her thoughts dwelled on her memories on Bella, her smile her laugh and her face—her human features.

"I don't know. She doesn't even know herself. She lost her memory when she was turned. She is like us. She is so close to humans. Her best friend is human, A human adopted her and she has…" I couldn't finish the word human boyfriend. But she probably understood what I meant now.

She was staring at me intensely, _Should we tell her? Can't you read her mind still?_

I shook my head answering both her questions. I told her what Bella did when she saw me Monday. She ran to Maine because she could handle the pressure of gaining her memories again. And I didn't want her to run.

_What should we do then?_

"Today, she hummed the lullaby I made her. She will slowly remember us Alice, but we have to wait." I said as I held her shoulder firmly.

She groaned impatient now, _But I miss her Edward! _

I laughed, "I know, do you know how hard it is to pretend not knowing her when I sit with her in class,"

"What are we going to do then?"

I smiled, If she saw me going to Forks then maybe I should go there. Besides the CD would be a great gift for Bella.

"I'm going with you!" Alice insisted when she saw me standing in front of Charlie Swan's house.

I laughed then nodded, "I don't think you will not let me leave with out you," I said. Knowing Alice, when she's made up her mind no once can change that now. And of course I can see that—I'm a mind reader.

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a/n: so what you think? Reviews please. :)


	8. Chapter 7: Nightmares

A/N: Hello guys! Thanks for the reviews, favorites and alerts… it makes me so happy! I love you guys! Well this will be the last time I will have someone else's point of view other than Bella and Edward. I just want to tell what happened to Bella… I hope you'd like this too! Please review also…

I'm slowly having writers block too—it's scaring me!! Inspire me people..please?

Also I hope this answers some curiosity about Jacob Black… -winks-

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**Chapter Seven**

**Nightmares…**

_Jacob Black_

I was just staring at Charlie's house. I am furious at myself. I can't believe I said yes about house sitting their house for the whole month. Charlie and Sue went on a cruise around the Caribbean. When Harry Clearwater passed away about a few months after Bella _disappeared_ Sue and Charlie became inseparable since they both know what it feels like to be left alone by the one you truly love—your life. So on Bella's birthday or Harry's death anniversary the Clearwater-Swan family go on a trip, and this year they decided to be away for a month.

I do need the extra cash I know that. But am I really that desperate to even want to be in this house to be able to breathe on the distinct scent that she had left in her house even though she hasn't stepped foot on it for ten years now.

I looked at my reflection at the glass door of their house. I looked terrible. The darkness under my eyes looked more obvious now. I haven't slept at all in days, I couldn't sleep I was having my nightmares again. I was expecting it to come too, since her birthday is coming up. I was ready for the depression to hit me hard.

Every time I close my eyes, I see her face in that terrible accident. The accident when my heart died when hers stopped beating. The pack and I tried to save Bella. But that bloodsucker bit Bella before we could—we were only a second late. What would have happened if we were able to stop him? Would Bella be happy with me right now? Or would she still be mourning for that bloodsucker that she loves.

So, I prevented to sleep for this week. I'd rather be sleep deprived than hear Bella's piercing screams in my head. Or even relieve it in my dreams. Her screams and begging me to kill her was just too much for me to take. It was like someone stabbing my heart then pulling it out of my chest making me bleed inside and out.

I love her so much that I couldn't dare hurt a single strand of her hair. I just sat there right beside her, helpless trying to reassure her that she would be alright. I could have ended her life right at that moment but I couldn't.

Thinking about Bella always makes me weak, good thing I was already in front of the couch when my knees started to give out on me. I sat on the small couch trying to be comfortable, Charlie hasn't bought new furniture in his house. So I'm still sitting on the couch that's probably as old as I am.

I reached for the television remote and tried to watch TV to distract myself. The noise keeps me from sleeping or thinking about her. But I was too weak. The fact that I haven't slept for the past week doesn't help my cause to preventing my eyes to be close and start my nightmare.

I was seeing doubles now, two televisions, two sets of basketball players, "No," I told myself but then my eye lids closed in defeat.

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_See Jacob, I told you running like this is awesome! _Embry yelled in my head. He and I started to have a race to see who is a faster runner. Today was a normal day for a werewolf; Sam decided to go for more rounds in the woods because of the sudden attacks of hikers in town. So as usual Embry and I are having a manly competition—though we are kind of acting like kids.

_I know, but you're going to eat my dust!_ I teased when I looked back and saw that Embry was actually eating my dust.

_I'm not eating your dust—yet! _

I could see and hear his paws dig into the ground to give him a good thrust to catch up. He was actually catching up but he's not fast enough.

_Stop, _a firm voice ordered, Sam's voice echoed in my head. We could see the tension he's feeling right now.

I immediately halted to a stop, and Embry was beside me now. We both looked at each other confusion in both our eyes.

I took a deep breath and my nose wrinkled. A vampire has been here, a fresh trail too. But then something else distracted me. Sam took another deep breath and it was a familiar smell, a beautiful smell the smell that I have missed so much since I haven't been with her for awhile now, so the scent is completing the emptiness in my heart.

Then it hit me, if a vampire is here and so is Bella—

I didn't have to think that much to realize that Bella is in danger. I dug my claws into the ground and started to run, even though I can hear Sam in my head telling me to stay where I was. I can't just sit there when I know that all my instincts and every part of me is telling me to protect her. He should understand.

I can hear Sam growl at me when Embry and I ran past him. Then he started to run with us when he saw the determination that I have to save Bella. He decided that if I was planning to attack the bloodsucker I would die, he had to protect me too.

_Don't be too hasty Jacob we are off our land, _We_ don't want to declare war by attacking one of those yellow eyes, _Sam said, he sounded hesitant he was ready to stop me at any moment if I do make a mistake.

_Is he really one of them? _Jared asked, he squinted trying to see even more—he has binocular sight, it made us all see really well. Bella was having a conversation with him.

But something he saw made me run even faster—that bloodsucker's eyes were pitch black. I don't care if its one of the Cullen's family or not—the fact that he's thirsty is putting Bella in danger. If it causes a war then I don't care.

"Please," I heard Bella beg.

I could hear the voices in my head started to panic now. Finally Sam had ordered to protect Bella. He didn't have to tell me what to do. I was already running as fast as I can. Embry is right on my tail trying to catch up. Even though he only met Bella once, he could see how much I care for Bella and wanted to help me.

I can see them clearly now. _I'm almost there Bella!_ My claws were leaving a deep print on the ground with how much pressure I'm putting on them to help me with my speed.

The bloodsucker moved a bit closer to Bella when she took a step back, then the wind blew Bella's hair towards his direction. He looked satisfied and happy, "Mouthwatering,"

Every inch of me ached with disgust, fear and panic. I don't think ill be able to make it, I have to—I yelled. The sound came out as piercing howl. But I don't think neither of them noticed it.

He leaned an inch close to her neck, his teeth glinting in the brief light that the sun let out under its clouds. His lips touched her fragile neck—

I flew myself at the monster and knocked him into the ground. My paw was pushed on his neck and my face was an inch away from his—the instincts to kill him were strong but Sam told me to stop. I was distracted—I can smell blood from Bella's direction.

He lifted my paws and flew me across the meadow. Then he ran away. I was going to catch up to him but Sam ordered me to stay with Bella.

The four other wolves were following the bloodsucker. Embry stared at me briefly then he nodded at me then followed Sam.

My eyes flickered towards Bella. She was lying on the ground not moving, she was breathing unevenly trying to ignore the pain on her shoulder probably. I whimpered as I started to walk towards her, blood was oozing out of her wound.

I phased into the human form and I ran towards. I lifted her towards me and let her lay on my lap. "Bella?" I whispered when I finally found my voice.

"Ed—ward?" She whispered, her eyes fluttered a bit trying to open her eyes.

I stiffened; I tried to control my anger. How could she even say _his _name after what he has done to her? "No Bella, It's me." I whispered, a tear falling from my eyes and landed on the tip of her nose.

She smiled; her eyes are wide open now. She's breathing through her mouth. She reached out to touch my face and wipe another tear from my eye, "You're talking to me now?"

I laughed, or at least tried to it sounded more like a cough. I leaned my face towards her cold hand, "I'm breaking the rules you know," I teased. I had to distract myself or I'm going to break down and cry.

There was a metallic screech heard in the middle of the woods, I cringed from the noise—they are going to do the same thing to Bella, I was staring at her face she still had a smile on her face though she started groaning in pain now.

"You have to destroy me Jacob..." she whispered her voice was firm and strong. I could hear her heart miss a beat or two.

I shook my head, "No Bella, I can't…" I whispered back in agony. I leaned my head on her forehead. Tears were free flowing from my eyes now landing on her cheeks.

"I'm going to be a danger to every…Charlie…" her voice seemed distant and her pupils are starting to dilate. Then she slowly closed her eyes and her head tilted towards the other side. She looked lifeless. Like a beautiful princess that's sleeping in my arms.

My eyes flickered towards her wound, it had stopped bleeding and the wound formed a crescent shape. But the wound was still red and swelling. She's going to be changed soon now. I started to shake her softly to at least try to wake her up. She didn't move—she's not dead yet I can still hear her heart beat slowly.

I could hear howling coming towards us, I know what's going to happen. They are going to kill Bella, so she wouldn't be turned. They can't do that—they cant hurt her! I have to save her.

I shimmered and turned into a werewolf again. _Jacob? What are you doing? _Paul's inquiry echoed in my head. Worry starting to play in his head when he was seeing what I was doing.

I took Bella's jacket by the mouth and flew her to my back, I looked on my shoulder and I was an inch away from Bella's face. _I'm not going to let you hurt her, _I leaned my body backwards and leapt about 3 feet off the ground and landed about a mile away where Bella and I were.

_Jacob, Stop what ever you are planning and get back here now,_ Sam's voice soft but firm which made it hard to even try to disobey.

I mentally shook my head, _I can't do that Sam. I have to save her at least. I might have been too late to protect her from that bloodsucker, but I will not let you destroy her. She can live another life—she knows about the _Cullen's_ lifestyle. I'll make sure she's far away from Forks or La Push as possible. She loves Charlie too much to even think of coming back. _

I could feel the tension building up between Paul and Jared they were ready to run after me but Sam just stood there silent, he's not even thinking about anything. He's just watching the fire that they built to burn the parts of the vampire.

_Newborns are dangerous Jacob, be careful, _Sam finally said after a few moments of agonizing silence. I knew that if Sam was going to order me to come back I wasn't going to listen which would break our brotherhood for sure.

I mentally nodded, _Thank you Sam,_

_Phase back, give Jacob privacy. We expect you to be back in a week. _He added to me as an order now. Then Sam's mind disappeared then followed by Paul and Jared.

Embry stayed for a few seconds, fury and wary ruling his mind. _If anything happens to you Jacob, I am going to break you into pieces._ Then he disappeared before I could even response.

I ran a bit slower now. I would look on my shoulder to check if Bella was alright or even still on my back. I have been running for a few hours now and I'm feeling a bit weak. But I had to be strong for Bella, the farther we are in Washington the better and safer it would be for her.

When I was finally too tired, I slept for a few hours and started to run again. Bella has been unconscious for about half a day now. And her human scent was slowly fading away now, she's slowly getting heavier too. She's slowly changing into a vampire now.

I think Bella and I just passed the border between California and Oregon. I have been traveling for over a day, I'm pretty sure about that I'm in Del Norte California.

I slowly dropped Bella into the ground. I was breathing through my mouth—the urge to kill her was stronger now, but I know I can control myself—I am stronger than that. I know that I couldn't hurt her. I love her too much.

Her eyes fluttered opened when I touched her ice cold skin, I was probably too hot for her. If humans find my temperature unusually high, what could it be to her—a vampire, probably fire hot.

I am looking at her eyes, her chocolate brown eyes are light brown almost red now, "You're finally awake, Bella…" I said

At that exact moment, she screamed a tormenting cry of pain that echoed in the woods.

My heart stopped beating and I gasped trying to gather my strength again. I have to be strong for her, I have to help her. I knelt beside her and took her hand, she grasped it and I could feel my hand slowly breaking.

"What is happening to me?!" a piercing scream escaped her mouth again; the scream caused my heart to bleed inside out.

I stared at her, confusion filled my face. "Bells honey, it's alright I'm right here…"

"My body it's burning!" she whispered, with her free hand she scratched the crescent wound on her neck, "Please stop the fire," she looked at me with anguish eyes.

I shook my head, _I cant stop the fire Bella, id kill you._ I wanted to tell her that, but I don't want to suggest that, she might beg for me to kill her. I wouldn't hurt her—I just cant.

"What is happening to me? Why am I burning, Kill me now!"

I felt sick to my stomach, she's right there in pain—I couldn't do anything. I just touched her face wiping the tears from her eyes, "Bella it's alright… I'm right here," I reminded her again. That's the only thing I can think of saying right now. I cant promise her that I'm not leaving.

She looked at me, anger glinted in her eyes, "Why are you calling me Bella? Who are you?" she hissed at me.

I started at her blankly, "Bella, that's not funny," how could she make jokes like this? She can't be serious. She couldn't have lost her memory—right? I mean she remembered me yesterday. What is going on?

"Can't you just tell me—I don't even know myself. I just woke up and here you are burning me!"

I sobbed, why would she think that I'm causing her this pain? "Bella, a vampire bit you yesterday. Sam and the others were planning to destroy you. I had to save you. The only way to do it is to take you as far away from Forks as possible."

After another piercing cry of pain, she looked at me confused and frustrated, "I don't remember—" she screamed again.

I was shaking internally, what is she talking about? She can't remember that? "Do you even know who I am Bella?"

"I don't remember anything, anything at all—" she took a deep breath and she was hyperventilating now, she was sobbing also, tears streaming down her eyes.

I examined her expression; she doesn't look like she's lying. I took a deep breath my nose wrinkled with the burning I felt.

I was curious if I should tell her everything. But I decided not to, maybe it was a good thing. I just started telling her about _the other _lifestyles of other vampires. I told her a story about the Yellow eyed vampires. How they don't need to feast on human blood to survive. I added her that I trust her to be strong enough not to hurt humans. Also not to go to Forks Washington cause her life would be in danger if she comes back.

She was asking questions about the yellow eyed vampires in between her cries of pain, she was asking why she knew that she doesn't need to feed on humans. When I told her that she was becoming a vampire. She swore to herself that she can be in control of that monster and feed on animals before I even told her about _them_.

I just ignored her questions, I told her to stop talking so she can concentrate on herself more. So she can fight the pain. But the real deal was, if she would keep asking about The Cullens I could feel the bitter taste of anger in my tongue. I didn't want to loose control and phase in front of her. I might not be able to stop the animal in me to kill her. But I had to be strong; my love for her is a lot stronger than the urge to kill her.

Wait, is that why that bloodsucker left her? Because he wasn't strong enough to keep her safe from himself? But I'm not him; if I could I would stay with her forever, to take care of her—to keep her from slipping up and attacking humans. I can keep her safe. But I don't think I can do that. I can keep her safe.

But she is a danger to me, the fact that she doesn't even remember who I am. And I'm not sure how her self control would be. I can see that she does understand what I'm saying though. She may not remember anything about her human life but she does know the _different _lifestyle, and she doesn't understand why. Even though her mind is probably hiding all her memories, it does subconsciously know about _them. _And I finally understand why all of a sudden she lost her memories.

She always had a strong mind, and maybe her mind knows that is she's going to turn into a vampire she's going to be alone—maybe forgetting all her memories all together would avoid her from going into that depression again without _him. _

I suddenly heard her heart started to beat abnormally fast now, she had her eyes open and it was bright red. Her nose wrinkled—she knows that I could be _food_. But she was fighting it I can see that, she also didn't want to hurt me. This is my cue to leave—I wouldn't want to test her self control either.

I rested my head on hers, "Bella, I need to go now… take care of yourself." I whispered, my voice broke on my last statement. I ran my hands on her smooth face wanting remembering everything about her before she becomes one of them.

Her eyes opened and met my gaze, "Why?" it wasn't her voice anymore, it sounds like a musical note. It sounded more like ringing bells.

"I can't be with you any more Bella," I said firmly trying to sound harsh so she wouldn't beg for me to stay, "By the way I'm Jacob…" I added. If I was going to leave her at least she should know my name.

I leaned a bit and touched her cold lips, "I love you," I breathed by her ear, my voice breaking and emphasizing every word. "I will always love you,"

I literally heard my heart break, so I just let my tears fall from my eyes when I saw the agony in her eyes when she realized that I was really leaving her. She had her eyes closed as if she was blinking her tears away, then she lifted her body briefly then screamed in pain again.

The transformation was almost complete, I immediately phased into a werewolf and I ran as fast as I can to protect myself. I don't care if she'd catch up to me, I'm already dead anyway. I died with her.

I started to run a bit slower; I was waiting for it—for her to kill me.

Is this normal to want death instead of feeling this emotion? Jacob was now crying his heart out, he was yelling at me to go back to stay with her. But the wolf is stronger now; it just let him cry while I protect us. I know that will be the last time I would see her. I'm sure the only time he would see her is in his dreams.

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My eyes fluttered open waking up from my nightmare, I was on my feet and I was crouched into a fighting position. I took a deep breath and my nose burned with the scent that is outside the house. I haven't come across this scent for over a decade. The scent that I came across when I was still human, a scent that didn't bother me as much when I would be with Bella—the weird cologne smell. But now that I have special senses I know what that scent was.

A vampire. Its _him_.

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a/n:what you think guys? reviews are deeply appreciated!!


	9. Chapter 8: Realizations though Music

A/N: Wow, I didn't expect to get this kind of response! I feel so touched you guys! Thanks! I'm glad you guys like the story, I was worried that no one would like it and I would start to have hide on a corner and breakdown… hehe! Please continue the reviews it gives me butterflies in my stomach.

**twaineeII:** I'm glad that you really like this story and sharing your dream That's actually a good story line. You should write it.

**GrlWithoutAName: **Yeah, Bella still had a heart beat on chapter seven because she wasn't a vampire just yet—her heart beat accelerated when the transformation was almost complete. (This reference is on BD when Bella transformed). Then her heart finally stops beating when she is a vampire.

**twilightfan09: **Yeah, the Cullens _moved _to Alaska after they left. Then a few years later they moved to Oregon. I looked up the top 10 cloudiest and rainiest cities in the US. That's how I got the locations for the story. I haven't been to any of these places.

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**Chapter Eight**

**Realizations though Music…**

_Edward Cullen_

"Alice," I looked at my sister, after I turned off the engine on car that we rented in Port Angeles. I parked the car in front of our house in Forks, "Are you sure that Chief Swan isn't here in Forks today?" I asked Alice about the fifth time today.

Alice growled at me, annoyed. She hates it when someone second guesses her. "Unless, Charlie and his wife jumps off the Cruise ship," She hissed through her teeth, "And decide to swim here from The Caribbean Island then I'm sure they are going to be here any time now." She said bitterly then she snarled at me.

I laughed, "I'm just checking," Then I sighed.

She eyed me curiously, "You're not worried are you?" then she laughed, _Like you haven't snuck into Bella's house and be caught by Charlie._

I smiled. She is right, I have stayed over at Bella's watching her sleep almost every night when I realized I had fallen in love with her—without Charlie's knowledge. But that was over ten years ago, I find it rude to barge in like that. Besides my plan was just to go into Bella's room and check her floorboards then leave.

Alice got out of the car and examined the house, "I miss this house so much." She said and then she leaped to the front door and dashed into the house. I heard her slump into the couch that we have in the house.

As for me, I was slowly walking up to the house. Letting memories play in my mind. Last time I was here was ten years ago when I told Bella that I was leaving her, I didn't even pack my stuff I just took my Aston Martin V12 Vanquish and left for Alaska. I left my Volvo in the garage, I don't know if its still there or if it even starts.

_Are we ever going to tell our family about Bella, Edward? _Alice looked at me when I sat on the piano bench. "They might want to know,"

I shook my head. "I know they do, but let's just wait for the right time. One person at a time," I teased when she yelled in my head saying that there is no way I am not going to let her go to the party tomorrow.

I ran my fingers gently on the scales to check the pitch. I was surprised that the tuning was still perfect.

I started to play Esme's song on the piano. I closed my eyes trying to imagine my mother's face when I tell her about Bella. I do not know if she would either be sad that Bella is alone, or happy that I found Bella again. Then I felt Alice beside me and she started to sing with the melody. I smiled at her memory. She was the one that helped me with the composition of Bella's lullaby.

I was proud of her for respecting Bella's space and my wishes. Her talent has been a more controled for the past decade. For her to see where Charlie is at right now and she didn't even have that significant bond with him was a really good compliment to her talent. She didn't even try to look at Bella's future even though it was hard for her to not even be curious.

"So do you think your Volvo still runs?" she asked, but her voice doesn't seem like a question, it's sounded more like a statement than an inquiry.

Then I saw her vision of us driving the Volvo to Chief Swan's house. "I guess so." I grinned.

She suddenly groaned, "I don't understand this, I see you giving Bella the gift." She said, "But I don't see you or me getting the CD from where ever you hid it. Its like I'm blind—it's annoying me."

I laughed, "Well, if you do see us giving the CD then that means we get it then." My fingers ran to start to play another song, this time its Bella's lullaby.

_You're a cheapskate Edward, why would you re-gift anyway? _

I smirked, she doesn't know what I'm planning. "It's the thought that counts. Besides I told her I'd find the song for her, so I'm _finding_ the CD I gave her."

She rolled her eyes at me, "Lets see if I can do some work on your Volvo before we leave," then she left me alone to play with the piano a bit.

I finished with Bella's lullaby, but my hands were still playing around with the keys creating another melody. My eyes were shut closed listening to the tune that is slowly playing in my head. Locked deep inside my head, was a memory that had escaped. It was Bella when she was still human, the last time I saw her. Her face sad, heartbroken and torn when I told her the lies about not wanting or loving her anymore.

The melody was louder now; my hands played the rhythm in my head. The tune was a sad and high note, like a sound of a heart breaking and shattering into little pieces. Then the tune changed a bit when I remembered the first time I laid my eyes on her beautiful vampire features, the tune was a cheerful but had a bit conflict of pain and confusion. Finally the song came slowly to an end when I started to think about what's going to happen between me and Bella in the future. The conflict in the melody was more slowly fading away, the song sounded a bit happier for the fact that I found her again.

I finished my new composition. I just looked at the piano and rested my head on the keys. I took a deep breath and just tried to calm myself from the overwhelming emotions I am feeling at the moment.

I felt a touch on my neck and a deep breath that sounded like a sob, "That was beautiful Edward," that was all she had said. She doesn't need to ask what inspired the song, from how the song had sounded I'm pretty sure it was pretty obvious.

We sat there for a few minutes of silence until Alice finally spoke, "Let's go get that CD,"

I lifted my head and smiled at her, "Is my Volvo is ready then?"

She had a huge grin on her face, "Yes, we can drive in style now." Then she frowned when she remembered the car that we had rented from Port Angeles, it was a just a Honda Civic since that was the only car they had left.

When I entered the Volvo I took a deep breath and there was faint scent of Bella on the car. It wasn't much, but it sure did make the monster in me roar in delight a bit. I let him enjoy the scent since that's the only scent he can enjoy.

Alice and I drove in silence to our destination. She was too annoyed to talk to me. She couldn't see anything that we are going to do for the next hour or so. She keeps seeing blanks, total darkness. Then she would switch back and forth to Charlie's vacation then to blank future.

I laughed at her, "I thought you are positive about Charlie's location," I teased her. My eyes were on the road but I was really watching Alice glare at me again.

"I am, but its just annoying me that I cant see anything for the next hour or two." She rolled her eyes emphasizing every word.

I parked my car on the curb of the house that I haven't seen for almost a decade now, happy and sad memories are playing in my head as I turned my car off, I shook off the memory so I can keep my head straight. "We'll see what happens now then." I opened the car door and exited the car.

I took a deep breath and my nose wrinkled with the burning that I smell. I've come across this smell before probably over eight decades now. I raised my arm to gesture Alice to be careful.

She looked at me and her nose wrinkled too, _What is that? _She tried to shake that smell off her head but it seemed like it was going to be stuck.

"It's a werewolf," I hissed through my teeth as I dashed in front of Alice to protect my sister. If anything happens to her I'm sure Jasper wouldn't be too hesitant to kill me. And I would let him kill me too, I know how it feels like to want to protect someone you love and care for.

"I can defend myself Edward," then she thought of Jasper when she realized what I was doing and scoffed, _I'll deal with him._

Someone came out of the house. I was crouched and ready to attack if needed. I could read the anger in his head. I didn't really understand his anger that he has towards me. It's not just the fact that I'm a vampire and he's a werewolf which makes us mortal enemies—it's something else much stronger than that.

"Whatever you've come here for bloodsucker isn't here. I suggest you leave before something rash happens." He said darkly. He was standing on the dark porch. He had his head down his hair covering his face. I couldn't recognize him just yet.

"I know Chief Swan isn't here," I said calmly. I relaxed a bit but I was still crouched and ready.

The guy raised his head up and he looked at me with hatred in his eyes, then I finally realized who he was. He's a lot taller and bigger than the last I saw him. He doesn't look like a kid. He's a grown man, time really did pass.

Jacob Black leaped and was now inches away form me, he growled. "Then you should leave, I don't care about the treaty anymore. I will kill you right now if you don't leave,"

"You are outnumbered though," Alice said darkly as she stepped forward and she is crouched and ready to attack.

He didn't even pay attention to Alice. He didn't even acknowledge her at all. He was too preoccupied with his anger towards me. He doesn't care if she would kill him if he would hurt me. He just wanted to destroy me. Fury is clouded in his head, one word had slipped in his head, _Bella_.

"Don't worry I blame myself for what has happened to her to, you have no idea how much I blame myself for everything," I said in a low voice, I looked away from his face, embarrassed.

I could feel Alice staring at me, _What are you talking about?_

Jacob was shaking, he didn't understand why I knew what he was thinking. He was trying to get a hold of himself, he didn't want to phase in front of me. Not yet anyway. "It is entirely your fault bloodsucker—you never should have entered her life. She would be a happier now!" he yelled in my face, his breath blowing into my face. If I didn't have great self control I would have attacked him. But he was right, so I was taken aback by what he had said I just tried to calm myself down or I might start breaking down.

She growled at him. She was now standing in front of me. "You don't know what you're talking about _mongrel._" She hissed through her teeth, she was coiled ready to spring.

And at that exact moment I finally understood the real reason behind his fury had slipped from his mind. The final moments of Bella's human life. I can see her agony and hear her piercing cries for pain like I was right there beside her. The memory is like I was transforming myself, maybe even worse because the woman I love was suffering and I wasn't even there beside her. I also couldn't believe that our family was only living about four hours away from when her transformation was complete—what are the odds.

I ran my hands through my hair as if I was trying to pull out all the hairs off my scalp, I opened my mouth wanting to let out a scream but I couldn't find my voice. My knees gave out on me and I crumpled on the ground. One word had slipped out of my mouth, "Laurent,"

"What did you do to him?" She yelled in panic hesitating whether to spring at Jacob or come to my side. She knelt beside me and she rested her head on my shoulder blades. _Edward, what is wrong?_

"Do you really think it would be that easy? I'd spring at him right now—"

"Why you—" she snarled at him.

I grabbed her arm before she would do anything rash and hurt him. "No Alice," I said firmly I looked at her briefly. I can see my face though her eyes. I looked like I was tortured, like I was burning at a stake. I softened my expression not to worry her some more. I told her everything that I saw in his mind in a low and fast speed.

Alice's features twisted, _Laurent did this to Bella? _She felt the same way I did; Anger and betrayal towards the nomad. She looked at Jacob, "The nomad that bit Bella where is he?" she said bitterly.

"The pack killed him," he and I said in unison. Then I felt Jacob's eyes on me again, fury and confusion filled his head. _What is he a mind reader?_

"Yes," I answered his inquiry.

He hissed through his teeth, he felt disgusted that I was in his head. _What are you doing here then?_

"I was going to get something in Bella's room that belonged to me," I lied smoothly. I don't think I should tell him that I am going to school where Bella is at. Maybe that would agitate him even more. I'm sure he will to kill me if he knows what my plans are—to give her the CD and hopefully make her remember.

He looked up, his eyes staring at the window in Bella's room. He was hesitant to let me in the house or even in Bella's room. But if I was getting _my_ stuff, then he didn't mind it at all. If I had anything that I owned in the house to him it seemed like a disease that I have kept it in there for a decade. Then his eyes landed into mine, "Go get it then, it's an abomination having it in _her _room."

I stopped myself from hissing at him I had to control my anger. He doesn't know anything; Bella had wanted those things when she was human. I took a deep breath and then I just nodded. I looked at Alice. "Stay here,"

She frowned at me but then she mentally nodded, _I'll be on a look out, _she was looking at me, but really she was watching Jacob. _That's why I couldn't see what was going to happen when we were getting the CD—a _dog_ is here—stupid halfbreeds._

I jumped from the ground to the nearest branch by Bella's room. Her window was open which made it easier for me to just jump right in.

When I entered her room, I was shocked by how much the room hasn't changed at all. It's like this room is a monument of Bella. But I can understand why Charlie did it this way, he loved his daughter too much that I don't think he can handle even changing anything with the room, especially if he thinks that Bella just disappeared.

I took a deep breath again trying to inhale the scent that I had missed for the past decade. The room still smells like her, like she had always been here. I'm positive it's just in my mind that her scent is strong. Something deep inside of me just wishes that this didn't happen to Bella at all. That I haven't left her or I didn't pursue my love for her. Either way, it just hurts me so much to be in this room right now.

So many memories I had in this room. This is the room when I realized that I had fallen in love with her when I watched her sleep. When she told me that she loves me in her sleep that first night that she actually slept in my arms. I watched her dream about me every night, and every night I wished that I could sleep and dream about her too.

This is also the same room when I realized that I needed to leave her for her own good, that I loved her that much to keep her safe by taking me out of her life. It was the last time I actually kissed her.

But the last time I was in this room was when I left Bella in the woods after telling her that horrible lie that both broke us into pieces. I was in this room when I wrote that note telling Charlie that she's in the woods with me. And lastly when I took all her presents for her birthday and the pictures she took days earlier before I left her. _It will be as if I'd never existed _I told her, but I wanted to cheat—I wanted her to have something of me, even though she will not know about it. So I hid it under her floorboards.

I took three steps forward from the window and then got on to my knees. I lifted the floorboard and there they all are--Bella's dusty eighteenth birthday presents staring me in the face.

The expired plane tickets to Jacksonville, Florida. The picture of me and Bella, that was when she started using her camera and took pictures of everything when she felt something was odd between me and her. And lastly underneath all of it a clear CD jewel case with a silver CD inside. This CD had most my compositions and on the first track is Bella's lullaby.

I left the tickets under the floorboard. I took the picture and tucked it in my jacket pocket along with CD. After one more look in Bella's room, I leapt out of the window.

I landed on the ground with a soft thud, I could hear Alice's relief when I was back. She didn't know if she could control herself anymoref from attacking the wolf in front of her.

"Let's go," she muttered then she dashed to my side to get my car keys from my pocket.

"Yeah, go ahead," I told her. She looked at me suspiciously but then she just dashed to the side of the car.

I walked towards Jacob direction. I looked into his eyes ignoring his vulgar thoughts. "Before I go I would like to say something," I said in a low voice.

His eyebrow cocked a bit in confusion, but he nodded for me to continue.

"I would like to thank you for saving Bella," I said softly, "I am grateful that you stayed with her, you have no idea how much," my voice throbbed with the depth of my sincerity.

His confused look disappeared in an instant, he glowered at me. "I didn't do it for your benefit,"

Then I saw the reason why he stayed, he feels the same way I feel for Bella. He loves her as much as I love her. He clenched his teeth together controlling his fury. _You better leave before I change my mind._ He turned his back on me.

Before he disappeared in the back in the house, he helped me realized why Bella lost her memory. My eyes flickered to the woods where I left Bella. She lost her memory because of me, she'd rather forget her memory than feel broken and sad because I left her.

_Bella love, I'll try to fix this. I'll give you your memory back even if it would cause for you to loath me. _My hand landed on the CD by my chest.

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a/n: I do not play the piano so I dont know how to tune it either. Hehe. i hope you like this chapter too! don't forget to review! thankyou!! loves to all!


	10. Chapter 9: “Be Safe”

A/N: well I was hoping that I would get more reviews… but oh well. More reviews guys it makes me happy!! Please… I know I sound like a freak, but I think I am. But thanks to everyone that gave reviews, alerts and favorites. ILOVEYOU all…

_References:_

_Twilight:_

p249

p23

p45 (tweaked a bit)

p84 (tweaked a bit too)

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**Chapter Nine**

"_**Be Safe"**_

I laid on my bed trying to relax, I closed my eyes a petite and pixie-like girl at 4'10", with a graceful gait and hair that is short, spiky, and black, started jumping and dancing around in my hazy memory. I smiled at this memory, it seemed like I missed this pixie-girl.

I opened my eyes and looked at my wall clock, listening to the seconds tick by—it was only six thirty in the evening. I closed my eyes listening to my surroundings, I could hear Freya arguing with Mark on the phone—Mark couldn't help with the decoration for the party tonight because of a practice for a game next week which means that no one in the hockey team would be able to help. People watching television or listening to music in their apartments and just relaxing enjoying, ready to for the weekend to come.

I could hear Freya pacing back and forth outside my room, mumbling to herself. I could hear her loud and clear. She's hesitating whether or not she should ask for help with the decorations. "Alright, you can do it…" she told herself as she finally found her courage.

I just waited, listening to her heart accelerate as she knocked on my door, "Bella?" she called.

"It's open," I answered. I sat up on the bed looking at the door.

She slowly opened the door and had this cute look on her face, "Bella, since you know about the party." She started and then she blinked. "Would you be able to help decorating Molly's house tonight for your party?" she pleaded, she intertwined her fingers together and rested her chin on it, pouting her lip a bit.

I sighed, who can resist that cute girl? "Alright," I stood up and grabbed a jacket—my prop. Its kind of chilly for humans outside, and people will make faces if I would just go out with my tank top and jeans.

"I love you!" she squealed and the she ran to my and gave me a quick hug.

I rolled my eyes, "Sure, sure." I tapped her back.

She glared at me, "Shame on the person who taught you to say that—its rude." She said stubbornly.

I shrugged, I don't know who I got that from but it's a fun thing to say. "I'll tell them," I winked.

The drive to Molly's house is about thirty miles away. I could be there in the next 10 minutes or so, but Freya doesn't like it when I drive really fast when she's in the car with me. So I kept on the speed limit.

It was quiet—too quite. I could hear Freya's heart accelerating, like she wants to ask me something that's making her nervous. And I suspect her step-brother put her up to this, to mention about me and him. Either way its make her uncomfortable enough that she's gripping on her knees.

She took a deep breath and cleared her throat. I pursed my lips together trying not to laugh. Any minute she's going to spit it out. And then mutter death threats to her step-brother.

"Bella," she whispered I barely heard her through her accelerated heart beat, "Are you ever going to tell me who Edward Cullen is?" she breathed. She looked annoyed.

I was taken aback at this comment, I wasn't expecting this. I also do not know the answer to this question. I turned my head to look at her and then back at the road. I bit my lip, "What do you mean?"

She scoffed, "I know it's none of my business to know," she said softly sounding guilty then she took a huge breath in, "But you just cant just tell me that you know him some how like in your past and not tell me what you found out about him since you're always different around him," she said this really fast and in just one breath.

I coughed a laugh, I was confused. "What are you talking about?" I'm pretty sure I try to avoid talking to him as much as possible but am I really that obvious?

She sighed, "Well, every time you're around Edward, you seem polite around him. But you more likely try to avoid talking to him. And I do notice you would steal a glance at him and you look confused." She bit her bottom lip as if she had said too much. "You can trust me you know,"

I know I can trust Freya, but I don't know if it would be safe for her to know the truth. So I can tell her what I remember of Edward—just a little. I took a deep breath, I just have to be careful with what words to use. If I would tell her about the blue van and red truck memory that would make me and Edward kids—even though we probably look the same way now.

"Its not as clear, but about a few days ago a memory slipped. All I could see was that Edward pushed me away from a moving van that would have crushed me dead." _Edward pushed the moving van away from me,_

Her eyebrows furrowed together confusion washing all over her face, "A seven year old pushed you away from a moving vehicle?" she said slowly trying to take in the information I just gave her.

I shuddered, did I say too much? I don't think so. I just shrugged, "I don't remember it much all I can remember is sleet and snow and then me in between a truck and a moving van."

She shook her head, "I'm not saying that I'm doubting you," she corrected herself before I would think something bad about it probably, "Damn, Edward had always been smart huh," she more said it to herself, annoyed.

"I guess," I laughed.

"Well, I shouldn't give the guy such a hard time. I should be nicer to him once in a while." She decided and then she frowned; "Besides I'm sure he's going to be around much more—the future boyfriend of Marie,"

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. _Future boyfriend of Marie, _Freya's voice echoed in my head. Suddenly had an image of pulling all Marie's beautiful dark hair, fury tickling through my dead veins. I was surprised by my reaction to this. So what if Edward would have someone in his life—I shouldn't care. I buried the monster deep inside of me hoping it will never come out.

"Oh my goodness Bella, you look prettier every time I see you." Molly Christen said to me when Freya and I arrived at her house.

I rolled my eyes at Molly, I just ignored her comment. She always liked to make a comment about my different features. Molly is Marie's cousin. She graduated with an English degree last semester. "Hi Molly," I smiled.

"We are here for decorations right?" Marie said trying to save me from her nosy cousin. She linked her arm on Freya's and then she winked at me.

It took me awhile to react nicely since the monster that I tried to hide was slowly coming out of my system. But I slowly smiled when Freya eyed me curiously.

"Alright, the others are going to come in an hour to help." Freya started, and then she looked at me with that puppy eye look again, "All I need you to do is write the _Happy Birthday_ stuff since you're really good with calligraphy."

I laughed, "You trust me too much… I might write something fun, like BellaSMella—"

Freya glared at me, her eyes narrowing, "Don't you even dare," she said slowly committing to her threat.

I laughed, I forgot how fun it was picking on my best friend. No wonder Edward teases her all the time.

She glowered at me when I started laughing. If I wasn't a vampire I'd be frightened of her now. But here I am laughing like there is no tomorrow.

"Alright, off to your station Bella," Marie said as she grabbed my arm pulling me away from Freya. I felt Marie shiver on my touch. That was actually the first time she had contact with my skin.

"Wow, is it really that cold outside Bella?" Marie asked me.

I shook my head, "I'm just a cold-blooded freak," I smiled.

Marie laughed, "Well, you're as cold as Edward,"

Weird emotions started to play around in my head, I was worried, frustrated for being compared to Edward. And then the emotion that confused me the most is that I was kind of furious when I started to imagine Marie and Edward touch, for her to even know that he has an unusual temperature. I was mostly annoyed at myself when I finally named the monster that wants to hurt Marie—jealousy.

"I wouldn't know," I breathed.

She just shrugged letting the topic drop. She lead me to the desk by the living room, the table was full of colorful construction papers, colored pens, colored markers, stickers, everything that humans use for scrap booking. "Well, as much as I'd like you teasing our friend. I would be very upset if you waste my papers and write anything other than what Freya told you," she said it calmly and then she winked at me. She knew that Freya was listening and didn't want to get her upset or annoyed cause all hell would break loose.

I smirked, "Scrap-book freak," I teased. Marie and I laughed.

"Thanks," she grinned, "Alright have fun…" then she left me alone to open the door since some of the people that volunteered to help was starting to come in.

I sat down on the chair and started doing the calligraphy. I was doing it on human pace, if I was alone I probably finished 20 of them in 10 seconds. I close my eyes trying to image a font that I remember that I when I would use Microsoft Word.

I already did three of them, I am starting on my fourth one. I looked at my masterpiece and realized that it looks familiar.

_I opened the door to my truck and saw the key in the ignition._

_There was a piece of paper folded on my seat. I got in an closed the door before I unfolded it. Two words were written in his elegant script_

"_Be Safe"_

"Wow Bella, Freya was so right you are like a walking printer with your talent," Marie said disrupting my new memory. She took my three others that I just finished.

"Thanks," I said, sounding distracted. I was still looking at new sign I just made, wanting to connect this handwriting in my memory.

"That's cool, that looks like Edward's handwriting Bella." She added,

My eyes widened in shock, I felt my mouth slightly drop open and I looked at her. I was about to ask her something but I lost my voice all of a sudden.

She tapped my shoulder, "Keep it up!" she said cheerfully then walked away since Molly called her to for help with some of the flower decorations.

I started to breathe unevenly, if this script was apparently like Edward's handwriting then the one in my memory is his. Why would a vampire like him risk a lot for a simple, so ordinary to protect when I was human? I'm pretty sure that his stunt with the pushing the van away from me, would expose him of what he is. But the fact that he's still alive and walking does mean that the Volturi didn't know about it. But why did he want me to be safe? I mean I know I was a clumsy human but was I really that clumsy that he needed to remind me to be safe?

_I entered the classroom and I noticed that all the black-topped lab tables were filled but one. Next to the center aisle, I recognized Edward Cullen by his unusual hair, sitting next to that single open seat._

_As I walked down the aisle to introduce myself to the teacher and get my slip signed, I was watching him surreptitiously. Just as I passed, he suddenly went rigid in his seat. He started at me again, meeting with my eyes with the strangest expression on his face—it was hostile, furious. I looked away quickly, shocked, going red again. I stumbled over a book in the walkway and I had to catch myself on the edge of table._

_I'd notice his eyes were black—coal black._

I blinked, then another hazy memory played in my head—human memory.

_In Biology II lab our teacher explained that we will be observing slides under the microscope and separate the slides of the onion root tip cells into phases of mitosis they represented and label them accordingly. _

_I started since Edward offered me to go first. I was showing off, just a little. I'd already done this lab, and I knew what I was looking for. I studied the slide briefly._

_My assessment was confident. "Prophase."_

"_Do you mind if I look?" he asked as I began to remove the slide. His hand caught mine, to stop me, as he asked. His fingers were ice-cold, like he had been holding them in a snowdrift before class. But that wasn't why I jerked my hand so quickly. When he touched me, it stung my hand away so quickly as if an electric current had passed through us._

I blinked again as this memory started to fade away. I was confused and frustrated. I have been trying to stay away from Edward since I didn't know if I wanted to know who he is yet. I've been waiting for the right time to come up to him. But it just seemed like I wasn't as curious as I am now.

"_Honestly Edward, I can't keep up with you I thought you didn't want to be my friend." I said sounding annoyed._

_He looked at me and smiled his crooked smile, "It would be more…_ prudent _for you not to be my friend," he explained, "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."_

_His eyes were gloriously intense as he uttered that last sentence, his voice smoldering. I couldn't remember to breath._

I took a deep breath, really annoyed now. My head feels like its going to pop. One question running in my mind. _Who is Edward Cullen?_

_

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_A/N: alright i hope you like this you guys! dont forget to review please! loves!


	11. Chapter 10: Party

A/N: alright here it is… tadaaa I do not own twilight, Stephenie Meyer does! She is awesome that way! Whaa…

Thank you for all the reviews you guys! It gives tingles down my spine which leads to being dazzled! I hope you'd like this chapter too… continue the reviews. I'm slowly starting getting writers block… so continue to give me inspirations guys!!!!

**twilightfan09**: I'm glad I didn't make you cry again… lol

**pricel: **Thanks for giving reviews on every chapter! That was awesome!

**Sheeijan:** I hope this answer your inquiries about Edward's acting… hehe

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**Chapter Ten**

**Party…**

_Edward Cullen_

The entire flight to New York from Washington was shared in silence between Alice and I. Though I can hear Alice's thoughts loud and clear, it was silent on my part.

I just tried my best not to laugh at her thoughts; the conflict, frustrations and confusion that she's feeling, I didn't have to have Jasper's talent to know that. She thought that since I told her not to look at Bella's future, she felt guilty that's why she never saw Bella. But the real reason behind it was because of Bella's friendship with werewolves.

I laughed finally. I pulled her towards me and planted a kiss on her hair, "Alice, you are not at fault with what ever happened to Bella,"

She sighed, "I know that Edward, but can you believe that Del Norte, California is only about four hours away from Eugene, Oregon? That was about the time we just settled in too… can you believe—"

I covered her mouth with her hand because she started to talk really fast and the other passengers started being curious about how someone can talk that fast. Besides, she's starting to panic. I should try and calm her down. I took a deep breath, "It's my entire fault Alice," I mumbled sadly

She glared at me, _What are you talking about?_

I sighed, "As much as I hate to admit it, but the wolf was right," I started, I motioned her not say anything when I saw her open her mouth to protest, "If I never would have interfered with Bella's life at all. If I should have been stronger and left before the damage was already done, before she fell in love with me. Then who knows—"

"That's not true Edward, my vision—"

"Your vision meant that if I was going to enter Bella's life, there were only two futures for her—either I was going to kill her, or she's become one of us," I said disgusted by own doing on what I have done to Bella, "But that didn't really mean I was going to change her,"

Alice kept shaking her head the entire time disagreeing to every word I had said, "But it's not your fault Edward, you and Bella are meant for each other. She was fighting to be with you,"

I just stared at her, she was right Bella was fighting for me. But that didn't mean I should have proceeded and destroy her life by pursuing my love for her. But there was no way either of us was going to win this argument. She is determined to prove that I didn't destroy Bella's life. And I wasn't really up to arguing with her. So I just shrugged dropping the topic.

Later that night, it took about three hours for Alice to pick out for what she would wear for the party. I waited for her at my apartment trying my best to be patient. We arrived a bit late to Bella's party because of it too. It was a good thing though since finding the house was easier now since the block was full parked cars on the road.

I could hear the human boys yelling about my car, commenting and complementing it. Of course my car at least a decade old, and also one of the last of it kind. I usually avoid talking to people who inquires about my car. Because of my pretense age I couldn't claim that the car has been mine for ten years. I couldn't really tell them that I bought the car for my a hundred third birthday.

When Alice and I got out of the car, people started walking towards us. But they didn't even see us, they were ogling my car. I could hear Alice's annoyance when she almost couldn't walk away from the boys.

_I can't believe this Edward, when Bella finally realizes how great huge parties like this are—I cant even be there to plan it,_ Alice thought in annoyance when she and I entered the house.

I rested my hands on her shoulder helping her calm down, and also guiding her in the house. I haven't been here before, but I've seen this place in Freya's head when she would take inch by inch of the place for decorations in her head.

The house was decorated neatly I would admit that. But I didn't really appreciate as much as Alice. Maybe because I'm a guy, but she is lingering in every decoration in the house remembering every detail of it.

I wasn't paying attention to her at all, I was searching for Bella. And the only way to find her is to search for Freya or Marie.

_Oh my god, Edward brought a date._ I heard Marie thought in panic, _This isn't going to work, I cant just steal Edward from her. I guess today isn't the day that I'm getting back with David._

And at that exact moment, I saw Alice and Bella meeting each other's eyes. Alice kept still, her thoughts were no longer coherent which is unusual for a vampire, the thought made me smile. If Alice wasn't a controlled vampire, she would literarily be shaking and fall on her knees. My hold on her shoulder's tightened when she thought of dashing towards Bella and hugging her tightly.

"Alice," I said as low as possible making sure Bella wouldn't hear it.

"Edward brought a date," Marie said to Freya, she tried to hide her disappointment in her voice.

I had to give Marie credit though, even though she really wanted to use me tonight. The fact that she doesn't want to steal me away because she thinks Alice is my date, she doesn't want to be rude and disrespectful. Marie is actually a nice girl who just wanted to do everything to get her love back. Another quality she and I share. But I'm not working as hard as she is.

Bella was still looking at Alice, the same look on her face when she first laid her eyes on me—confusion and curiosity. Then she looked away from Alice and then to her friends, "That's Edward's sister," she said.

_Edward! _Alice yelled in my head.

I was feeling the same way as Alice is. We were both ecstatic and had a hard time trying to keep a straight face. I was eyeing Bella, the way she informed her friends about it. She said it loud enough so that Alice and I could hear it. With the loud music around the house, she could just whisper it to her friends and I wouldn't be able to hear, but she actually yelled it to them as if she wanted me and Alice to hear it.

These are one of those moments when I want to know what she was thinking.

Alice and I walked towards the birthday girl, _These are the times when I need Jasper. _Alice thought in despair as she told herself to keep it light

I snickered. Again, I didn't need to have Jasper's talent to know how anxious Alice is feeling.

"Hello Edward," Marie greeted brightly, she smiled at Alice, "I'm Marie," she introduced herself.

"This is my sister Alice," I said, "Alice, this Freya, Bella and again Marie," I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible when I said Bella's name.

"Hi," Alice said she looked at Bella and smiled at her, "Happy Birthday," she handed Bella a little box present.

Bella took the present and smiled, "Thank you," she said "And you didn't have to," she added.

"Happy birthday," I greeted her too, and handed her an envelope where I hid the CD in.

"Thank you so much both of you," Bella said and she smiled from ear to ear. "Excuse me a second, let me put this on that table," she gestured at the table across the room,

I shook my head, and grabbed her hand. "No, let me," I said, looking deep into her golden eyes. I took the presents from her hand, and then turned around to walk to across the room.

I looked at my hand, I still could feel the electric current that ran through my hands when I touched hers. It was the same way I felt when I first touched her hand a decade ago in our biology lab.

I softly placed the presents on top of the others, I stayed there for a bit listening to the conversations that Alice, Bella and Freya are sharing. They are talking about fashion, much to Alice's delight that Bella's fashion had totally changed and dresses up more _fashionably_ I should say, than when she used to when she was human.

I turned around smiling since I could feel Marie looking at me, "Hey Marie," I greeted when Marie stopped in front of me and with a beautiful smile on her face.

_Alright, he's watching strut your stuff Marie,_ she told herself. Then she flipped her hair to the side letting them fall on her side. "Want to dance Edward?" she asked loudly.

I smiled at her; she didn't have to say it that loud. If I wasn't a vampire I would be able to hear that loud and clear if she would say it softly. But I know why she had to say it loudly. David was standing real close to us. And I didn't have to look to know where he is, he's yelling in my head—jealousy and agitation ruling his head.

_Why did I have to break up with Marie, oh yeah! Cause you think she's a distracting you from your studies. Now that she's not with you—you're even more distracted than ever. _He was trying not to look at me cause he might come up to me and punch me in the face.

I grinned, Marie looked at me confused, still waiting for my response. I leaned towards her to whisper in her ear, and to my delight on the corner of my eye David clenched his fists. "We both know the real reason behind this,"

I heard Marie's heart accelerate, _Oh my god, am I really that obvious? Oh well, what's the point. _She took a deep breath and giggled, "Well, I guess I'm not as good as I thought," she raised her eyebrow now curious how I knew.

I laughed, "Well, not to worry he's jealous alright,"

Her eyebrows furrowed confused, but the she looked at David slightly not to be obvious about it. _He's right, he does look jealous. _She bit her lip trying not to go on hysterics, she took a deep breath then looked at me, "Why do you know this?" she asked. _You're not a mind reader are you?_

"Well, I'm going to minor in Psychology next semester," I said softly, I could minor in it if I wanted. "Specifically on Human Emotions," I added before she could say anything.

She bit her bottom lip, "Well, I guess if you knew..." she started and then she gave me a knowing look, "I shouldn't feel as guilty using you," she smiled.

I eyed her curiously, I tried to search her mind but she was still excited about the fact that David was staring at me murderously. "What…"

"Well you're not the only one who is planning to either be a medical doctor or a Shrink." She said then she winked at me. She turned around and waved at Bella, who waved back at with a confused look on her face.

"Ah," were the only words that came out of my mouth when I finally understood what Marie had meant. She and I just smiled at each other.

"Well, ill see you later Edward," She said as she patted my shoulder. She was about to walk away but she then turned around to look at me, "We're still friends right?" but the way she said it, she already knew the answer that question.

I nodded, "Of course," I answered then I smiled at her.

I walked back to Alice and I rested my elbow on her head, which she slapped away immediately, "I guess you're having fun," I looked at Alice.

"Yeah, talking about fashion is my passion," she smiled._ Oh my goodness Edward, this girl right there is not Bella! I mean she is… but oh my, look at her she's so different. If I knew she could be reasonable towards fashion,_

I smirked, I just ignored Alice's comment and I was looking at the beautiful woman in front of me. She's not really looking at me yet because she was talking to some of her guests. I didn't mind I was enjoying looking at her.

"You should visit me up in Cornell soon, there is this awesome boutique there. I'm sure you'd like it." Alice suggested to Freya.

Freya had a bright smile on her face and she seemed excited about the idea, "Yeah, maybe after next week. Exams." She added sounding more excited with the exam than the shopping trip.

Bella laughed probably noticing the excitement in her friend's voice, she met my gaze. And then she smiled at me beautifully. A smile that reached her eyes, a smile I saw when she'd smile for me when she was human.

I was stunned by her smile that it took me awhile for me to react, I smiled back at her.

_Woah, was that for you? _Alice asked me when she saw Bella smile.

I slightly raised me shoulder to answer a question. I'm sure Bella didn't notice that. Alice and I are very good at private conversations.

"Oh my god, Marie and David—"

I turned my head, I smiled at the view. Marie and David kissing.

"Wow, I knew it was only a matter of time they'd get back together," A girl said who looked a bit like Marie. From what I learned on Freya's mind, she's Marie's cousin Molly.

But I wasn't paying attention to Molly's thoughts, Freya is looking at me and then Bella, Freya's thoughts distracted me. "Well, I guess those two are going to be inseparable now," she said in a high tune and then she looked knowingly at Bella who just started back at her confusedly.

_I'm sure that's going to make Bella happy then, _she thought as she looked at me and smiled. A memory slipped from her mind, a conversation she and Bella had yesterday. When she commented that I _might_ be Marie's future boyfriend. She noticed Bella gripped on the steering wheel and accelerating about ten miles over the speed limit. Bella's face was entertaining to watch even though it wasn't my own memory. Bella looked irritated—like she was furious about the comment about me and Marie.

I looked at Bella, she's still looking at Marie and David. She looked _hopeful_. She met my gaze again and gave me that same beautiful smile she gave me a few minutes ago.

I smiled back, I guess there still might be hope for me and Bella then.

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a/n: alright guys, I hope you like this one too. Flufff! Hehe…


	12. Chapter 11: Emotions

A/N: Alright, I really do not know how to start this chapter. So it took awhile. I hope you like this! And please don't forget to read and review…. It is so much appreciated. It helps with the writing process! To all people that reviewed, alerts and favorites thank you so much! I feel loved!

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**Chapter Eleven**

**Emotions…**

A month has past since my birthday party, and my world has turned upside down—a good thing of course!

School has been a bit busier these days, tests and speeches due around the corner, which is always good because I'm always up for a good challenge in class.

I've also sort of gained new friends. Sort of in away like gaining friends that I had in the past that I haven't talked to for awhile. Like David Keith for example, he was my lab partner in chemistry last semester. Much to my delight which made me get annoyed at myself, Marie and David are inseparable.

I found out the real reason why I didn't like to be around Edward that much, it wasn't just because his presence gives me migraines—if that's possible. But the fact that Marie and him acted like they were more than friends even though they only met for a week. Their closeness made me jealous. I'm glad that Marie was just using Edward, because I was ready to have a competition.

Ever since that slip up memory the day before the party, I decided that I wanted to be friends with Edward or maybe even more. And with Marie and David back together, it's easier to be friendly with Edward. Edward and I are closer now. We talk to each other, take sneak looks at each other and maybe flirt a little—well I do that, I'm not sure if him being a gentleman (like carrying my books, or my bag) is his way of flirting.

We talk about most things about what he and I find interesting. But never talk about the fact that I know him in the past or I'm starting to remember him. I just wanted to wait and see, maybe start from scratch hopefully. If I felt something for him it wasn't just because I knew him in the past, it was because of what I presently feel now, and I do know it's getting stronger everyday.

We also don't talk about the fact that both of us are vampires. We throw in a few innuendoes here and there. Like last week, when he had 3 lab reports due and he had a book report due also. He seemed like he haven't hunted for two weeks. And Marie always had this habit of flipping her hair and I noticed he was fidgeting in his seat, clenching his fists together trying to gain control. I suggested to him that he should skip school, and I was going to turn in his papers for him.

Also in the past month I've hung out with, his sister, Alice once a week at least. I met Alice in the party, I knew she is Edward's sister, when I had a memory about a girl names Jessica explaining to me who were the Cullens and Hales were. (a/n: Twilight page 18-22)

Alice and Freya are fashion crazed people. So we go shopping when we see each other. I also met her boyfriend Jasper. He's weird though, he doesn't seem like he likes me at all. He never meets my eyes and the interesting was, he seems like he's guilty around me—it's intriguing.

I fluttered my eyes open and my eyes flickered to the five presents that I haven't opened yet. I usually do not open presents from people I'm close to until a month after the present was given. I do not know why, I'm always like that. To make it seem like I could actually thank them when they think I'm using it.

I got up from the bed, grabbed the 4 boxes and an envelope ready to open the presents. I set them on my bed and I sat with my legs crossed and took the smallest box from Luke.

I opened Luke's present, there was a little note on the box _I hope this would be as special to you as I thought it is._ I smiled when I saw a hockey puck inside the small box. It just looked like a normal hockey puck, but it was the hockey puck that we used when he tried to teach me how to play hockey—that was our first kiss. I bit my bottom lip feeling kind of guilty, him and I haven't talked as much any more since he's too busy in practice and I've been busy for school. I set the hockey puck on the table beside my CD player.

I opened Marie's present, I laughed when I realized that I was holding a huge scrap book. The card mentioned that I should start scrap booking, cause its fun.

Freya's present made it seem like Marie and her shopped for my present at the same time, because she gave me colored pens. I'm guessing both of them wants me to start doing scrap booking too like they do.

I tried much to not stare at the envelope that Edward gave me for my birthday, even though I was opening the other three presents I was too anxious to see what is in that envelope. Before I knew it the envelope was already in my hands. A smile slipped from my lips, I felt the envelope there was a card in there and what it seemed like a circular object.

I opened the envelope since I couldn't take the curiosity building up in my nerves. I held out the silver CD, I looked at it curiously and I felt like I was having a Déjà vu. I just ignored that feeling and placed the CD in the player. I was still staring at the card, his beautiful script written in the card—the same one in my memory.

_Happy Birthday Bella, enjoy your present._

When I reached of for Alice's present, the music began. I started opening Alice's present when I finally realized what song was playing on the CD. I widen my eyes staring at the CD player. It's the lullaby that's been stuck in my head—Edward's lullaby. No, my lullaby. I swallowed hard, I felt my chest was going to explode as emotions started to fill my hallow chest. But it seemed like I was watching something also… memories playing in me head—everything to do with Edward.

_*His fingers flowed swiftly across the piano keys. He looked at me with a beautiful smile on his face, "You inspired this one," he said softly. I detected the melody of his lullaby weaving through the profusion of notes.~_

"_You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."~_

"_Bella, I was thinking, while I was running…" he paused_

"_About not hitting trees, I hope,"_

"_Silly, Bella," he smiled, "No, I was thinking there was something I want to try." He took my face with his hands again. And then he touched his cool marble lips pressed very gently against mine.~_

"_What am I going to do with you?" he groaned in exasperation. "Yesterday I kiss you and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!"~_

"_If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."~_

_He hummed a melody I didn't recognize; it sounded like a lullaby, "Should I sing you to sleep?"~_

"_Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?"~_

"_And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…." He murmured. I looked away from his intense gaze, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word._

"_What stupid lamb," I sighed._

"_What a sick, masochistic lion."~_

"_I love you," I whispered to his ear,_

"_You are my life now," he answered simply.~_

_*He took my hand, moving it from his lips, but holding it to his face. "I love you,"~_

I blinked, hoping that tears would stream down my eyes. The hollowness is my chest seemed to disappear. My heart seemed full, like it was going to explode at any moment. I loved Edward, or still love Edward. I fell in love with him when I was human—he loved me too. Does he still love me? I listened to the lullaby, I still love him. This feeling inside my chest is a proof to that. But, what happened to me and him? Why did I get separated from him? Truly if I love him this much I couldn't leave.

"Bella?" A knock on the door made me jump.

"Yeah?" my voice broke. I sounded like I was crying.

In an instant Luke came in my room, he ran towards my side and sat in front of the bed. My eyes locked into his gaze. His face looked worried, he hesitated to touch my face. "What's the matter?"

I shook my head, there wasn't anything wrong at all—just a silly epiphany. "I don't know," I whispered.

He frowned at me, and then he looked at the CD player. "That's a nice melody,"

I gulped, "Edward composed that song for me," I mumbled. Of course I didn't want to tell him that that was his birthday present for me about a month ago. But of course that would be really weird if I told him that Edward had composed a song for me even though we _only _knew each other for a week.

"Oh," he breathed, he seemed to understand what that gesture meant to me. "That changes things then," he mumbled. He let out a depressed sigh and he sat on the bed beside me.

We sat there in silence listening to the lullaby that Edward had made for me so many years ago. The melody gave me a strong longing of being in his arms again. I wish to touch his smooth face with my new fingers, and his lips. When the song slowly faded and started another song, I recognized Edward humming the tune in that day he was smug about the fact that I remembered his lullaby. The song was Edward's mother, Esme's favorite.

This time the room was filled with music, slowly also Luke's fast heart beat. He sighed again.

I turned my head and looked at him curiously, his heart had paced a bit when he met my gaze. I gave him a smile, "What's wrong?"

He smiled, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. He looked sad, "I guess I should step aside now," he whispered. His face looked torn.

I reached for his hand and held it softly, "What are you talking about?" but I didn't have to ask that. I already knew what he means. Luke and I never really got to talk about officially getting back together, him and I slowly drifted apart when I don't see him as much anymore.

"Its alright, it's my fault." He muttered, his voice breaking. "You and I did drift apart Bells, and I didn't fight as hard. And I'm left at looking at that consequence." He cleared his throat. He ran his finger on the bridge of my nose. "Lets say I was cocky." He grinned.

I bit my lip trying to hide a smile, he was right—he got cocky. "I didn't fight for it too," I whispered.

He shook his head, "Don't worry about it Bells, I just want to see you happy that's what matters." This time his smile reached his eyes. Though I can see the building tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry,"

"Don't be," he pulled me towards him and he planted a soft kiss on my forehead, "I can see how he looks at you Bella." He laid my head on his shoulder as he ran his hands on my hair. "He looks at you like how I look at you—maybe more."

We sat there in silence again, I just listened to his heart beat—slow and steady. I closed my eyes, realizing that Luke and mine's relationship is never going to be the same again. Its going to be stronger now, a good friend. Maybe another best friend too.

"Hey Bells," he finally spoke.

"Hmm?" I breathed.

"If Edward Cullen messes up, I was wondering if I could still have a chance?" he asked. I could trace all the humor in his voice.

"Of course," I laughed. He laughed with me.

We didn't move a muscle, I just let my head rest on his shoulder. A friend's shoulder.

The week had past, I tried my best not to jump Edward. Telling him what I found out last week. I didn't know how to start, or even tell him. _Hey Edward, I finally got some of my memories. You know my last times of being human. I also realized that I still love you. And I was hoping that you'd love me too._ That would be great. And I'm sure Edward wouldn't say anything he's such a gentleman that he wouldn't want to pressure me like that—if he did want to be with me.

Plus this week we were all busy. We had a practical exam in our Anatomy Lab—to identify all the major muscles in the cat's back, arms and legs. We had a little bet—between the four of us. Freya, Edward, Marie and I decided that who ever had the highest grade for the exam, would treat us out to dinner. Of course Edward and I don't eat human food, but a good bet is always good.

By the end of the day, we were in mine and Freya's apartment when we decided to show our test scores to each other. The usual people in the group where there, plus two people from the hockey team also. Luke, Chris, Andrew, Mark and Freya, Edward, Marie and David, and then I, apparently everyone on this table will be treated to dinner whoever had the highest grade in the exam.

"On three," Mark ordered when the four of us decided to look at our scores at the same time.

Four heads nodded at the same time as our hands rested on top of our test score.

"Three." Mark said and at that all four hands turned the papers right side up.

"Aww, I got an 87," Marie said but she sounded smug, not really bummed. I looked at her test score, I grinned. She didn't study for this exam. Marie is the kind of girl who doesn't really need to study as much and still maintain her B average grade. I heard from Freya that is the reason why David and Marie broke up. David needs to maintain a B to keep his scholarship; he seemed distracted when he was with Marie. Now, he and Marie have a study time together.

"Ninety three," Freya said as she looked at Edward and I. She's probably thinking we both got a better grade than hers.

Edward and I looked at each other with a smile on our faces. We both got a 92. Of course we could have gotten a better one than that. But I think we both wanted Freya to win.

"Look Edward, you and I got a 92." I sang and gave Freya a knowing look.

His lips formed a beautiful crocked smile, "I suppose we did,"

I looked back at Edward, and I raised my hand to gesture Edward to give me a high five. His eyes flickered to my raised palm, and then he softly tapped his hand on mine. Of course it had to be softly, or else it's going to sound like thunder if we would do it with all our strength.

Every one laughed at when they heard Freya groan. When everyone was distracted, Edward intertwined his fingers into mine. And he slowly lowered our hands on his lap.

"Alright, I guess Freya is going to treat us out to dinner," Luke said as he stood up from his seat and stretched.

Freya glared at his step-brother, "Hey, the deal was just the four of us!"

"Nuh uh. _Everyone _of us Freya," Marie said as she bit her bottom lip fighting a smile, she exaggerated the word everyone.

I wasn't paying attention to every one as much, I was preoccupied with the fact that my hand and Edward's hand is intertwined together under the table. And just this touch is sending electric signals through my right arm. Also Edward is circling his thumb on the back of my hand, all these touches is driving me nuts. I looked at him, he was laughing with the group. But his laugh seemed like it's different, that he's smiling for another reason.

Every one decided that they wanted to go outside and heat their cars up since it's a bit chilly out. Marie went to use my bathroom in my room. Freya was mumbling to herself about paying for nine people when she went to her room.

I was now so much more physically aware that Edward is holding my hand, just because everyone had left me and him alone in the room.

"Edward," I breathed his name, and then I looked up from watching our hands to his beautiful face.

"Hmm?" he looked at me and he grinned.

I sighed, I have to tell him. I have to spit it out. I bit my bottom lip when I finally know how to tell him, "So, Can you still not read my mind?"

He widened his eyes, confusion filled his face, "What do you mean?" he tightened his hold on my hand.

I smiled, "I remember you," I whispered.

The confusion in his face disappeared and now he's looking at me warily, "You do?"

His reaction confused me, does he not want me to remember him? I tried to pull my hand away from him but he didn't let me go. "Some of it, not all of them. But when I listened to the CD Edward, I just remembered stuff. About me and you. And it seems like I still might have the same feelings for you as I did." I looked away from his beautiful face, "Edward, you're not obligated to do anything. I mean it has been years," _just stop giving me mixed signals. _My eyes flicked towards our hands, he was still circling his thumb on the back of my hands.

I looked back at him, he had this look on his face. Like he was happy and worried at the same time, but then it disappeared when he gave me a beautiful smile. I sighed, "Edward as I said you—"

He leaned towards me and brushed his lips on mine softly. He rested his forehead on mine, "I feel the same way, Bella." his sweet breath blew into my face.

My lips formed a smile, I was about to lean in to close the space between us but then we heard a gasp behind us. I turned my head and Marie had a huge smile on her face. I smiled back at her.

"What is going on here?" Freya came back out from her room her face filled with confusion as she looked between me and Edward to Marie and back to us.

"Well, it seems like you really don't have to treat Bella and Edward out tonight," Marie said in a high pitch voice trying to contain her excitement. Though she couldn't really stop a giggle from escaping her mouth. She walked up to Freya and took her by the shoulder, "Let's go," as she pushed Freya out the door.

Freya was looking at me the entire time before the door closed in front of her face, I heard her mutter saying, "About time," before Marie and her walked away from the door.

Edward was still looking at me, "And no, I cant read your mind still." He looked frustrated that he couldn't.

I laughed, "I'm glad," I muttered.

We looked at each other for a few minutes, "What do you want to do?" I asked him as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

He thought about it for a moment and then he kissed the tip of my nose, "We can hunt if you'd like,"

I shook my head, "We can just stay here and talk,"

Before he could answer his phone rang, he let it ring one more time before he answered it. "Alice," he sounded smug as if he knew what Alice was going to say.

I wasn't listening to what ever Alice had said, I too preoccupied into Edward's beautiful smile.

He hung up the phone and then he had that beautiful smile again, "Alice is coming over." He wrapped his arms around my waist and he pulled me a lot closer to him.

I shrugged, "Oh, well." I really didn't care as much if Alice was coming. I was already in the arms of someone that I've been longing for since the first time I laid my eyes on him after ten years. Some how, I feel complete but something seems wrong. But I just ignored it, I was happy that my heart seemed full.

* * *

a/n:

alright, I hope you like this… ill put the references here cause I didn't want to do spoilers up there. Don't forget the review…please.

* means that I tweaked it a bit.

~ ends a memory... for some reason its always single spaced.

References:

Twilight:

327, 273, 281-282, 319, 294, 306, 208, 274, 314, 366.


	13. Chapter 12: Conflicts

A/N: She is she and I is I. (She=smeyer, I=lifeofillusions. Nonsense analogy= disclaimer)

I wasn't going to write this… but I guess if I do write Edward Cullen POVs I'll might as well.. huh? Hehe, alright. Thanks for the reviews, alerts and favorites! I am so touched you guys! And yay!! I finally hit more than a hundred reviews! More and more please!

Sorry if it took soo long. Writer's block is scary!

* * *

**Chapter Twelve**

**Conflicts...  
**

_Edward Cullen_

A month I patiently waited for Bella to open her present from me, I knew she didn't open it yet because Freya told Marie that Bella usually waits till a month after her birthday before she opens her presents for people she is close to. And of course I guessed that I am one of them too, because Freya was also looking at me knowingly.

I had to admit, most of Bella's friends knows that I seem interested in her. I thought I was good at keeping my façade by just acting like Bella is just some ordinary girl, obviously not. Freya is also noticing how her friend and I are a lot closer now. As far as Freya is concerned it is only a matter of time until Bella and I will get together. She is looking more closely now—noticing every smile that Bella and I share.

And as far as flirting goes between Bella and I, I could actually see notice it too. But my flirting is usually on the romantic side I guess. Like I offer to carry her books and her bag for her, I mean Bella could obviously carry the props without any trouble at all, but it's the thought that counts. Always a gentleman, Esme would say.

I also didn't proceed with my interest on being with her because of the fact that Luke and Bella are still _together_. Though, they aren't officially back together yet. I still respected his claim on her. And if ever they do get back together, then it's her choice and I'd respect that. I wouldn't jump Bella by telling her that I loved her, I'd always just wait for her to tell me. I'll wait for Bella to remember me, whether if it's good or bad—all of them.

But a week ago, I heard from the new people that started hanging out with us from Luke's hockey team, Chris Nelson and Andrew Fenton that Luke and Bella had broken up. That's also one of the reasons why they started to hang out with us to see if they would have a chance with Bella. Silly humans.

The tension between me and Bella became intense—to me anyways. I tried my best not to confront Bella about how I feel for her, now that she's officially single. I didn't know how long I should wait till I would be able to ask her out, obviously there are always _guy rules._ And being a vampire I was oblivious to these rules.

But it was easier to be much closer to Bella, to have reasons to be able to sit beside her, or even slightly touch her hair with out her noticing which is usually really hard to do—I didn't _feel_ guilty.

I sat down on the farthest part of the table when the entire group went Bella and Freya's apartment. This is actually the first time I've been in here; we usually stay at Marie's house since it's a lot closer to the school and they get lazy and just want to chill around while I just steal glances at Bella enjoying my view.

To my surprise no one wanted to sit beside me, they were all trying to make sure that the seat beside me was empty. Chris was going to sit beside me but Marie begged him to sit beside her because she might kill David or some excuse so the seat beside me would be empty.

Bella sat down beside me when Freya slightly pushed her to my side. Bella smiled at me again before she took a paper and rested it on the table.

Our little bet that who ever had the highest score on our practical exam would treat all of these people out to dinner. Though I don't really eat human food or neither does Bella. But it's always fun bet with humans. And to be able to play around and act human is always an interesting thing for me to do.

All the papers were upside down on top of the table, ready to be turned when told.

Mark sat beside Freya and rested his arm on her shoulders, "On three," he ordered when he noticed Freya peep at her score.

All four of us nodded our heads as our hands were on the papers ready to flip them right side up.

"Three," Mark breathed.

"Aww, I got a 87," Marie said with a grin. She would have gotten a much better score but she had no plans on taking us out to dinner. And also she didn't study as much for this exam either.

"Ninety Three," Freya said as she looked at me and Bella. _Ah, I'm sure Edward and Bella have better scores than that._

Bella and I looked at each other, she had a grin on her face when she noticed that I also had a 92. I guess me and her had the same idea by letting Freya win this bet.

"Look Edward, you and I got a 92." She said in a teasing melody while she was looking at Freya.

I smiled, "I supposed we did,"

Freya stood from her chair to look at my score, and she frowned. _I can't believe I'm a point ahead of them… I was so sure._

I met Bella's gaze and she raised her hand gesturing a high five. My looked at her hand for a second in hesitation, but then I just softly tapped my palm on hers.

I heard everyone laugh when Freya groaned when she finally realized that she is going to take people out to dinner. I wasn't paying attention to them, because my hand intertwined into Bella's hand involuntarily. The next thing I knew I had our hands on my lap.

Everyone was still laughing at Freya that only Luke had noticed that I was holding Bella's hand under the table. He was about to say something about or even protest, but then when he stood up he realized that he had no right to be all protective and possessive. He promised himself that he wasn't going to react any differently and just be happy for Bella. So he just stretched pretending that he didn't see anything, "Alright, I guess Freya is going to treat us out to dinner,"

Freya glowered at him, "The deal was just the four of us," she pointed to me, Bella and Marie.

Marie snickered, "Nuh uh. _Everyone _of us Freya," she said as she bit her bottom lip fighting a smile, she exaggerated the word everyone.

I laughed with the others pretending to pay attention to them, even though I was too distracted with the fact that Bella didn't even move her hand away from mine. I am holding her hand still, and this feeling is something I couldn't even explain. I started to circle the back of her hand with my thumbs playing with her hands, feeling her silky smooth palm.

Next thing I knew Bella and I were left in the room. I was just in daze which is usually not normal for vampires, I was just too engrossed by the fact that I'm holding her hand and she didn't even try to take her hand away. She was looking at our hands, smiling.

"Edward," she breathed my name beautifully that I lost my train of thought.

I was speechless when I looked at her beautiful face. I grinned, "Hmm?"

She sighed, her beautiful face contorted with frustration. She bit her bottom lip, fighting a smiling. "So, can you still not read my mind?"

I widen my eyes in shock; _did she just say what I think she said? _"What do you mean?" I asked in a low voice.

She smiled at me, "I remember you," she whispered.

"You do?" my voice sounded strained filled with sadness and confused yet kind of happy.

I felt my insides quiver in a good and bad way. What does she mean she remembers me? Does that mean that she knows everything or just remembers some of her memories about me? If she did remember that day when I left her lying to her that I do not want her, she wouldn't react this way. I felt her pull her hand away, I held on her hand tighter. I didn't want to let go of her. I don't care if she does remember everything I deserved whatever is coming. I already lost her once I don't know if I can take loosing her again.

. "Some of it, not all of them." She sighed, "But when I listened to the CD Edward, I just remembered stuff. About me and you. And it seems like I still might have the same feelings for you as I did." She looked away and was staring outside her window, "Edward, you're not obligated to do anything. I mean it has been years," she made sure that she didn't meet my gaze; she was looking at our hands.

I was still frozen by her words, speechless as a matter of fact. Did she just tell me that she feels the same way she did a decade ago? What am I supposed to say… how am I going to word it out that I am madly in love with her still, that she is my life. But how is it fair for me to say that when I broke her heart trying to protect her. Do I deserve her love?

She finally met my gaze, her eyes looked sad and confused. But something else disturbed me the look on my face reflected through her golden eyes. I looked happy yet very cautious. I should smile and be happy if she does remember me, because that's what I've wanted for awhile—to be with her again.

I noticed her lips move, she had said something but it was too low for me to hear. And I didn't even bother to translate what she had said I was distracted by how full and beautiful her lips are. Her beautiful lips that I want to kiss, to taste.

I ran my free hand to her face tucking her hair to her ear. I leaned in and softly pressed my lips on hers. I rested my forehead on her forehead, "I feel the same way, Bella." I whispered.

Her face brightened and her lips formed a smile, she seemed very happy with my reply. Her eyes are on my lips and she slowly leaned in to close the small space between my face and hers. But then she turned around when someone gasped behind her.

I didn't really need to look at Marie's face to even know how excited and _psyched_ she is. I could hear her yelling in my head. Besides I didn't want to look away from Bella's face, the expression formed on her face is so funny. Bella looked smug.

_Oh my god, oh my god! Edward just kissed Bella. Alright calm down Marie, this is none of your business so don't say anything. Don't jump them they probably haven't talked about it yet. Nonchalant, Marie. _She told herself. But even though how much she's trying to calm herself down agiggled escaped her lips.

"What is going on here?" Freya asked her head turned to Bella and me then to Marie and then to us. She had a confused look on her face, she noticed Marie's excited smile on her face and then she finally figured out what was going on. _Huh, did they just?_

"Well," Marie started as she walked towards Freya's direction, "It seems like you really don't have to treat Bella and Edward out tonight," she said in a high pitch voice, she couldn't control her excitement any longer now that Freya also knows. Another giggle escaped from her lips when she took Freya by the shoulder pushing her out the door, "Let's go."

"About time," Freya commented when Marie closed the door on her face and they started to walk away from the apartment.

Bella looked back at me, she had an eyebrow raised—she's waiting for the answer for her question. "And no, I still can't read your mind." That fact frustrates me. Bella's mind was always intriguing to me, especially now.

She laughed, "I'm glad." She sounded relieved.

We were looking at each other for a few minutes, "What do you want to do?" she asked. She wrapped her arms around my neck.

I looked into her golden eyes, "We can hunt if you'd like." I kissed the tip of her nose. Bella and I never mentioned to each other that both of us are vampires. Maybe that's another good innuendo right there.

She shook her head, "We can just stay here and talk."

Ah, she wants to talk and a thought came to me. I'm sure someone has seen this coming and wants to talk with us too, any minute now. Before I was going to tell Bella that we might be expecting a visitor the phone rang, I let it ring one more time before I answered it. I didn't even have to look to see who was calling me, "Alice,"

I could hear the car accelerating on the other line. "Edward, I'm going to be there in ten minutes. Just giving you a heads up." Alice said. She didn't even wait for me to reply she just hung up the phone.

Without looking away, I placed the phone in my pocket and then wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her closer to me. "Alice is coming over,"

She smiled and shrugged, "Oh well,"

Bella and I were seated on the couch waiting for Alice's arrival. As soon as ten minutes had past there was a quick knock on the door.

Bella smiled at me and then she dashed towards the door. She and Alice hugged each other. "I am so happy you guys are finally back together." Alice said, she rolled her eyes at me. _About time Edward._

Bella looked at me and smiled, "Yes I am happy also," then she turned to Alice again. "Oh, I really want to thank you for the gift you gave me Alice, I love it." She added. "I also wore it today too. Wait it's in my room. One sec." She walked to her room in human pace.

Alice dashed towards me and sat on the chair across me frowning, _I guess she doesn't remember _everything_ because if she does, she would know that I knew that she opened my present and that she wore it this morning._

I sighed, "Just the fact that she loves me and I love her is mostly what she remembers." I said as softly as I can so Bella wouldn't be able to hear.

She shook her head in disapproval, _Edward are you ever going to tell her about her 18th birthday?_

I cringed at the memory of it. I didn't want to think about it yet, I just hope I wouldn't have to deal with it. But I have to tell Bella, she has the right to know. When is the right time to do it?

"Tada…" Bella was back five seconds later, she fixed her hair a bit that the brown burette that Alice had gave her really looked good on her. I did notice it this morning when she wore the burette, that she looked very, shall I dare say, sexy. I didn't realize that this was my sister's present for Bella.

"What can I say I have good taste," Alice said with a smug smile on her face. _Do not tell her just yet Edward; look at how happy she is. But don't delay it Edward. _

I opened my arms gesturing Bella to sit on my lap. She looked at me her eyes narrowing her head tilted towards Alice's direction, she seemed like she wanted to punch me for even trying to suggest that.

Alice noticed this and she giggled, "It's alright Bella. I don't mind." She winked.

Bella looked at Alice and her eyebrow rose a bit. But she just shrugged it off and she sat on my lap. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her arm.

"Oh, thank Jasper for the present also I guess." Bella added with enthusiasm.

Alice nodded, "Of course! I'm sure he's going to be confused at first but I'm sure he'll get it." She winked at Bella.

Bella sighed and then she looked at me, "Is that a reason why Jasper is awkward around me?"

The question caught me off guard, I actually quivered. She noticed this and she eyed me curiously. How do I answer her inquiry without telling her about her eighteenth birthday party?

Alice suddenly giggled, Bella turned to look at her confusion filled on her beautiful face. "It's nothing Bella," Alice rolled her eyes. "It's just he's jealous of you." Alice added.

Bella laughed but when she noticed that Alice was just staring at her blankly. Bella realized it wasn't a joke. She glowered at Alice, "You're joking right?"

With a smile on her face, Alice shook her head. "He's jealous of you in a way that… how can I say this," Alice bit her bottom lip and tapped her index finger on her temple, "Jasper took about a few decades to be able to control his blood lust. To just be satisfied with animal blood was a struggle to him. But you, you are only a decade old and you have this great self control."

I looked at Alice giving her a thankful look for saving me. The reason that Alice had used is partly true. The true reason for all of this is that Jasper had mostly blamed himself for the family leaving Forks. He blamed himself when I told the family to leave as soon as I realized that I could never protect Bella for what we are. But it wasn't his fault though, it was mine. Every time I was with Bella I always kept her at risk. I love her too much to have her cheat death constantly.

Bella twitched her lip for a smile, "Well, the only reason I'm able to have this much control because I'm terrified that I might actually hurt someone from my human past." She looked at me as she linked her hand into mine. I pulled her closer and kissed her cheek.

So I was right, Bella would rather suffer the scorching on her throat than risking someone else's life. She's still very selfless.

_Edward that is just sad to be alone like that for ten years. I was alone for two decades also without a memory, but I knew what was going to happen to me. I saw everything. But she was alone… _Alice was looked at Bella smiling, though I know she is torn inside. She loves Bella so much, and I was too guilty to even look at my sister, I felt responsible for all Bella's suffering.

_Stop wallowing. It isn't your fault. _Alice scolded me when she noticed the sad look on my face probably.

Bella was just sitting there not saying anything. She was looking at my hand and examining it. And started running her fingers on the back of my hand, I think she's trying to spell something. _Love…_

I looked up and watched her face. She turned her head and she smiled at me brightly.

Alice phone rang, she briefly looked at her phone and she smiled. "Ah, Jasper is calling. I didn't tell him where I was going I just left as soon as class was over. Excuse me." She said as she dashed to the balcony answering the phone.

I was surprized at this, of course she had to rush to answer Jasper it took her a few seconds to answer her phone. With her talent, her phone doesn't even ring she already knows that you are calling her, or even call you asking what you wanted because she sees you calling her. But she waited to answer the call since Bella doesn't really remember that Alice has the talent of precognition.

Bella ducked her head on my shoulder, "It's rude to listen to people's conversations Edward," she said as she planted a kiss on my neck. With her free hand, she ran her fingertips from the back of my neck to the slowly.

I grinned, then I turned to look at her face. She had her eyes closed for a second there I saw her face looked torn and sad but then when she opened her eyes two chocolate brown eyes are boring into my eyes. Pupils dilated as if she was numb all over her body. The same look on her face when I told her I didn't want her anymore.

I blinked. I must be seeing things. Bella doesn't have her beautiful chocolate brown eyes anymore! That's impossible.

"Edward? Are you alright?" Bella asked as she took my face with both her hands. Her golden eyes filled with worry.

I shook my head, "I'm great… I'm just happy that I'm with you." I whispered as I leaned my forehead to hers.

She smiled, "Yeah… I am too." she leaned in closer and kissed me softly. She again leaned her head on my shoulders.

That was guilt that gave me that hallucination. What am I going to do? Do I tell Bella, or should I wait till she remembers. Yeah Alice is right I am going to be an idiot if I'm going to wait till Bella remembers. If I am going to tell Bella before she remembers I might be able to explain myself. That I trully love her and that was a very horrible kind of blasphemy with what I did to her.

Bella started humming her lullaby when I pulled her closer to me. I should just think happy thoughts. I am happy, the fact that she is in my arms right now. That she still loves me as much as I love her. Oh Bella, if only you know how much… it's just too big for my heart to contain. Bella is my heart, and I am glad that I am making her happy right now too.

* * *

a/n: alright… this took like forever, this chapter was hard to write! Please no flames if this feels repetitive. So basically yeah. Please review… thanks for reading. Whatcha think?


	14. Chapter 13: Eternal Bliss

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. Thanks for the reviews guys and for reading this story... it means soo much to have almost 11k hits! Please recommend to other readers if you like it please…  And what do you think of twilight the movie… I have a poll on my profile check it out.

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen**

**...Eternal Bliss...**

A week had a past and everyone in the science department can only talk about the fact that Professor Smith was being sued by the school for going out with one of the students. It's all over the local news because the freshman also sued the school because the school had no right to butt into her life.

Even my friends who aren't really into gossips are also talking about it, maybe it's the fact that they finally knew the reason why Professor Smith left the school or more likely got fired.

I didn't really want to talk about the professor anymore. So I pretended to sleep on Edward's lap. Edward was joining the conversation with our friends, in much lower voice to basically make sure I wouldn't _wake up._

Obviously, everyone except Alice, Jasper and Edward knows that I'm not really asleep. So our friends avoided unnecessary loud noises.

I was just listening to them, but I was just too distracted. My entire body is just sending electric signals to my brain every time Edward's fingertips would touch my skin, or when he'd brush my hair away from my face, or even lean in to kiss my head. Those simple touches just drove me crazy. The feeling was tingly—electric—it jolted through my bones, down my spine and trembled in my stomach. This also made it hard to pretend that I'm sleeping, because I had to fight the urge to giggle.

I wondered how I ever fell asleep in Edward's arms when I was human. I'm sure my heart would have jumped out of my chest, or I even had to remind myself to breath every few seconds, all that thinking would prevent me from sleeping. And that's when I realized why Edward composed a lullaby for me. So I would be able to fall asleep when he sings me to sleep. But it's not the lullaby that would put me to sleep; it was his angelic voice echoing in my ears.

He ran his hands on my cheeks, and I shivered a bit. I couldn't take it anymore. So I opened my eyes. My eyes landed on Alice's smug smile. She obviously knows when I'd _wake up_. I just recently remembered that Alice had a talent of precognition. I didn't really remember, I more like discovered. She had been planning stuff and she always had this smile on her face since she knows that it's going to really happen.

"Hello, Sleepy head." Edward teased; he planted a soft kiss on the tip of my nose when I sat up. "How was your sleep?"

I glowered at him, Of course he knows that I didn't sleep, why is he teasing me? "I've had better," I stretched making sure I'd push his face away playfully.

Luke snickered, "Who would be able to," he muttered loud enough for me to hear. He raised his eyebrows playfully and gestured his head towards Edward's direction.

I narrowed my eyes and was about to yell at Luke for teasing me, but Freya stood up in between me and him. She had a mischievous smile on her face. This is a look that I know so well, I eyed her carefully waiting for the bomb to drop.

"Alright Boys—out." Freya ordered as she pointed to the door of Marie's apartment.

I noticed Edward was about to stand, I pulled him down back to the couch and I give him a warning look. He just smiled at me.

Freya smirked, "Come on." She whined, "You've hung out with Edward for a good week, alone. Can't we borrow you?" she insisted

I rolled me eyes, "Edward is not leaving until I know what you three stooges are planning." I narrowed my eyes and I pointed to her, Marie and Mark's twin sister, Maureen. Maureen was one of my close friends in high school too before Mark and Freya started going out. She goes to Harvard University. She visits me, Freya and Mark once in a while. And when Maureen visits something crazy usually happens especially when Maureen brings guests.

Marie pursed her lips together, "That might take all the fun," and then she turned to look at Alice, smiling brightly, "You're not going anywhere, your staying." She said as sort of an invitation to what ever they are planning.

Alice smiled, "Alright," she tried not to sound smug; she probably knows what the girls are planning to do. I'll get the information from her.

Chris stood up, with a wary look on his face. "When girls say _fun_ I usually leave. And trust me I have four sisters." He emphasized the word four. He looked at Mark who stood up with him agreeing.

To this Luke also stood up too, "Well, there is this pool hall that I've wanted to check out. Since there are eight of us, we can go check it out." He looked at Jasper and Maureen's boyfriend, Jason.

I smiled at Luke, even though Edward was the reason why he and I never really got back together. He still treated Edward as one of his friend. And I owed him for that. I'm glad that he is a really good person, and a good friend to both me and Edward.

Jasper looked at Alice, as if wanting to know if it was safe for him to do that. When Alice slightly nodded her head, Jasper looked at Luke. "Yeah I think that would be alright." He said. He gave Alice a quick peck on the lips and walked to the door with Chris.

Edward turned to look at me; he ran his finger on the bridge of my nose. He pulled me closer to me and planted a kiss on my forehead.

"You're not going to tell me are you?" I mumbled under my breath.

I felt Edward's lip form a smile on my forehead, "It's not that bad." He said, "You're going to have fun." He added that much too quickly that it had me worried there for a second.

"Come on Cullen! I'm going to kick your ass at pool!" Andrew declared as he pulled Edward's hood on his shirt towards him.

I just grinned, Andrew and his competitiveness. He lost to Edward on just one game of hockey and now he's determined to beat Edward with any game possible.

"Bye boys," Maureen waved at them, when Mark rested his arm on Jason's shoulder after closing the door behind them.

I was eyeing Freya who was completely ignoring me.

"You're not going to tell me what those three are planning," I said when Alice sat beside me. Of course I already know what answer she's going to give me.

She giggled, "Tell you what?" she said innocently. She turned to my direction and blinked.

I narrowed my eyes at her; I turned away and crossed my arms on my chest. "Fine." I rolled my eyes

Fifteen later, pizza had arrived. I had to admit this was planned very well that I wouldn't know what they are planning to do. But then it hit me, I realized that they are planning to do.

Maureen and I did this to Freya on our senior year when she started going out with Mark. We called this _Love Intervention_. Basically, it's just a sleep over and being curious about her relationship with her new boyfriend.

I was just laughing to both Maureen and Freya singing some weird song about pizza that they just randomly made up. Here comes a can of insanity!

I do know what they are talking though; pizza is delicious—or was. But now eating it… is just the most disgusting thing ever. It even tastes worst than that time I _actually_ ate dirt when I was human, why I ate dirt I don't know. But that's the memory that came to me when I had to keep up my human pretenses and have to eat human food.

For the past hour, the girls and I jump from one topic to another, till all of a sudden—I don't even know how we got to _that_ subject. This subject should be illegal to talk about, something taboo.

Intimacy between a man and a woman.

_Sex._

"Yeah and it was—"

I tried my best to block any words that enter my ears. But of course with my sensitive ears I can't do that. And I tried blocking them out by thinking about Edward. But that made it even worse, more awkward. So, I continued eating pizza. I was already on my third slice. And all my concentration is to control myself from not gagging or cringing at the horrible taste that I'm shoving into my mouth and having it settling in my stomach.

Alice was eying me, "You're trying to distract yourself are you?" she mouthed.

I was about to nod when I noticed that I wasn't the only one finding this topic awkward. Maureen's friend was looking at her half eaten pizza and would flinch at the certain vivid words that Maureen would use.

I threw a piece of crust at Maureen. She looked at the crust and then she glared at me, "What?" she demanded.

"Poor Leah here is about to gag with your elaborate use of words there." I said calmly as I smiled at Leah, who looked down blushing.

Maureen frowned, "So? Like you haven't done anything I have said to Luke." She laughed a high pitch annoying laugh.

Freya laughed when I glowered at Maureen. I noticed Alice trying to look away even though I know she's actually have her full attention on me, "Well, either way it is none of your business." I snapped at her.

Freya snickered, "Well, she's still waiting for the right guy," she teased as she playfully pushed me with her shoulder.

I widen my eyes in shock, my mouth fell a bit. "I told you that in strict confidentiality." I hissed at Freya.

"Well apparently, she didn't understand that." Marie said as she looked at Freya and threw a crust at her too, but Freya neatly dodged it.

"Aww, you're a hopeless romantic aren't you?" Maureen teased. She pouted her bottom lip a bit trying to look like a kid.

I shrugged. "Not really hopeless, I mean why do the act of love when you aren't _in_ love."

Leah was looking at me with deep admiration in her eyes, like she was impressed that I was waiting for love. Or more like, she looked as if she was glad someone also believed the same thing she does.

Marie smiled, "That's true," she agreed. "That is why David and I haven't yet. I just don't want to mess it up."

Freya widens her eyes, "That's not what you told me," she looked at Marie with a stunned look on her face.

Marie frowned at Freya, "I told you nothing." She defended herself in a bit harsh tone.

Freya's mouth formed a slight letter "O" and she looked down blushing.

Marie pouted a bit as if she felt bad trying to sound harsh, she leaned her head on Freya's shoulder, "It's not like I haven't had sex before." she said in a as a matter of fact. "But I realized that I shouldn't rush into things. I mean look at me and David. Even though, we never really got intimate I still fought to be with him. I'm not saying I will never get intimate with him, but I'd rather wait. Wait for the perfect moment, and we have time to work on it too."

And that pretty much ended _that_ conversation and maybe because Alice changed the topic by talking about some malls in Boston.

Leah was too eager to join in the conversation. She was just too happy to start a whole new conversation.

The entire conversations are just on the low side. By that I mean, we are talking about fashion, school, Maureen's boyfriend and then me and Edward.

But only Freya, Leah and Alice are the only ones awake when Freya asked me about Edward and I. Marie and Maureen had already fallen asleep since it is already midnight.

I was lying on a comforter on the floor. "Edward and I are great. It's like…" I paused, how I can tell her about Edward and I without revealing my true age. I sat up and smile from ear to ear. I felt excited when I finally know how rephrase my thoughts.

Freya's eyes lit up too, but her body language shows that she is doing her best fighting sleep. But she is really eager to know about Edward and I that helps her stay up.

"Being with Edward, is the happiest I have ever been. I mean even though we only have been together for a week, it seems stronger." I smiled, "The only way that I'd explain it is this. Before Edward, *my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there are star—points of light and reason. But when Edward entered my life, he shot across my sky like a meteor, suddenly everything was on fire. There was light and beauty."

And then I sighed when I thought about the past decade being without him, "And if Edward would disappear from my life. It would be like the meteor had fallen into the horizon, everything is going to be black. Even though nothing had changed, my eyes would be blinded by the light. I wouldn't be able to see the stars." The way I said that sent shivers down my spine, and if Freya didn't fall asleep she'd probably notice the sadness in my voice.

"And I don't want to be blind anymore," I muttered to myself, but I was foolish enough to forget that Alice is here with me. So she heard every word.

Alice and I were just staring at each other for a few seconds until Freya started to snore. We looked at Freya, smiling.

"So what are the boys doing?" I asked trying to break the silence between us.

She had a grin on her face, "Playing video games, Jasper won 2 rounds of pool so he had to treat the guys out for dinner. So now, he's not trying to over do things to win." She giggled. "Jasper called me," she answered the confused look on my face.

I raised an eyebrow. I never saw Alice leave the room so I'm sure she hasn't talked to Jasper yet. "You saw Jasper call you?" I asked.

She grinned, "Jasper didn't need to actually call me. Because when he decided to call me he already told me everything." She rolled her eyes, "Just as Edward is going to be here in two minutes." She gestured at the balcony.

My eyebrows met in confusion, _he's coming?_ I tried to hide my excitement. But Alice noticed its because she giggled.

"He's trying to be all indecisive about it, but he pretty much messed up. Ten minutes ago." She laughed again. She turned to look at our friends, "Nothing is going to happen yet, though Maureen is going to wake up in three hours with weird cravings."

I laughed at this, "Yeah, she's going to snoop in the fridge for some cheese."

She nodded, then she turned to look at me. "Go outside. Besides I need to call Jasper too." she said as she took her phone from her pocket.

I slowly stood up even though every inch of my system wasn't to dash towards him and meet him halfway.

When I went out to the balcony, a cold chill entered the living room that I had to immediately close the door because the girls stirred in their sleep. It is a very cold night that it made it seem like its going to snow tomorrow.

I lifted my head to look at the stars. They are shinning more brightly today than the past few days, since the sky is clear of the clouds. And the full moon is shinning its light on me. The brightness of it makes it seem like I'm under a spotlight.

A warm set of arms wrapped around my waist. Then he kissed my shoulder when he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"Did you enjoy yourself," Edward whispered on my ear. He pulled me closer to him and he softly planted a kiss on my cheek.

I turned around to face him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, stood on my toes and kissed him softly on his lips. "On some parts," I whispered against his lips.

He suddenly turns his head to the side as if someone called his name inside the apartment. Then he smiled his beautiful crooked smile.

I widen my eyes in shock, I bit my lip. Alice is talking to Edward. Is she telling him about what I just said about my love for him? I mean, I know he loves me, and he knows I love him. But we haven't really told each other yet. We say deeper words than that. But not the exact words _I love you._

Then he looked at me, he looked happy but his eyes looked sad for a second but then it disappeared in that same second. "Moonless night, huh?" he said softly, he kissed my forehead.

I ducked down and hid my face on his chest, "Did Alice…?"

He shook his head, "Alice is telling me to leave actually," he smirked. "That girl, Leah is in love with you." He teased.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, I pulled away from him and looked into his smug face. "What?"

"Let me rephrase that, the girl is _in love _with your concept of love."

I raise an eyebrow and I tilted my head a bit to look into the living room through the window. Leah is stirring in her sleep, she seemed like she's talking in her sleep. Then I looked back at Edward and I rolled my eyes at him, "You're not listening into the girl's dream, right?"

"I can't help it, she's having interesting dreams…" he said and he winked at me.

I frowned at him, I'm trying to fight a smile, "That's not nice—"

He pressed his lips against mine, this caught me by surprise a bit because he usually sends out signals that he's about to kiss me. He would either close his eyes and lean in slowly towards me, brushing my hair off my face or something romantic like that. He doesn't do anything like this out of impulse.

The kiss started slow, but as soon I kissed him back the kiss became intense and deep. I pulled him closer to me that my body curved to shape his; my hannd started playing with his disheveled hair and had my other hand rest on his neck. His hands were busy trying to keep my hair off our faces; he just kept his hands on my face as if he was memorizing every inch of my face. I opened my mouth slightly to allow our tongues to touch. He gently touched my tongue with his.

When we pulled apart from each other, we had to try to catch our breaths. Even though we don't really require oxygen to breath, we felt that it was necessary after the kiss.

That kiss was very different, I was hopping if Edward and I would kiss—memories would start coming back to me. But that kiss was something that I've never experienced before—with Edward. I seemed to recall his kisses as romantic and careful. _That _kiss was passionate and deep.

I narrowed my eyes, "You've been holding out on me," I grumbled. I stood up my toes so I could lean my forehead on his, I tried to look strict.

He laughed, "It was necessary at that time, Bella." He kissed the tip of my nose.

Our eyes were just locked into an intense gaze, His smile formed into the favorite crooked smile of his. We slowly started to sway to someone's music three doors down. I rested my head on his chest, I took a deep breath. The intake of his beautiful scent is just so hypnotizing to me, even for a vampire.

"Bella?" he breathed my name.

"Hmm?" I lifted my head from his chest.

"I love you,"

I smiled at him; I swore if I was human tears would be flowing down from my eyes. If it was possible my heart started beating again.

"I love you more than anything in the world." He added with much more intensity in his voice. He took my face with his hands; he rested his forehead on mine again.

"I love you too," I replied before his lips touched mine.

I realized something. As long as I'm in Edward's arms, getting lost in his kisses and surrounded by his love are the only things that I want right now. And will ever want from now on.

My love for him was the only thing that I held on to when I lost my memory. Even though I had no idea whose love it was for, it was there keeping me sane enough to keep going on with my life.

And now? I'm the happiest I've ever been. I don't care if in not going to remember any of my human memories before they fade away. As long as I'm with Edward, that all that matters.

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a/n:  
Alright.... what do you guys think? reviews are quite appreciated...

legend*

~that line is from new moon in the chapter The Truth. I just tweaked it a bit to bella's point of view. Alright.

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	15. Chapter 14: My Truth

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. Please don't forget to review. Thanks.

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**Chapter Fourteen**

…**My Truth…**

A week before thanksgiving break is the first month of Edward and I being together _officially_. Though how silly it might sound, we are celebrating it like normal humans would. We looked up on the internet if there was anything interesting happening tonight. And of course we were both lucky enough that there was supposed to be a meteor shower tonight.

So we decided to look at the beautiful miracle tonight. Hoping that it would actually happen, the reports had said that only a few places would be able to see the meteor shower, since they aren't really sure what time it would start.

We have been outside for over two hours now, and I don't think the meteor shower has even started yet. But I don't think Edward and I really cared for it as much. By that I mean we were both busy… to even look up at the sky.

"Bella?"

"Hmm…" I breathed. I pulled him closer to me and made my body curve to shape his. I was trying to distract him. I know what he's planning to say. He's been trying to say it for the past five minutes now.

And my plan had worked yet again. He hasn't said anything; the only sounds that were made were the broken rhythm of our ragged breathing and the whisper of our lips moving in synchronization.

"Bella, we have to go." He said against my lips. Though he's telling me that's he's wanting to leave, the way he's holding me shows otherwise.

I had the same response, I ran my hands into his smooth hair and again pulled him to me to kiss him deeper. "Do we really have to?" I whispered seductively.

"Freya was thinking of calling you at nine telling you to go home," he grinned, "She hasn't seen you study for our exam on Friday… of course she doesn't know that we have photographic memory. But if we need to keep up with our human pretenses then she has to see you." He whispered in my ear.

I just rolled my eyes, My best friend is always the strict kind. She always thinks that I never study enough and yet she never get shocked that I get a really good grade. I raised an eyebrow at him ignoring what he just said. I ran my hands in his shirt and I felt his bare back underneath his shirt. I felt him quiver a bit and groan softly. He leaned towards me to kiss me.

His kisses are just so hot that I didn't even know what I was doing until I threw his shirt on the ground. I didn't look at his face for a few seconds; my eyes were busy admiring his glorious body. The perfect planes on his stomach and his chest, I let my hands run on his silky chest and I traced the flat planes of his stomach. A soft moan escaped his lips before he took my neck softly to get my lips locked with his again.

I slowly lifted up my shirt, guiding him to take my shirt off too. He hesitated a bit when he touched my bare stomach.

He pulled away and he looked deep into my eyes. I noticed that his eyes had darkened, as mine did. He wanted me as much I wanted him. "Bella, are you sure you want to do this?" his voice was rough yet it was still angelic, his voice made it sound dangerously seductive. "Or do you just want to do this because society is saying you should?" he said with a grin on his face.

I raised my eyebrow at him, annoyed. Is he trying to say that its peer pressure? I mean sure, Maureen calls me every single day now asking… and may I use the vulgar language she uses, _"If I got any." _Alright, it's not vulgar but her asking me personal questions is vulgar to me.

He cupped my face with his hand; he had a soft smile on his lips. But when I saw his eyes they started turning into a light color again, and I knew that he's going to say some sweet thing that would make me forget about this different _thing _that I'm feeling for him.

"Bella, I don't want to rush into things…" he kissed me softly on my forehead, "I waited for you for over a century. So waiting for days, a weeks or years I wouldn't mind at all." He said in a low voice in my ear. His breath blew on my ear lobes sent those crazy signals on my brain again.

I kissed the lump on his throat and whispered against it, "I wouldn't mind either…" but then when I accidentally glanced at my watch it was already a quarter till nine. I rolled my eyes, if I did want to do this… I don't want to just have fifteen minutes since I know if Freya said she would call at nine. She is would call until I get home.

He probably understood my hesitation because before I knew it I was already on my feet and he already had his shirt back on. I frowned at him, "At least keep the shirt off," I wrapped my arms on his neck and kissed him softly on his lips.

He chuckled, "That's Maureen talking right there." He playfully poked the tip of my nose.

I glowered at him. I decided to turn around and walk away from him but he securely wrapped his arm around me. The only way I'd escape is if I rip his arms off his shoulders. I sighed in defeat as he rested his chin on my shoulder. "Please let me take you home at least," he kissed my neck.

It only took about five minutes for Edward to drive me home, even though with the normal speed limit to drive from his house to my apartment is usually fifteen minutes. And since him and I have a need for speed we got there in a short time. I envy his mind reading because he'd know when a cop car would be hiding waiting to pull over drunken college kids.

"Well, here we are." He said softly as we stopped on my door. He took my arms and rested it on his shoulders.

"Yes, here we are…" I stepped forward to close the gap between us. He wrapped his arms around my waist.

He looked like he was going to say something but then we heard footsteps from the other side of the door. Freya tried to be all smooth and really quiet as she pressed her ear on the door to try to eavesdrop.

He had a huge smile on his face as his eyes were facing at the door for a second before he looked at me again. His golden eyes were boring into mine. "I guess you need to go and study."

I raised an eyebrow at him, but I just nodded. "Yeah, and you have to also." I said in a playful tone.

"I know. Studying is the most important thing in school." He had a playful grin plastered into his face.

I tried hard not to laugh when I heard Freya gasp from the other side of the door. Of course Edward was listening in her thoughts. And what he had said is what Freya always says about school when I don't want to study. "That's what they say." I whispered, I bit my bottom lip to fight a smile. "But I need to go, because Freya is going to call me in like five minutes telling me to come home." I had a grin on my face.

"Oh shoot!" Freya gasped as she again slowly tiptoed back to the couch where she had been sitting peacefully before Edward and I arrived by my door.

He and I shared a short laugh before he planted another kiss on my forehead, "I'll see you tomorrow alright."

My eyebrows met together, I was taken a back with that statement. I mean he and I always see each other every day. And we didn't need to remind each other that we would see each other. I felt dumbfounded and I just said, "What?"

He laughed, "I mean, I have something to show you tomorrow."

"Alright, good night." I smiled and then I gave him a wink when he replied the same thing.

I opened the door and Freya started laughing at the television even though nothing about it was funny. I raised my eyebrow at her as she started blushing. "Hello roomie," I said nonchalantly not asking her what was funny since she was watching _PS I love you_.

She turned off the television and took the huge book from beside her. She rested it in front of me, "So, did you have fun?" she asked softly but she was wagging her eyebrows at me. A gesture that means, _read between the lines._

I raised my eyebrow at her, "You're seriously asking me that?" I scoffed.

She shrugged as she sat across me, "Maureen called me again, and you know what she says… When there is news it's always good news." She laughed a high pitched laugh trying to mock Maureen's evil gossip girl laugh.

I rolled my eyes at her, "You always change when you're around her." When she talks to Maureen, Freya becomes this typical teenager who likes to gossip a lot. And for smart people, they sound weird trying to use big words to sound so comical and intellectual.

She laughed, "Well, at least with our crazy school schedule we can have time to make fun of you."

I glowered at her but she looked down giggling, but I'm sure she knows that I look annoyed enough to drop the topic. I finally gave up glaring at her because I know she wouldn't look up. So I stood up and took my markers and my notebook for our Biology II. I started to compare my notes with my textbook. Professor Nungear (yep, that's his last name.) has this itch of combining his tests with his lecture and the textbook. So I'd understand why Freya wanted to make sure I'd read the lecture notes and text.

But of course I don't need to study. I remember everything he had said in the lecture that would cover the exams. And I read the textbook once a month ago so I definitely remember everything in this book. I mean as a vampire I always have the advantage of being able to thing about a lot of things at the same time. Sometimes I still get shocked by how fast my brain works.

Then I started to use my marker just to show Freya that I'm studying and not to worry her. But behind my pretense my brain was thinking about something else. I know I told myself that I don't care about my human memories as much, but I can't help be curious on why Edward and I got separated. With this much love I have for him, I don't even think I could live without him.

I remembered little about my maker. I was in a beautiful meadow, it was the meadow where Edward had declared his for loved me… and he had said _And so the lion fell in love with the lamb_. I was alone in that meadow, I don't know why I was alone. But the emotion that I felt when I was in that meadow was different, like I was glad that it actually existed.

Then I remembered when I woke up a vampire, that Jacob guy that stayed with me through my change. He said he loved me…

Wait a minute! Jacob, if he had loved me that much… does that mean, when he found me laying there changing, he took me away from Edward because he knew that if I was a vampire like Edward, he wouldn't have a chance with me and that I would be with Edward forever? Maybe he thought that if he can't have me then Edward can't have me too.

That thought made me angry and sad at the same time. This past decade I thought of that boy as my hero, for staying with me so I wouldn't feel alone even though I was alone for 2 years. But now, I felt betrayed. I wanted to go to Forks find that boy and to ask him why he did that to me.

"Bella!" Freya hissed, she brought me back from my day dreaming. "What are you doing?" she eyed me curiously.

"What—." Then I knew what she was talking about, I was too distracted that I didn't even know what I was doing. I had colored in all the words in this page—talk about an exaggeration. "Opps, I guess I can't return this book now," I smiled.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes." You think." Then she looked at me seriously as she took the marker from my hand, "Now study seriously and stop day dreaming about Edward." She narrowed her eyes at me and then handed me my marker back.

I smiled at her, maybe she was right. I should just try to clear my mind and not think about that Jacob kid anymore. I'll just concentrate since I can think about it when she's going to bed since I really can't sleep anymore.

The next morning felt different. For one thing, Edward wasn't in school today. Sure it was very sunny out that I actually made an excuse to let Freya go on ahead and that I'll catch up to her in class since I _forgot _to print out my speech for our class. I had to hide and run to school, but I didn't expect Edward to skip school. I mean sure, he lives farther away from school than me so it would be a bit weird to run.

So when Edward drove to my house to pick me up I have gave him a weird disapproving look for skipping school today. I tried to stay mad but when he wrapped me in his arms all of that anger went away and I couldn't help but just smile.

"Where were you today…" I said softly and pouted my lip a bit.

He poked my face to turn that frown into a smile. "Give me as smile. I didn't see you today so I missed your smile." He kissed my forehead when I finally smiled for him.

"Not my fault that you skipped class today." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm sorry. But my brother at an impulse kidnapped me today. Emmett couldn't go to school because it was too sunny in Cambridge today, so he drove down to me then we also kidnapped Jasper I guess." Then he laughed, "Though it wasn't much a kidnapping because Alice told him we were coming."

This made me smile too. I guess it's not so bad. Edward hasn't seen Emmett since the semester has started; so a little man bonding would let him off the hook, this time.

I ran my hand on his hair and messed up his hair playfully, "Well next time call." I frowned again.

He laughed his beautiful musical laugh, "Tell that to my kidnappers."

I bit my bottom lip to try not to laugh with him. I just rolled my eyes instead, "So, where are we going?" I asked as I noticed that he is dressed up a bit sharply for someone who just went hunting with his siblings. I mean he always dresses up sharply, but today he looked so attractive.

For a second there I thought I saw an emotion run in his face but then it disappeared before I could name the emotion. "Well, I wanted to show you something." he whispered in my ear. He smiled my favorite crooked smile of his and then he opened the passenger door for me.

I looked at his smile and then the passenger seat. I raised an eyebrow at him, "Don't spoil me too much," then I entered the car.

He grinned, "I don't mind spoiling you." He closed the door and then the next second he was already beside me. He took my hand and kissed it, "You better get used to it." He said it softly that if I didn't read his lips I would understand what he said.

We didn't say anything the entire ride to this place that he wanted to show me. And I was getting anxious because we were getting farther away from Binghamton every minute now since we just passed the marker line of the small college town. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I finally said something. "Where are you taking me?" I tried to sound calm but I seemed to sound harsh and wary.

He laughed and he tightened the grip on my hand. "You'll see…" he sounded smug but his beautiful crooked smile was there.

I just shrugged the wary off my shoulders and I suddenly felt excited. I wanted to get there as fast as possible and to see what he found so beautiful.

It was another five minutes until I slowly started to see what he thought was so beautiful, we were driving on a hill and I could see the city lights of the college town. I have lived here in Binghamton for about a year now and I didn't know that there could be a sight this beautiful up here. I took a glance at him and he was smiling then I looked back at the lights and was entranced by the beautiful lights the night had produced. "Oh, my." where the only words to that came out of my mouth.

"There is more." he said softly as he pointed at an empty spot a few miles ahead.

I widen my eyes in shock. He was right. There was more and it was magnificent. I couldn't even find words to describe it. I got out of the car as soon as he stopped and I ran through the edge of the mountain. "I could stay here forever." I said softly to myself.

Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck. "And I'd stay with you where ever you are."

I turned around and looked deep into his beautiful golden eyes. His eyes were a color of amber. Of course he hunted today that's why. I probably should hunt sometime too, since I could see that my eyes are of a darker shade of gold.

He sat down on the ground and he raised an eyebrow patting the ground, gesturing me to sit beside him.

I grinned but I just sat across him instead, I still had a good view of the city lights. And that reminded me, "How did you discover this place?"

He smiled, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. "I was running and I came across this place a few weeks ago." his voice was low and sad.

I touched his face and moved closer to him. Why does he sound like that. I mean this place is beautiful. I took a deep breath and I realized something. This place is too quiet… I couldn't even hear any noises other than some crickets and owls. A place where a mind reader like him would have a good place to have for thinking. "What did you have to think about?" I asked him softly wondering if it was any of my business to ask.

He took a deep breath, his ancient eyes are full of sadness. "I wanted to tell you something,"

I looked at him and I could feel my face contort with confusion. I do not understand why he seems sad. Like something is truly bothering him, and I don't even know what is wrong… is it me?

I leaned in to kiss him softly on his lips, "You can tell me anything." I said. _Even if it is about me._ I wanted to say but I didn't want him to think that I was paranoid even if it was true.

He smiled his crooked smile this time and the sadness in his eyes disappeared. But I know it's just a mask, a mask to hide his true feelings. "But before that, I want to remind you something." He grabbed my neck fiercely and caught my lips with his in a very conflicted yet familiar kiss. His lips became more urgent as he tangled his hands into my hair pulling me closer to him.

Familiar kiss in a way by not his usual kisses. This kiss has a certain edge that made my brain react differently. This time I had the urge to break away from this kiss since it made me anxious and for some reason alone. I just ignored that feeling and I kissed him back in the same urgency he had given me.

_It will be as if I'd never existed. _A voice echoed in my head. I pulled away from Edward harshly than I imagined. He looked stunned and started to say something probably asking me if I was alright. But I didn't hear what he had said. I could hear voices in my head… two voices actually. The girl's voice was mine when I was human… and then to my shock a strong velvet familiar voice--Edward's.

I could see the Edward in front of me trying to snap me out of whatever is going with me. But I know what is going on… my hidden memories that my brain had protected from me for the past decade had slipped. And finally the faceless boy in my memory had finally been unmasked…

_"Alright, let's talk." I said. I sounded brave than I felt._

_Edward took a deep breath, "Bella we are leaving."_

_"Alright, I'll come with you." I said calmly, though my knees started to shake and I felt any moment now I would fall on my knees. _

_He just looked at me. For what seemed like an eternity, he spoke the words that made my heart drop to the ground making and made my stomach twist. "Bella, I don't want you to come with me, "_

_I looked at him through my blurry vision as tears started to sit there waiting to fall, "You… don't… want me?" I tried out the words confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order._

_"No."_

_"Don't, don't do this…" My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling through my veins like acid._

_"You're not good for me, Bella." _

_I had no argument there. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him. And then my whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything from the neck down. _

_"I want you to do one favor, though, if that's not too much." he said_

_I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he'd compose his features into the same serene mask._

_"Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger._

_"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered no longer detached. When I nodded helplessly he continued in the same cold voice, "And I'll make you a promise in return." he took a deep breath, "I promise that this will be the last time you would see me. It will be as if I never existed"_

_I tried to reach out to him, but he moved too quickly away from me. It was like I was just grabbing the air he was breathing._

_"Good bye, Bella." he said in the same quiet peaceful voice. He walked this time towards me. He leaned in a pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for an instant._

_"Take care of yourself." he breathed, cool against my skin. _

_He walked away from me, never turning back. I wanted to run after him, but he just ran towards the woods. _

_I just stumbled down trying to follow him. My hands started to bleed when I tried to help myself up, the tree branch pierced into my palm. But the pain didn't bother me. I was too numb to even feel anything. _

Don't go…_ my heart begged for him to come back, my face was already soaked with tears and raindrops that started to fall. That's right; the sky is crying with me, the sky should cry as much as I would. _

_I wanted to cry for his name but I wasn't able to speak. There was a huge lump on my throat that made it hard to speak. I tried to swallow the lump but it was still stuck there._

_I fell again, my face landed on a puddle of water that the rain had made. I just surrendered crying there. I didn't want to move anymore, I was too numb to move. _

_If I die here I do not care anymore… I'm already dead inside. it's all over._

_Love, life, meaning… over._

And then I blinked, hoping that the memory I just gained wasn't true. That's why I was alone all these years… this was the reason why…

I couldn't even think about it… I couldn't even say it. And Jasper had thought that it was his fault why Edward left me. It wasn't Jasper's fault at all… it was mine. It was my fault that I wasn't good enough for him.

"Bella," a stranger's voice that sounded so worried and scared entered my ears. it took me awhile to register whose voice it was. Edward was in front of me. He had his was about to reach to my face but then I backed away from him immediately that it stunned both him and I. I had backed away about a yard away from him. I didn't even realize that I had that kind of speed.

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward stood up and started to walk towards me again.

But this time I raised my hand to tell him to stop as I backed away from him again. I shook my head and I swallowed a mouthful of access venom. I clenched my fist together trying to calm myself down. I was too confused with the emotion I was feeling. I felt angry, betrayed, abandoned and most of all heartbroken. I wanted to ask him something, I wanted to say something… but I couldn't.

_Is this some kind of sick joke Edward?! _I wanted to say to him. I wanted to yell at him, but instead different words escaped my mouth. "I need to go."

His face contorted with confusion, but then he just shrugged. "Alright…" he turned around and grabbed his keys from his pocket.

"No!" I said too quickly, but then when I was composed again I smiled, "I mean, I can run… you can stay here."

He eyed me curiously and he took another step. He waited for me to back away but I didn't. So he sighed, "No, I'll take you home."

I gritted my teeth, "No," I said firmly. "Besides, I was going to meet Freya anyways. Seriously Edward," I said his name as if it was a curse word, I saw him flinch. "You can stay… and don't follow me." I said coldly. Without another word I turned around and ran as fast that my feet could take me.

The wind whiping on my face felt like tears were falling from my eyes. How I wish I could cry… but in this cursed body it would never happen. What I don't understand is that, why would Edward play with me if he doesn't even feel anything for me. Then it hit me… of course. Edward felt responsible that I lost my memory. So, he decided to play along with this stupid love game!

And then when I'd gain all my memory back he'd leave again.

Now that am like him… Am I still not good enough for him that he brought me there tonight to break up with me?

That past month was just a lie… and even though how much I wanted to deny it, he could never love me.

_Maybe you should let him explain._ A soft voice echoed in my head. This was the voice of the human Bella that he hurt.

I scoffed at the voice, he hurt us once. And I don't think he deserves to be given a chance to. Human Bella would have forgiven him, but I wouldn't. I survived ten years without him. I'm sure I would be able to live for eternity without him. Like he said… _Our kind get easily distracted._

I kept on running, but I didn't my feet didn't take me back to Binghamton… I don't think I want to go home yet. He might figure out what had happened and might talk to me. So I took my phone from my pocket and called Freya.

"Hello," She said perkily.

I took a deep breath before answering hopping that my voice wouldn't give anything away. "Hey,"

"What cha doing…" she had that informative voice again… the read between the lines crap.

I didn't talk much I just told her that one of Zypher's cousin's kid just all of sudden called me and asked if she could use my apartment in Buffalo. And then I told her that I was going to spend the night there with her, since I had to show her where I live.

She didn't believe me at first, she asked about Edward. and I calmly explained that he dropped me off the airport with my cousin and that I don't know where he is now. But when she did, she told me that she better see me tomorrow.

When I hung up the phone, I hated the fact that I lied to her. But I didn't want to go home when I'm this upset… she's going to read right though me. Of course she knew something was going on, but she didn't want to push into it.

I don't know when I'll stop running… but I needed some time to think. I didn't want to be rash and face Edward, I was scared with what I was going to say. And lastly I didn't want to hear whatever he had to say.

All I know is that… love, life, meaning…. over.

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a/n:

alright… what do you think? this is the longest chapter I had posted… hehe. Don't forget to review, please.

Reference:

Chapter 1 of this story.

New Moon pgs 68-73.


	16. Chapter 15: Foolishness

Disclaimer:

I do not own twilight. If I do I would be rich and famous, and be blamed for high standards in men! Hehe. I hope you'd like this chapter!! Sorry if I took like forever to update… inspiration just slipped… but here it is! Reviews are always appreciated… (,")

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**Chapter Fifteen**

**Foolishness…**

_Edward Cullen_

"Bella," I said her name softly. She was just sitting there looking right past me, stiff as a statue. If I didn't just kiss her a few seconds ago I would believe that this beautiful creature in front of me was a magnificent statue.

I touched her face softly but no movements still. It felt about an eternity before I saw any slight of movements. And then she blinked, "Bella?" I asked again, worried now. I was about to reach out and touch her face but then she backed away from me that same second that startled both her and I. I always seem to forget at times that Bella isn't human anymore. She is really good with her human pretenses that I wouldn't seem to notice at all at times.

"Bella," I stood up looking deep into her eyes, hoping that I could actually read her mind. "Are you alright?" I started to walk towards her.

She raised her hand gesturing me to stay where I was. She started to back away from me, she took bigger steps this time. She clenched her first and started to breath unnecessarily fast. Her emotions playing in her face confused me. When she was human I could read right through her expressions, but now that she's a vampire she's really good at hiding her emotions that I couldn't read her easily. Right now though, she's like an open book. I can see that she looks angry, betrayed and yet this confused me… heartbroken?

"I need to go," she blurted out.

I just stared at her blankly; I could feel my eyebrows meeting together. I just shrugged. I turned around to walk towards my car taking my car keys, "Alright…" I mumbled.

"No!" she said too quickly. I turned around to look at her expression, she smiled. "I mean, I can run. Stay here." She said sweetly.

I raised an eyebrow, totally confused now. I took another cautious step forward; I waited for her to back away form me again. But when she didn't, I sighed in relief. "Bella, I'll take you home."

She clenched her teeth together trying to make it look like a smile, "No," she said again, firmly this time. "Besides I was going to meet Freya anyways." She sighed. "Seriously Edward," She said my name like it was a curse word. I flinched.

"You can stay… and don't follow me…" and with those last words she ran as fast as she could away from me.

I wanted to run after her but my feet wouldn't let me. I was glued to the ground, stunned. Why did she run like that from me? What did I do?

_I… _

Then it hit me. Did she just remember _everything?_

My knees buckled and I fell on the ground. I took my phone and dialed the first number that came in mind.

"Hey, this is Bella. Leave a message."

Immediate voicemail, she shut her phone off. I dialed in Freya's number.

"Hello?" Freya said cheerfully.

"Hey Freya," I said in my perfect happy voice of my sister, Alice.

"Hey Alice, what is up?"

"I was just curious if Edward and Bella are there because I tried to call Edward and he won't answer his phone. Bella's immediately went to voice mail. I kind of need to talk to Edward."

"Well," Freya started, "Bella and Edward left the apartment about an hour ago. But I doubt they are together now." She seemed distracted, but then when she realized what she had said she cleared her throat. "By that I meant Bella is driving to Buffalo with a family friend right now. Edward dropped off Bella in the airport to meet up with her cousin."

That's a lie. Bella just ran away from me a few minutes ago. Of course that would make sense that Bella would lie, Freya could always see right through her. She doesn't want to talk about what had happened so I'm sure she'd rather make up a lie so she doesn't have to go home and face her best friend.

"Oh, well then…I'll just try to call Edward again in a few minutes." I mumbled coherently even though my fast brain was thinking of a billion things right now. "I'll call you later…" I was about to hang up the phone when I heard Freya call my sister's name again.

"Yeah Freya?"

"I have a question…" she hesitated, "Edward didn't ask you to call me right?" she asked tentatively.

Her question totally caught me off guard, _Whoa, even on the phone she can detect that something was wrong with Bella._, "Um, no. Why?"

She laughed nervously and then cleared her throat again. "It's nothing I'm just paranoid I guess. I'll see you after break!" she said excitedly and then she hangs up. Leaving me alone to mope about what I had done… _What have I done now?_

The next morning Bella didn't show up for our first hour. In Biology II class we were paired up to be able to work on our Lab report and criticize our work. Since Bella isn't here Freya paired up with me, she was dropping subtle hints wanting to know if I know where Bella was. She had a feeling that Bella and I had a fight; she wanted to know if this was true.

Of course I didn't need to talk to Bella to know where she was… Freya was doing that for me since she got a call from Bella saying that she was driving from Buffalo and would be back in by lunch time to take the review for our Anatomy Lab practical exam tomorrow.

And still after answering Freya's questions smoothly she's still convinced that she's right that when she would get a call from Bella she would ask me if Bella had called me. I was so annoyed that I snapped at her telling her that if she wanted to know where Bella was she should ask Bella herself.

That was the proof to Marie that there was something wrong between Bella and I that on my next class with Marie and Freya. Marie made sure that she would sit between Freya and me.

When it was time for our Anatomy Lab class, I saw Bella talking to one of the girls on the other table reviewing stuff with them a little. I walked past them and greeted them briefly, and then I looked at Bella who was trying to ignore me.

"Hey Bella," I said quietly.

Bella didn't even look at me, she was still looking at the book "Edward," she said my name firmly as if she was forced to say my name.

The girl she was talking was glancing between me and Bella trying to figure out if there was a fight shared between me and Bella and then she shook her head telling herself that it wasn't any of her business. The other two girls were just clueless with the cold greeting that Bella had given me.

And without another word I walked back to our table sitting beside Marie, who just smiled at me sympathetically. She wanted to say it would be alright, but she didn't want to butt in anyone's business.

When the class was about to start that was when Bella finally sat on our table and she sat across me since Freya took the seat beside me.

And most of the entire class, Bella refused to look at me. I tried my best to have her meet my eyes, but when she would talk to me so I can hand her in random materials she would keep her nose on her book.

This was the proof that Freya wanted to know if Bella and I aren't in good terms right now. So she vowed to herself that she will try to help fixing Bella and me. So, she kept making up excuses trying to get me and Bella alone… she would take Marie with her when random students would come up to us to ask about some test materials.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore, I looked at her and whispered, "Please Bella look at me." I begged. I could hear the tears in my voice. I wasn't sure if she heard me, but when I saw her stiffen I knew she heard me. "Please…" I begged again.

A few seconds later, slowly she lifted her head from the book and looked at me. Her face broke my undead heart into a million pieces that I swore I could hear them breaking right now. The way she looked at me was the exact way I wanted her to look at me, when I first laid my eyes at her on this class about two months ago. Her face just told me everything she was feeling, she was furious, confused and what broke my heart the most was she felt betrayed. And within that same second those emotion got washed away and just plain annoyance just played on her face.

We were staring at each other for the next few minutes until Michelle sat on our table laughing; "I can never win on staring contests…" she then looked at Bella who just laughed with her. Michelle started telling Bella about random stuff about her date last night.

After that, I never made efforts looking at Bella. I was too angry at myself to even pay attention to everything. How lucky am I? She remembers everything about what had really happened between us when I was about to tell her _everything _myself.

When the class was finished I was ready to leave without another word, but then Freya said something to me that I didn't really pay attention to. It took me a few seconds to realize that she was inviting me for the study groups with David, Marie, Michelle, her and Bella.

"No thanks." I said quietly and then I left the room without hesitating. I think I even ignored David who tried to say hi to me. I was just so out of it that I didn't realize it until someone else mentioned to her friends that I was being cold to my friends.

The next few minutes I arrived at my apartment and I just threw myself on my couch. I laid there staring at the ceiling. I was even afraid to blink because I would see Bella's heart broken face when I told her the lie that broke my life apart.

A few hours later I was still laying on that couch and started to think about right and wrong again. I just got a text message from Alice saying that I would do the right thing… What is the _right_ thing in this situation anyways. Either way, I still end up hurting her..

My life revolves around Bella. It always has and always will be. The right thing to do is just to walk away—to leave Bella alone and just have her free of me _forever._ The wrong thing to do would to be keep pushing and beg her to take me back, even though she clearly doesn't want me.

Normally I would do the right thing. But, I am on this mess in the first place for doing the right thing—to leave her and give her a normal human life, which she never had because she is now one of us.

I always do the right thing! And never what_ I_ want to do. I want to be with Bella forever and whether or not it will take me centuries for her to forgive me I still want to try and beg for forgiveness… it is my fault anyways—_all of it_.

So, I know what to do...

I got up that same second out the door towards my car and drove as fast as I can to Bella's apartment.

A few minutes later I arrived at Bella's doorstep. I was about to knock when the door opened. Marie, Freya and Bella were getting ready to leave for the group study.

"Oh hi Edward," Marie greeted trying to break the awkward silence that was about to be shared by all four of us.

Freya and Marie just looked at each other for a second and then from me and Bella, who was glaring at me.

"Let's go." Freya said firmly as she took Marie's arm to lead her out the door. Freya pushed me a little into the apartment, of course I read her thoughts so I let her push me into the apartment. She closed the door behind me, giving me and Bella some privacy.

Bella turned around that same second and was about to walk to her room. But then I touched her arm softly, which she immediately shoved off.

"What do you want." She demanded, she still had her back turned on me.

"We need to talk," I muttered softly.

She stiffened a bit and clenched her fists, "There is nothing to talk about Edward." She argued.

"Yes there is, I need to explain," I begged.

Then to my astonishment, she laughed a high pitch laugh. She was trying to mock me; she leaned her back on the wall and crossed her arms on her chest. "About how this whole sick joke was starting to bore you, that you have to end it in my face." She said bitterly.

I just stared at her, stunned. _Sick joke?_ I couldn't even think it… I can't even repeat what she had said. Nothing of all this was a sick joke! How can she even think of it as a joke?

"Bella," I tried to sound calm but I sounded angry which made me embarrassed cause I had no right to be angry, "Bella," I said her name softly now.

She looked into the balcony, trying to look away from me. "You need to stop…"

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused. "Stop what?"

She sighed and then she stood up straight, she started to walk towards me. When she stopped there was still an obvious space between us, "I know why you did this, I knew why you had to pretend—"

"I didn't pretend."

She raised her hand to stop me from talking. "Let me say what I want to say Edward." She said firmly, when I nodded, she continued. "I'm not really angry at you… You were just trying to fix things. That's your nature… you feel obligated to give me my memories back." Her lips tried to form a smile, but it looked more of like her trying to bite her lip sideways. "It's not your fault that I became a vampire Edward." She looked away from my intense and confused gaze. She started to mutter words that I barely understood, but when I did I wished I didn't hear her say them, "I don't need fixing Edward. So stop fixing me."

Her words just totally caught me in surprise. As if her every words were swords that kept piercing though my hallow chest and then twisting them making me die inside. I was too stunned to say anything. She thinks I _wanted_ to fix her as a reason of being with her. Why can't she see that I love her. That love is the real reason why I'm with her.

"Bella, I wasn't trying—"

"Stop lying to me either!" she yelled at my face. She hit my chest with the side of her fist and the noise made a loud bang, like someone hitting their head on concrete. "You made me believe you love me—now that I got my memory back… you're going to leave me again?!" She took a huge step away from me for her to prevent from trying to cause physical pain to me.

"What?" was the only came out of my mouth. I didn't know how to respond with her bizarre realization. I wasn't even thinking of leaving her at all.

"You heard me," she said darkly. "I told you from the start that you aren't obligated to do anything. But here you are… trying to fix everything." Her voice started to break, she ran her hands through her and she held right on the roots of her hair. "I was fine without you. I was fine without knowing who you were." She started muttering to herself as if I wasn't there at all.

I wanted to pull her into my arms and hug her, to touch her, to comfort her from the pain that is caused by me. But her body language was telling me other wise.

I took a step closer but was still keeping a distance. I looked deep into her eyes trying to lock her in. Its my turn to talk now Bella. "Bella, none of my feelings for you are a lie. All of this is real… I do love you. What can I do for you to believe me?"

She blinked; she was looking right through me. She wasn't listening to me at all; she looked lost, like she's not here at all. I was all of a sudden having déjà vu. The same look she has right now was the exact look she gave me when I told her I didn't want her. The same expression that almost made me back out from leaving her a decade a go.

"Bella?" my hand reached for her face, but then she leaned away.

"Please leave, I want you to go." She said a few seconds later after what seemed like an eternity. "Leave me alone, we are done." She added quietly that I didn't even understand what she was saying but only reading her lips helped me understand what she had said.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This was it, it's all over. The love of my life doesn't want me anymore… and it is my fault.

I nodded once, since I was too weak to do anything else. "Take care Bella," I said sincerely. I mean I did want her to take care. After all, whether she wants me or not I still love her with all of me. I will always love her.

It took a lot of effort to even turn around and walk away from all of this. I was walking to my car in a daze that I think I was also walking too slowly a human could just walk past me easily.

When I opened my car door an envelope dropped from the door. It was the invitation to attend the Medical school in Europe. I got this letter a month before school started this semester. I was going to accept the invitation, but then when I saw Bella two months ago I totally changed my mind and I didn't mail any of the appropriate paper works.

_But now…_

Then my phone rang. I looked at my phone. Alice was calling me.

"Edward?" Alice's voice sounded sad, lost and disappointed. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

For some reason it took me a few seconds to register her question and to translate into my slow working brain. I was thinking about the reason why she called, when I finally understood it. I wasn't shocked that she saw my plans before I could even officially want to attend the Medical school in Europe. I just let out a sigh, "I guess so," I said in an uninterested voice.

"I think you are an idiot. But whatever you want." She said stubbornly, she was angry at me now. I didn't have to be there beside her to know what she was exactly thinking. But when she could she Bella and how she begged me to leave her, Alice would understand.

I hopped into my car and was getting ready to leave when there was a soft tap on my window. I looked up, and Bella was standing beside my car. I immediately got out of my car, waiting for her to say something.

"You can do something." She said calmly.

I widen my eyes, in surprise. _Anything, anything for you Bella. _"Yes, anything." I said anxiously.

Then her next words surprised me even more, that I had to let her words to sink in before I could believe what she had said.

"Take me to Forks, after that… I don't want anything to do with you anymore."

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a/n

Hey, I hope you like this! Reviews please…

The _green botton _is beckoning you too….. _review._


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